A snowflake for azurevanillasky!

[snowmods09]

Title: Missing Piece
Pairings: Datekoji, Abekoji (side)
Genres: AU, a bit of angst, romance, (mutual) pining, some humor/comedy
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Koji was in love with his best friend, Date, but had never acted upon his feelings. After Date moved to Europe to pursue his studies, Koji decided to move on, and forget about him. If he had really managed to do that was up for debate, but since Date wasn’t a part of his life anymore, there was no need to answer that, or at least until a university reunion put Koji in front of that problem again.
Warnings: None
Author’s notes: Dear azurevanillasky, I tried my best to write something that went with your likings. I was planning for a totally different idea, but then I changed half-way into this reunion AU, and I hope it was the right choice. I hope you like it! ^^
Lastly, thanks to my lovely beta! <3

Koji was gripping the steering wheel of his car with all his power. He could feel the leather becoming sweaty and slippery, but he knew that if he let go then he wouldn’t have something to release his nervousness on. Or, well, there was something, but that would have been his hair, and Koji spent half an hour in front of the mirror to style it. He couldn’t afford to look messy that night, not when his past crush was going to attend the reunion their university’s photography club organized.

The idea of calling the graduated seniors to meet with the current club wasn’t a bad idea. Koji was even excited when he first heard that; he had even brought his film camera with him to get some nice shots, and his digital camera to show the others the pictures he was most proud of.

If only Koji could focus on those details, then he would have been euphoric. Talking about photography with other people passionate about it was the best thing he could wish for. All the members of the last 10 years were invited, and since some of his seniors were now well-known in their field, Koji was eager to exchange opinions with them.

On top of that, he was going to reunite with his old friends, which was what made him happy the most. He still met regularly with Fukka, but it had been ages since he last saw Hikaru and Sakuma. He was excited about meeting them. However, he knew that there was another person coming along, and that’s when all the excitement would go down, when the anxiety would rise, his throat would become dry, and his fingers would feel the need to grip anything close to him.

A knock on the window of his car made him snap out of his thoughts. Standing there was Fukka, who gave him a big thumbs up and encouraged him to get out of his car. 

“Are you sure he’s not here?” Koji asked once he was out and had locked his car.

“Yeah, it looks like he hasn’t arrived yet.”

“You promise me that, right?”

Fukka let out a heavy sigh, before taking Koji’s wrist and dragging him out of the parking lot and towards the venue.

“Hey! You didn’t reply!” Koji protested. He shook his arm left and right until he managed to get out of his friend’s grasp. He stopped just before the stairs that led to the entrance, while Fukka had already climbed halfway. “I’m not going inside until I’m sure he’s not there!”

“I promise he’s not there, alright? But you do know all this makes no sense, don’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

Fukka looked pretty much done with Koji, as he climbed back down to face him. “Tonight, eventually, you’ll have to meet Date-san and talk to him. It’s going to happen, whether you want it or not.”

“I just want some time to prepare myself mentally.”

“You’ve known about this reunion for months,” Fukka reminded him.

Koji knew perfectly that he had all the time to rehearse his reunion with Date, but now that the day had finally come, it was just like all that preparation went to waste, leaving room for panic.

“You told me that you were ready,” Fukka told him. Probably realizing that his tone was harsher than he wished to, he cleared his throat and spoke in a softer way. “What happened? What made you all restless?”

“I don’t know—I mean,” Koji rubbed his face frustrated before taking a step closer to Fukka so that only he could hear him, “What if I fall again?”

At that, Fukka chuckled softly. He had a rather amused expression on his face, as he took Koji by his shoulders and told him, “Koji, you’re so naive. You won’t have a crush on Date-san again.”

For a moment Koji smiled, believing his friend was being sincere and reassuring.

“Really?” he asked in a hopeful tone.

“Of course, since you still have a crush on Date-san.”

“What?!” he exclaimed, annoyed, “I don’t have a crush on him.”

Fukka crossed his arms in defiance. “Your evidence?”

“I’ve gone out with a bunch of people in the last few years.”

“That doesn’t stand as evidence. You can still go out with people while having someone else in your heart,” Fukka affirmed. The man was so sure of his statement that he didn’t even wait for Koji to retort something, as he once again climbed the stairs to the venue.

Koji, not liking to be left behind and alone, went after his friend, but was still trying to make his point.

“How do you know that, huh? What’s your evidence?”

They arrived at the top of the stairs, just in front of the venue’s entrance. Fukka gave one glance at Koji, before pointing at him. “You. My evidence’s you.”

Without adding anything else, Fukka entered the hall under Koji’s astonished gaze. He would have liked to debate about whether or not he still had feelings for Date – mainly because he would feel terrible for his ex-lovers if that were to be true – but at the same time he knew Fukka would just come up with other arguments that would still proclaim Koji the loser.

So, without any other option, he followed his friend inside, trailing along him and eyeing every corner of the room to see if Date was really still missing from the party.

“Fukka! Koji! Finally you made it!”

Koji bumped into Fukka’s back as the man stopped to greet the person who had called them. Looking some meters ahead of them, Koji saw Sakuma jumping up and down to get their attention.

He quickly scanned the area near Sakuma and took a sigh of relief when he didn’t see Date with him. At that point, he let himself relax and welcome Sakuma with open arms, just like he used to do during their university days.

“Koji!”

“Saku!”

“Here they go again,” Fukka said when Koji and Sakuma hugged. “You two never get tired of this skit, don’t you?”

“You’re just jealous because your season never had the same success as ours,” Sakuma said, still in Koji’s arms, “Your spin-off didn’t move people’s hearts. How unfortunate.”

Fukka rolled his eyes, “I just continued the skits for y’all because you were out of plot ideas, but I couldn’t go far because aside us no one else would do such silly stuff.”

“That’s not true! There was Ryota!” Sakuma exclaimed, finally letting go of Koji and giving a hug to Fukka as well. “Even though he probably wouldn’t have joined if there wasn’t Koji.”

“Eh? What? Why so? Eh?! You’re talking nonsense.”

Koji found himself stuttering, afraid that Sakuma might have implied any romantic connection between Date and him. From what he remembered, Sakuma had never been aware of Koji’s feelings for their friend, so, when Date’s name came out of his lips, a sense of fear came up.

After that, one of jealousy came along as well, since he wished to have the courage to call Date by his first name as well. He had tried it once, and still remembered the heavy knot in his throat that stopped it from saying it, leaving him speechless in front of a confused Date who had just asked what were his plans for the weekend.

“You’re my plan, Ryota,” was what he had wanted to say, with a confident voice and cool expression. But instead, he ended up spending the weekend at the game arcade with Fukka and Sakuma.

“Well, Ryota mostly joked around with you, so—”

“That’s not true! Right, Fukka-san?”

He pleaded for help with his gaze and he was gladly rescued.

“Anyway, Sakuma, have you seen the current president of the photography club? I’d like to meet them and thank them for this party.”

“Sure! He’s talking with Hikaru right now, they’re over there,” Sakuma informed them, pointing to two tall guys in the distance. 

The three made their way to where they were standing, and they all exchanged affectionate hugs with Hikaru, whom they haven’t seen in ages. Koji was still speechless to see him turning into such a tall and sturdy man.

“Since when have you been into training?” 

“A couple of years; now, I work as a personal trainer in a gym.”

Sakuma looked at him in disbelief, “Who are you? And what did you do to our cute and small Hikaru?”

“I’m still the same, just my appearance changed.”

“Everyone, you’re focusing on Hikaru and I perfectly understand that, but next to him there’s someone even bigger,” Fukka commented, pointing to the young guy who was waiting to be introduced.

Hikaru patted the guy’s shoulders, “This is Raul, the current president of the photography club.”

“Nice to meet you, thank you for joining this reunion. I really appreciate it.”

Despite his imposing figure, Raul didn’t look intimidating. His smile was very pretty and he looked like a genuine and polite person.

“Thanks to you for organizing it. It’s so great to meet again with everyone,” Koji replied.

“Speaking of which, Date-sama said he’s running late because of a last-minute work meeting, but he should be here soon,” Hikaru informed the group.

“Work? Here?” Koji asked.

“Yeah, he’s been working in Tokyo for some years now,” Hikaru explained. He frowned, “You didn’t know?”

Koji shook his head and lowered his gaze, slightly embarrassed, “I don’t really hear from him now.”

“That’s even more shocking than Hikaru’s glow-up,” Sakuma said.

He knew that his friend was just joking, but he suddenly felt under pressure when he raised his gaze and saw all of them staring at him. Therefore, he hurried to defend himself, “Why shocking? I mean, stuff like this happens, it’s not like friendships always last forever, right?”

“Of course, I was just surprised by that, that’s all. Sorry.”

There was puzzlement but also guilt in Sakuma’s face, and Koji felt bad for having had such a hostile tone. The man didn’t do anything wrong. If Koji were him, he would be surprised as well to learn that the two closest and best friends of the group didn’t talk to each other anymore.

“It’s fine, no worries,” Koji muttered.

“Anyway! Koji and I have just arrived so we’ll go get a drink and greet some other people—Raul, it was a pleasure to meet you.” Fukka announced. He held Koji by his shoulders and dragged him away under the worried eyes of their friends.

“Don’t do any more messes and just calm down,” Fukka told him in his ear when they were far enough. The usual soft tone he used when whispering was rather firm this time.

Koji guessed his friend was getting tired of having to rescue him, and rightly so, therefore he gave him his best confident smile and told him, “I promise to pull myself together by the time Date-san arrives.”

Fukka nodded and let him go. Koji took a deep breath and adjusted his necktie, which he had been feeling a little too tight since he had put it on, and headed towards some of his old friends. He also brought a drink with him, knowing that a couple of glasses could have helped in easing his nerves.

He tried to forget about his upcoming reunion with Date and focus on the people in front of him, something that started to be very easy the more he talked and had fun with the others. By keeping himself busy with entertaining, he kept his mind away from Date.

It was going pretty fine. He even ended up thinking that he could handle this. Especially when the laughter around him fed him the confidence he needed to face Date… and the waiters fed him alcohol, surely doing its effect while running in his veins.

But he was feeling excited, and cheerful, and energetic, and so not worried by the fact that someone had just said that Date was finally arriving… Right?

“What?” he asked them, his mind starting to feel slow and not catching up with what he was hearing.

“He’s almost here.”

“Great,” he mumbled, before informing the others that he was going to tell Fukka, which was a lie. He instead found a lone table at the farthest corner of the room, picked up some other drinks, and drowned once again in his misery.

Where was the hyped and confident Koji now? Had he just lied to himself that he was ready to meet Date? Had he just gulped down as much alcohol as he could in the last hour without reason? If he weren’t going to get relaxed anyway, what was he going to get then?

When his hand failed to hold the glass in front of him and his sight spinned for a moment he knew the answer to that question. Sickness. The next morning wasn’t going to be golden for him.

At that moment, Fukka came into his eyesight. His disappointed expression was the last thing he needed. Not when he was already beating himself up for what he did.

“What are you doing?” Fukka asked when he reached him.

“Hiding,” he honestly replied.

However, Fukka sighed, “I can see that.” He sat down and promptly pointed to the glasses on the table, “I meant this.”

“Thought I would drink to relax. Turns out I was just trying to blank myself out.”

“Koji, I’ve been meaning to ask you something—”

“If I hold my liquor? Not very much,” he joked. He was already starting to feel awful and he wondered if that was at least a good enough excuse to bail out and go home. He could really use some comfort in his cozy blankets.

“I’m being serious here.”

“Sorry, go ahead.”

“When you told me about the feelings you had for Date-san, you didn’t confess the whole truth, right?”

Like rain starting to fall on an already cloudy day, Fukka’s intuition made Koji’s mood even worse. As expected, his friend saw right through him, and the only thing he felt to do was to shove in his mouth another drink. Fukka’s hands were faster than his own though, so the glass was robbed from his grasp and set aside on the other end of the table.

“Yours wasn’t just a crush, was it?”

With nothing in front of him, Koji ended up gripping the wooden table, his eyes fixed on the refined curves that covered its surface. That was surely a table made by a professional, it wasn’t just some random and anonymous piece of wood. There was a craftsman behind it.

“Whoever made this table is really skilled.”

“Koji, you do realize that avoiding the subject isn’t going to make things better, right?”

Tearing his gaze away from the table, Koji met his friend’s eyes. The disappointed frown on Fukka’s face was now replaced by a sympathetic look.

“Your evidence?” he asked, quoting the words Fukka told him hours ago.

“If it had only been a crush, I don’t think you would have reacted this way. This is not the behavior of someone meeting his school crush, more like someone meeting the person they used to love. Am I wrong?”

With a defeated chuckle, Koji let his head hang low. He didn’t have anything else to retort. Fukka had won the case. There was nothing else to add. So, having been busted, it was time for him to reveal everything.

“Since the first day he walked in our club’s room, Date-san had always been there for me. He would wait for me even though I stayed in the classroom until late, just so we could go home together; he would listen to my ramblings; he would deal with me when I was stubborn; he comforted me when I needed it.”

“Well, if I have to recall those days, it’s hard to pinpoint a moment when you two weren’t together. You also hung out a lot outside of club activities,” Fukka noticed.

“Maybe it was because of all the time we spent together, or because of the deep connection that happened between us—I just know that I fell in love with him, and pretty badly, since I could have done anything for him. He was my everything,” he told Fukka, wearing his heart on his sleeves.

Every memory he shared with Date was a happy one. Even during tough times, Date managed to cheer him up and give him strength, so even those moments couldn’t be defined as sad.

And then there were all the nights spent talking endlessly until morning. All the jokes and pranks. Cramming for an exam in less than one day. The long hours spent trying clothes on in Shibuya to find each other’s perfect outfits. The short trips during weekends. Koji dragging Date to go camping with him.

Everything was… perfect.

But then his mind went to the last days spent together, and his hands went to ruffle his hair, as he cursed himself again for his mistake. “But I ruined everything…”

“What do you mean? What did you do?”

“Do you remember when we were at the airport, before he moved to Europe?”

“When you were a crying mess, yeah.”

Koji glared at his friend for a second before continuing, “He made me promise to not fade away even if we were far away.”

“Which you did, judging by what you told Hikaru earlier,” Fukka finished for him, putting together the pieces himself.

“I couldn’t stand his absence, I was suffering too much, so I thought that cutting ties was the best thing to do. I thought I could move on…”

“Has Date-san ever brought up the matter?”

“No, but I’m sure he understood that I was trying to avoid him. We drifted apart naturally after some months he went away.”

“So, long story short, the problem is not that you’re afraid to fall again,” Fukka affirmed, still trying to untie the knots that were Koji’s thoughts and understand what he was going through, “You’re afraid that he’s mad.”

“I mean—I guess both things. It would be incredibly pitiful if I fell in love with him while he hated me.”

“Oh, come on, I’m sure that he doesn’t hate you. You just have to talk it out.”

“Talk it out? How?”

“Tell him everything.”

“Everything?! Are you crazy? I could never do that.”

“Why so? Everything’s in the past, so it doesn’t matter what you felt,” Fukka shrugged, before flashing him a smirk, “Unless, you admit that I’m right and that you’re still in love with him.”

“Which side are you even on?!”

“There’s no sides here, Koji, there are just two friends who grew apart because one of them was in love with the other and felt like he needed time away from him. It’s a normal story that has happened tons of times, to tons of people. He will understand.”

Koji took a deep breath and let those words sink in and calm himself down. He looked at his friend and smiled genuinely.

“Fukka-san, thanks for everything.”

“I’m your friend, so no need for that. I wish you had felt more at ease telling me sooner though. I mean, you kept this secret for what? 6 years?”

“The more I didn’t talk about it the more I could bury it somewhere in my mind.”

He knew it sounded childish, but it was the only way he found to survive the heartache he felt whenever his thoughts drifted to Date.

Fukka called for his attention by snapping his fingers in front of his face. “Hey, you know how this could get easier for you?”

“How?”

“You’re getting all worked up, but he could have become ugly.”

Koji found himself frowning at his friend, who sighed and began to explain his theory, affirming that guys aged in three ways. First, the incredible glow-up. The example for this was Hikaru. He was a rather cute guy when he was younger, but he was also rather anonymous. Then, the wave of change invested him, and he also started training, so he was a completely different person – Fukka threw in the adjective stud to make it simpler for him to understand.

Then, he proceeded on explaining the second way, which he called “the peter pan”. The example was obviously Sakuma. Guys whose body and facial features don’t change over the years, who are destined to be forever 17, and in many cases, not only on the outside. Sakuma fit this description pretty well, since Koji hardly believed that 6 years had passed since he last saw him.

And third, there was the inverse glow-up, of which Date-san was hopefully the example. These handsome guys’ blessing wave would take a downturn at some point, and become uglier than they were.

“As far as we know he could be that, and that will surely make it easier to interact with him,” Fukka ended his speech, which was a clear attempt at cheering Koji up and making him smile.

“I do admit that it would help me if he weren’t as handsome as I remember, but that seems like a harsh thing to say. It would make us shallow.”

“That’s not true. That would instead make us honest people, Koji, and not a bunch of hypocrites—Oh my God.”

“What?”

“Don’t turn around. No matter what reason you have, don’t even think about turning around.”

Koji frowned at the sudden change in Fukka’s behavior. The man was looking over Koji’s shoulder, in the distance, while holding his arm firmly. Curiosity got the best of him, so he followed Fukka’s gaze.

“What is it?”

“Koji, stop—” Fukka insisted, pulling on his arm stronger than before.

Koji looked at the object of Fukka’s attention, which was also moving towards their direction. Koji’s eyes blinked several times trying to process the sight they had before them, while a chill ran down his spine, some kind of spider-sense that told him that he was in danger.

Ah, so it was true that curiosity killed the cat.

“Jesus Christ.”

“I warned you.”

A drop-dead gorgeous Miyadate Ryota was making his way through the people that filled the venue. He was wearing a black suit with some white embroidery on his jacket. He was already shining a light of his own, but as if that wasn’t enough, Date was even wearing golden accessories – bracelets, a ring, a necklace, he had it all. Heck, even his lips were glowing, and that made Koji swallow to help his dry throat. 

“That doesn’t seem like the inverse glow-up, what do you think?” 

“I guess there’s a fourth way. They just get more handsome year by year.”

Date was looking around until he spotted them and smiled widely.

Koji turned to Fukka immediately, “You go talk to him so I can run away in the meantime, deal?”

“Kinda difficult when he’s coming right towards us, or better, towards you.”

He grasped Fukka’s hands and pleaded him with his eyes, “Fukka-san, please…”

Fukka rolled his eyes but eventually nodded, “I’ll try to buy you time.”

As he thanked his friend, Fukka stood up to walk up to Date. He greeted him with a big hug and began talking non-stop, even trying to get Date to turn around so he wouldn’t see Koji sneaking away.

I love that guy, Koji found himself thinking, taking a mental note to buy a limited set of pokémon cards to thank Fukka.

Koji proceeded to slowly slide away from the table and walk towards the other side of the room. However, he was stopped before he could make any other step.

“Koji!”

Date’s voice reached his ears, and when he turned around, he saw the man staring right at him, grinning. He told Fukka something before leaving him behind, who raised his hands in a hopeless way, making Koji understand that he did everything he could. At that point, there was nothing left that could have saved Koji from that dreadful encounter.

He began dragging his feet to meet Date half-way, but he felt worse with each step he took. He felt a strong stab at his stomach, as if someone was squeezing it so hard he could even die, and he even stumbled forward because of that.

Koji didn’t fall to the ground because Date was quick to catch him and hold him up. He felt his head spinning, and he didn’t know if it was the alcohol he had drunk, the sudden sickness, or the enticing cologne Date was wearing.

All the energies in his body started leaving him, everything was blacking out, and he felt his body shook by a sudden jerk as something moved inside him, all up to his throat and then to his mouth.

The last thing he heard was a loud gasp of astonishment echoing in the room, and the distant voice of Date and Fukka asking him if he was fine.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Koji’s head was throbbing. He could feel all his braincells screaming in pain, and the sunlight coming from the opened curtains surely wasn’t helping. He rolled on the other side, or at least he tried to, since he felt as heavy as ever. He didn’t know if he had arrived in his bed alone, but if someone helped with the task, then it must have felt like transporting a tuna to a cargo ship. Hopefully, it was Hikaru the one to have been sacrificed for the cause.

Thinking about him made Koji realize the reason for his current state.

There had been a photography club gathering, and he reunited with his old friends. Hikaru now worked in a gym and was nowhere close to the shy, small guy he remembered. Sakuma was instead still his hyped-self, and had achieved his dream to be a voice actor. And then…

Date-san.

That name popped up in his mind immediately, however, he wasn’t able to produce a memory of their encounter. He didn’t remember having talked to him, but he was sure that he had seen him. And the man looked even more handsome than he was in the past. Maybe Koji had been too struck by that to forget to store in his mind the conversation they had?

They had met, so they had talked at some point, and yet no memory of it was coming to him.

Could it be that Date had let out all his anger for what happened between them, like Koji feared to happen, and the conversation was just so traumatic that his brain had conveniently forgotten about it? All the drinks he had knocked back surely helped, and here he was now.

The morning after. Aching in his body and in his soul. With a hangover and possible broken heart.

A sense of loneliness embraced him, already processing the supposed rejection he received yesterday. Well, not a proper rejection since he didn’t confess his past feelings for Date.

Or did he?

Did he listen to Fukka’s advice and actually tell Date everything? Did the alcohol make him braver? Or insane. That was up for debate. But if he did confess, and Date had rejected him, then it was no wonder that his brain had blanked that memory out. Rather, it was weird that he didn’t remove the fact that he and Date had met entirely.

Koji found himself stretching his arms to hug his body pillow. He was in desperate need of comfort and his blankets weren’t somehow doing their job. Moreover, they felt a bit rough to the touch, and secured tighter than usual. When he also couldn’t find his body pillow, Koji understood that something was off, so he forced himself to open his eyes.

His sight was blurred by the brightness of the room. The sunlight was strangely coming from the left side of the room, rather than the right one, where the window was.

“What the hell?”

He blinked a few times, blocking the sun rays from his face with his hand, and slowly made his surroundings out. The cream walls and the beechwood furniture made him rise up from his lying position too fast than he could handle. His head spun like crazy and he let out a loud whine because of that.

That wasn’t his room.

“Damn it,” he hissed, massaging his temples both in pain and confusion.

“Oh, Koji, you’re awake.”

Koji didn’t really need to look at the other person in the room to know to whom that voice belonged.

“Date-san,” he called out. The buzzing noise in his brain had ceased at once and all he could hear now was his fast heartbeat.

“How are you feeling?”

“My head hurts.”

“Fukka has not returned yet with breakfast and painkillers, but there’s water.”

He heard Date standing up from wherever he was sitting, and opening what he presumed was a mini-bar, then putting a glass on a table. Then, the water being poured. And lastly, Date picking up the glass and approaching the bed.

With the corner of his eye, Koji spotted Date’s hand, handing out the glass of water. Koji did all he could to not brush his fingers while he took it, and ended up almost making it fall on the bed. Luckily no accidents happened, or at least until Date decided to put his hand on Koji’s own shoulder.

“Just take it easy, one sip at a time.”

Of freaking course Koji choked on the water he was swallowing when that happened, causing all the water to spill on the blankets eventually.

“S—Sorry,” he stuttered in between his coughs. Since that wasn’t his room, and since the other person around was Date, Koji figured that must have been at Date’s place. “Sorry for the blankets.”

“No worries. It’s just water, the personnel are not going to be mad.”

Thanks to that sentence, Koji could focus his attention on unveiling the mystery of where he was since it didn’t seem even Date’s place at that point – unless Date had become filthy rich and he had his own personnel taking care of his house – instead of Date’s hand patting and rubbing his back.

Despite liking skinship, Koji was for the first time slipping away from someone’s touch. The thrills that Date’s hand was bringing to his body were not something he wanted to deal with while having a hangover, so he crawled on the bed to rest his back on the headboard.

Without missing a beat, Date adjusted the pillow so Koji could rest onto that, and took the glass from his hands until his coughs calmed down. As expected, Date was still the kind and caring person he was in the past.

When Koji recovered, Date passed him back the glass. It was at that moment that Koji finally looked at him. The black suit, the golden jewelry that adorned his elegant features, the black middle-parted hair, the flawless skin and shiny lips. He wondered if yesterday night he was knocked out by that sight rather than the booze.

“You look stunning.” Koji bit his tongue the moment he blurted that out, before trying to fix that disaster. “I mean that you look great even after all these years.”

Date chuckled embarrassedly, hiding his smile behind his fingers. “Thank you, you look great as well.”

Koji highly doubted that, since he was probably sporting dark circles under his eyes and a not-so-healthy color on his face. So, he eyed Date suspiciously, who immediately added, “Or at least you did before feeling sick.”

“What exactly happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

Koji shook his head while gulping down some sips of water in the hope of clearing his mind. Something that he had managed to pick up was that Date wasn’t angry, so it didn’t look like they fought yesterday night.

Date sat down at the edge of the bed, next to Koji’s waist, and pulled up one of his own feet – he didn’t have any shoes on. He gestured at it. “Nothing comes to mind?”

“I don’t think so—”

Like a thunder, a sudden memory flashed in front of Koji’s eyes, and he all but gaped at the other in disbelief. The dizziness, the strange sensation in his stomach, and then the fainting, the blackout.

No, he couldn’t have…

“I didn’t throw up on your shoes, did I?”

Date smiled apologetically, ready to break the bad news to Koji. “You did.”

“Yikes,” he facepalmed himself, as the shame won him over and made him grow the desire to dig up a hole for himself. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not!” he retorted. Sometimes Date’s kindness would make him angry, and that was one of those times. “I’m going to clean them for you! And if that’s not possible then I’ll pay for them. You should stop going easy on people!”

Date laughed out loud, but the amused smirk turned into a fond smile in the end. When Koji half-glared at him, Date said, “I don’t go easy on people. Just on you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re… You’re my best friend.”

No past tense had been used in that sentence. Date used the present simple to describe their relationship which meant that Koji was still dear to him. It was pretty safe to assume that they didn’t talk yesterday, and that Date wasn’t aware of his feelings, and by his attitude, he didn’t hate him as well. Something of which Koji was glad of, but couldn’t comprehend.

“Even though I disappeared after you moved to Europe?”

Date chewed on his lips, then clasped his hands together and cleared his throat. He spoke the next words without looking at Koji. “I thought you had a valid reason for doing that.”

“What do you mean?”

“You wouldn’t have shut me out otherwise. You’re not that kind of person,” he explained, before resuming the eye contact. “I know that.”

Koji swallowed all the water in his glass to prepare himself for the next question he was going to ask. He put the glass on the bedside table as he said, “And what would be a valid reason to shut your best friend out? Any ideas?”

Suddenly Date tensed, looking hot. Not ‘hot’ as in hot – that too of course – but ‘hot’ as in he could really use a towel right now. Despite his black shirt having his sleeves rolled up and some buttons undone, Date was flushed. The man had always been a heavy sweater, and Koji got reminded of that when he saw the first droplets of sweat running on his forehead.

“Maybe we should open the window,” Koji suggested.

Date nodded and stood up at once to follow the advice. When he was about to, though, his hands stopped on the doorknob. Date stared outside for a few seconds before turning towards Koji.

“I have an idea.”

“You think it’s better to turn on the AC?”

“No, I’m not talking about that,” Date clarified, “I’m referring to the question you asked me. A reason to shut a best friend out.”

“Oh.”

Date’s sudden nervousness rubbed off on him, and he was now playing with the hem of the blankets to calm himself down. Why was Date feeling so on edge, and actually showing that? For someone who made it a point to always look collected, Date appeared way too shaken.

The man paced around the room under Koji’s perplexed stare, until he stopped at the center of the carpet. “There’s no really easy way to say this, so I’m just going to put it out there.”

“Sure, hit me.”

It was at that moment that a new fear rose inside Koji. He had focused so much on whether or not he told Date how he felt to not have considered the possibility of Date figuring that out himself. After all, he still couldn’t shake off Fukka’s words after his own confession.

“Makes sense, yeah, it was kinda obvious now that I think about it.”

If Date had found out what Koji felt for him, then it was understandable why he stopped reaching out when he saw Koji distancing himself. His best friend was in love with him after all, and moreover, it would feel less awkward if they stopped talking.

“So, Koji.”

Oh, no, here it comes.

“I guess, you—”

“Good morning!” The room’s door was thrust open by Fukka, who entered while raising a bag in his hands. “I’ve got everything we need!”

Date looked at the man and nodded. He glanced at Koji for a minute, before helping Fukka take everything out of the bag.

Despite not knowing what Date was going to tell him, he still felt relieved, because at least he could still pull the card of the benefit of the doubt. Maybe Date didn’t know about his feelings. But then, what could possibly be his idea for Koji shutting him out?

There was no use in dwelling on that at that moment, when Fukka was urging him to swallow a painkiller and some rice balls bought at the nearest convenience store. That made him remember one of his dilemmas.

“So, uhm, guys, where am I?”

“The venue was attached to a hotel actually, and the staff was kind enough to let us borrow a vacant room,” Date explained.

“We’re not in a movie so of course the available camera wasn’t a suite, so we booked a standard one,” Fukka added.

“Why didn’t you bring me home?”

His friend glanced at Date while furrowing his eyebrows. When Date informed him that Koji didn’t remember yesterday’s happenings, Fukka answered his question, “You didn’t look like you could resist a ride home, so we looked for the fastest way to get you into a bathroom and stay there the whole night.”

“What? The whole night? So, like, I had you babysit me all the time, Fukka-san? I’m so—”

“Oh, no, not only me, Date-san was there as well.” Date nudged the other’s arm, like he had something to retort. At that, Fukka put down his rice ball with salmon while rolling his eyes, “Alright, mostly Date-san. After we got you here I went to look for a place where I could throw away his shoes. When I came back I was so tired that I fell asleep on the bed.”

“That’s why I was sleeping on the chair.”

So, Date wasn’t simply lying around in the room before he woke up.

“What about the party?” he ended up asking.

Date smiled shyly, “I kinda ditched it?”

“But you had just arrived.”

“Helping you was more important.”

It was fascinating how Date always managed to make his heart throb. It was as if he knew the exact words to say to send him to cloud nine. Despite all these years, it was clear that Date was surely not indifferent to him, or to his heart, and that made him fear that Fukka was right. That he was still in love with this man.

And even if that was the case, how could someone blame him? Date had been there with him for the whole night, he had looked after him. Just like in the past, Date had gone out of his way for him, he made him feel special. Someone like Koji was bound to fall for that.

Also, Koji couldn’t just let Date’s act of kindness be overlooked. He couldn’t just thank him, he needed to do something for him in return. He owed him big time.

“I’ll definitely pay you back for the shoes, and for the night.”

“Koji—”

“I’ll make up for everything, I promise.”

Date looked like he wanted to say something, but once again he was interrupted. This time it was a knock on the door. Fukka ate the last bite of his breakfast and went to open the door. The tall figure of Hikaru on the threshold of the room appeared when Fukka got out of the way.

“Koji, how are you feeling?”

“Slightly better after the painkiller. Sorry if I gave you troubles too yesterday.”

Hikaru shook his head, “Not at all, Fukka and Date-sama took care of everything.” After saying that, the man turned towards Date, “You’re good to go?”

“Ah, uhm,” Date nodded.

“Right, Date-san, here,” Fukka produced a pair of sandals from the bag, “The only ones I found.”

“Thank you.”

“Are you leaving?” Koji asked. The disappointment in his voice might have been too transparent judging by Fukka’s knowing smile, while they waited for Date to reply.

“I need to go to work today, so Hikaru offered to pick me up.”

“What about us?” At that point Koji directed the question to Fukka.

The man sat back leisurely on the chair, “We’re both off today, and since your car is still in the parking lot of the venue, we’ll wait for you to sober up and then drive us home.”

“Are we going to spend the day here?”

“Like you have any other plans than drowning in your self-pity because of last night.”

Fukka wasn’t wrong. There was no way Koji wasn’t going to turn on Even if by Hirai Ken, recalling the last night’s events and even all his history with Date, and then sob silently as tears would run down his face. That was surely going to happen. However, he wished for his friend to not reveal that in front of Date, if that was possible.

“I’m not going to do that, what are you even talking about,” Koji pretended to laugh that off, not in a very convincing way though.

“There’s no need for you to do that, Koji, everything’s fine. It could have happened to anyone,” Date’s reassuring words came immediately.

“Thank you, Date-san. I’ll contact you to return the favor, definitely.”

Date smiled widely while he nodded, “I’ll be waiting.”

Koji saw the man greeting Fukka with a pat on his shoulder, while following Hikaru and closing the room’s door behind him. Koji looked at the piece of wood for some more seconds after that, and earned a playful whistle by Fukka.

“What is it?” he exclaimed, annoyed.

Fukka proceeded to reenact the last part of their dialogue, complete with heart eyes and batting eyelashes.

“Would you stop? We didn’t act like that!”

“Alright, maybe not, but that ‘I’ll be waiting’? Come on!”

“I ruined his shoes, and since they looked expensive, it could be a threat for all we know.”

“Alright,” Fukka started, drinking some water from the bottle he bought previously, and then throwing himself on the bed next to him. “I’ll be serious now. From what I saw yesterday, I can tell you that Date doesn’t hate you all. There’s no chance he does, neither for the shoes, nor for disappearing after he moved overseas.”

Koji fumbled with the plastic wrap of his rice ball, “Did he really look after me?”

Fukka hummed in response. “Now, would you do all that for someone you hated?”

Date was a kind person, but he wouldn’t waste his time on someone he didn’t consider deserving. If he had been so willing to help out Koji, to the extent of missing the whole party, then it meant that Date hadn’t canceled him from his circle of friends. He still cared for Koji.

Moreover, he did say that he knew Koji wouldn’t distance himself if it weren’t for a valid reason, which meant that he didn’t blame Koji for what he did, supposedly.

“I wonder if he knows…”

“If he knows what?”

Koji quickly explained to Fukka what had gone down when he was out.

“I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but just confess everything and be done with it. It’ll be easier that way, won’t it?”

Despite knowing that his friend was right, Koji still couldn’t bring himself to do that. He needed to investigate the matter, and find out what did Date want to tell him that morning. He just needed to have both of them alone for a while, talking about the old times, so he could study him, and Koji had already the perfect excuse for that.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“You’re really sure about that?”

“Yes, Fukka-san, leave it to me,” Koji affirmed. He looked at himself in the mirror and the confidence inside him was so much that he could see it pouring out of every inch of his skin.

“I don’t know, Koji, I don’t think you make for a good detective.”

“Just because I suck at Clue doesn’t mean it applies to the real world as well!”

Koji heard a sigh coming from the other end of the line, “It’s just that you’re kinda easy to read.”

“I’m better than Sakkun.”

“Everyone is better than him.”

Koji entered the kitchen to make sure that all the ingredients he had prepared beforehand were in order. He placed his phone on the counter and turned on the speakerphone, as he tried to convince his friend that his plan was going to work.

Since Date didn’t join the reunion because he spent the night looking after him, Koji decided to invite the others to his apartment. Sure, he couldn’t host a reunion with all the people at the venue, but he could invite the people who mattered to them: Fukka, Hikaru, and Sakuma.

Everyone got on board with the idea, so at that point Koji just needed a way to get him and Date alone. Giving him an earlier meeting time without a reason would have been too risky, so he settled for asking him to help with the food preparation. Date didn’t hesitate a moment, and he immediately accepted.

“Trust me, Fukka-san, alright?” Koji said. At that very moment, the bell rang. “He’s here! I have to go, see you later!”

Koji didn’t wait for his friend to greet him back and hung up on him. He went to the front door, checked himself quickly when he passed in front of the wall mirror, and opened the door.

“Good evening,” Date said as soon as he came in.

“Thank you for coming.”

“Anytime.”

Koji brought Date to the kitchen, where the man put down the bags he was carrying and started taking out the groceries he had with him.

“You gave me free rein on what I could make, so I’m making pasta, some side dishes to go with your main, and chinjao rosu.”

“Chinjao rosu?!” Koji couldn’t help but exclaim.

Date flashed him a smirk, “I mean, you approved of it before, right?”

“It tasted just like my mom’s, yeah. I can’t wait to have it again.” 

“Then, let’s start cooking, but before that…” Date trailed off, taking out a bottle of wine as the last thing from the bag he was carrying. “I usually have a glass of wine while I’m cooking, would you like to join me?”

Koji didn’t need to be told twice, as he opened the cupboard and picked up two wine glasses for them. Koji also handed the other a corkscrew, and in a matter of seconds their glasses were filled with red wine.

“So, what should we toast to?” he asked.

Date stared right into his eyes, “To us?”

“To us,” he repeated.

Their glasses made a clicking sound that echoed for the room, and while Date put down his glass after taking some sips of wine, Koji held on to it, watching the other start washing the vegetables.

“We went from drinking beer cans to this,” he said, raising his glass, “We’re really adults now, aren’t we?”

Date nodded, “We’re surely not the reckless youngsters we were back then.”

“The good old days are gone, huh,” Koji said, with a hint of nostalgia. “There were times in which we would just hang out in that park close to the campus and just chat. Do you remember?”

“I do,” Date replied. He stopped his actions and looked up, probably recalling the past, “We used to spend so much time together to the point I saw you more than my own sisters.”

“I know, right? I’ve always been very close with my brother, but somehow the speed dial number was yours at the time.”

Date’s laughter was followed by a sigh. “Sometimes I wonder if it’s possible to go back, you know?”

Koji could understand that very well. The things he would do for going back to those days. Hanging out together from morning until night; going on field trips for the photography club; the wild, drunken nights they knew happened because of their headache the morning after serving as a memory; and the quiet nights, where they would just watch a movie, or play some board game with Sakuma and the others.

Every single moment spent together with Date was precious to him, and he would have lied if he didn’t admit to having doubted his decision of cutting ties with him. Moving on from his unrequited love was really worth it to lose their friendship? Even if Date said to not hate him, even if they started hanging out like they used to do, wasn’t it too optimistic to think that things would go back the way they were?

If they were that close in the past it was also because of the great amount of time they spent together, which made them have the same experiences, know everything about each other. Now, even if they were acting as usual, there were still 6 years of void to fill.

Date could appear like the same person as he remembered, but Koji didn’t know if the man was actually someone different. He didn’t know what he went through when he was in Europe. He didn’t know anything, and all of this was his fault.

“... shouldn’t you?”

Koji was forced out of his thoughts by Date’s voice. “Sorry, what?”

“I said, shouldn’t you get started with the ginger pork?”

“Ah, right.”

“What are you spacing out for?” Date teased him.

“I was just—huh—thinking.”

“About what?”

Date finished with the vegetables, and proceeded to gather them in a bowl, which then was put on the counter. Koji was preparing the meat there as well, so now they were side by side, shoulder onto shoulder. He wondered when was the last time they cooked together, and if he had always missed it that much.

“Nothing.”

“Quite rare for you to be mysterious with me.”

His hands stopped, while the chopping sounds on Date’s end continued. Koji couldn’t deny the other’s words. There never had been secrets between them — minus the one involving Koji’s feelings for him — so this evasive answer must have felt like something new to Date.

“Is something bothering you?”

“Not really.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course, everything’s great.”

“Koji, I know you,” Date affirmed at last, wishing to put an end to Koji’s farce, “Even without looking at you I understand that there’s something on your mind.”

And it was true. Date hadn’t even glanced once at Koji since they started talking, as he was focused on his actions. However, that didn’t stop him from catching the downhearted veil in between his words. It was incredible how Date could always get him, and even so fast.

At this point, Koji could only surrounder.

“I was thinking that we don’t know anything about each other—I mean, after we lost touch.”

“Well, isn’t this the reason why you invited me—Us, tonight?”

“Yeah, I guess so. Part of it was to make up for having ruined your reunion with the others though,” Koji explained, continuing the phrase in his mind, ‘And the other part was to investigate whether or not you knew about my feelings.’

He got so immersed into the nostalgia that he forgot about his plan actually. So, he drank in one go his glass of wine to get pumped and ready to start digging up. Reasoning over it, he unconsciously brought them to the perfect topic to start his investigation, so with a new-found resolution, he started to move.

“Then, let’s start catching up, shall we? I’ll start!” Koji exclaimed. He resumed preparing the meat while asking, “Teru-nii told me you returned to Tokyo a couple of years ago? Did you become the famous editor-in-chief you always wanted to be?”

“Two years ago, yeah. I don’t know about the ‘famous’ part, but I am an editor for a magazine now. I came back because of this job.”

“Were you still living in Milan before going back?”

Date shook his head, “After a while I eventually moved to Paris, where I stayed most of the time. I liked it there.”

“Why did you return then? Was the job offered to you here better than the one in Paris?”

“Kind of? In Paris I was the assistant of the editor, but I didn’t return because of that.”

“Then, why?”

Date finished cutting the ingredients for the chinjao rosu and began searching for a frypan in the cupboards. Koji was going to show him where he stored them, but Date didn’t need his help, since he found one quite easily. Then, he moved to the stove to start cooking.

They were back to back now, so Koji couldn’t see Date’s expression as he began talking again. The sizzling sound of the oil frizzling in the frypan wrapped around Date’s voice.

“Europe is amazing, I really enjoyed living there, but it’s not… here. I missed my home, my family, and my friends. I was already considering going back, but then that offer came, so it made the decision even easier.”

“I guess there’s no place like home, huh,” he commented, understanding how Date could have felt homesick after many years of living away from his beloved ones. Koji was sure that he couldn’t even stand a week away from everyone.

“Indeed,” Date agreed. Then, “Can you hand me the bowl over there?”

Koji understood that he referred the one with all the ingredients he had cut previously, so he quickly rubbed his hands on his apron to pass him the bowl. He didn’t turn, neither did Date probably, and their hands met halfway, as their fingers brushed.

This time, Koji’s fingers didn’t slip, he didn’t cause any mess, but his composure didn’t save him from having a shiver running down his spine. For this, he quickly retrieved his hand, and cleared his throat.

“What about you, Koji?”

“What about me?”

“Are you a famous photographer like you’ve always dreamed of?”

He couldn’t help but let out a discouraged laugh. “No, I’m not—Or, well, I’m a photographer but I have just a small shop in this neighborhood. I mostly take photos of people who need it for their CV, or parents who come with their newborn.”

“And you don’t like that?”

“I do, I like my job. When I’m entrusted with an event, I also have the opportunity to be surrounded by people, which—”

“You love,” Date finished the sentence for him.

He chuckled at that, “Exactly.”

“But it’s not the ‘dream’ you had imagined for yourself, right?”

To be honest, Koji didn’t have a precise ‘dream’ figured out like the others. Even in their early days in university, for example, Date had always expressed his desire to be the editor-in-chief of a famous magazine, while Sakuma had always admitted that he would still try to become a voice actor if he had the chance. 

On the contrary, Koji’s dream had always been blurry compared to theirs. It wasn’t concrete, it didn’t have a form, he just knew he wanted to be a photographer. He wanted to capture the world through his lens. In a way, he was doing exactly that with his job, but a part of him still felt like something was missing.

“I don’t even know if I have that,” he admitted.

“What do you mean?”

“Everyone fantasizes about their future, don’t they? We all imagine where we are going to be when we’ll be, like, 30s or something. And I’m right here now, just a step away from that, and I find myself asking if this is what I was waiting for.”

“What are you looking for exactly?”

“I don’t know myself, but I can feel that something is missing.”

He felt Date moving and as he finished preparing the pork, he saw Date’s arm coming in his eyesight. The man was taking some seasoning from the bottles lined up on the counter, and when he leaned in, his chest came into contact with Koji’s back. He found himself freezing due to that sudden half-embrace situation they ended up in.

“Maybe you’re not looking in the right place,” Date said, replying to Koji’s previous statement.

Despite his body’s current state, Koji’s head moved on its own and turned towards Date. “Where should I be looking then?”

Without missing a beat, Date mimicked Koji, and turned his head too. In the blink of an eye, from being back to back and not seeing each other’s faces, they were now only inches apart.

In the past they used to share a lot of skinship, and many times Koji had found himself within very close distance with Date, but somehow, that night was different. Just like when he woke up in that hotel room. If Date’s touch was a regular thing before, now it wasn’t, so probably that’s why his body reacted that way.

It surely wasn’t because he was still in love with him.

He was not.

He had to admit though that Date staring right into his soul and not hinting at moving back wasn’t helping either. Was Koji’s question that mind-blowing to have him stay still like that? Or perhaps…

Could it be that as Koji was working on his investigation, Date was running one of his own? Could it be that Date wanted to know if Koji still felt something for him?

This is getting too complicated, I need to get out of this situation.

Date swallowed, and Koji’s eyes caught the way his Adam’s apple moved. They were far too close for him to not notice every single action Date would do, like his lips twitching slightly, or a drop of sweat forming under his bangs—which reminded of how he used to dry Date’s forehead with his own towel whenever he saw that sight.

That thought possessed his hand, which caught the handkerchief in his apron and raised it at the level of Date’s forehead. Before he could dry that droplet, though, Date caught his wrist and stopped him. 

Ah, he knows.

“Koji—”

The loud noise of the doorbell rang in their ears, breaking that strange and tense atmosphere that surrounded them. Koji panicked and nearly stumbled while he announced that he was going to get the door. 

He left in a rush, quickly tapping his cheeks to regain back the self-control he had somehow lost along the way that night. When he opened the door and his eyes met Fukka’s, he let out a genuine sigh of relief.

“Sorry, I think I’m a little earlier than what you told me—”

“Please, help me.”

Fukka looked at Koji in confusion as he removed his shoes at the genkan and wore the slippers Koji gave him. “What happened?”

“You were right, I can’t be a detective,” Koji whispered. He held onto Fukka’s arm for dear life, “I can’t think straight whenever I’m with Date-san.”

“Is that supposed to be a pun or…?”

“Fukka-san!” he hissed, pulling his arm, trying to make him understand the gravity of the situation.

“Alright, alright, I got it.”

Koji explained quickly his worry about a possible investigation on Date’s side, and as always, Fukka reassured him that he was going to deal with it. That made him return to the kitchen with one less burden off his chest, even though he still couldn’t help the throbbing sensation lingering in his heart.

 

In all honesty, Koji wasn’t expecting to enjoy the night that much. He was afraid to not be able to shoo away the unsettling feeling he had since he had returned back to the kitchen, more specifically, to a Date who looked like he once again had wanted to say more, so much more than the world had allowed him to.

To escape that, he focused on cooking, and when Sakuma and Hikaru showed up just as they were setting the table, things got even better. By the time the night was going on, he was feeling relaxed again, his worries stored in a drawer at the back of his mind.

Maybe it was the familiar feeling of his group of friends back together, like no time had passed since the last time they gathered and had spent time like that. Seeing that no one was awkward with each other gave him peace of mind. Maybe they couldn’t return back and do-over how things went, but maybe they could pick up right where they had left off?

He didn’t have a final answer to that, but he was at least more optimistic by the end of the night. He couldn’t stop humming happily as he tidied up the table with the help of Hikaru.

“I see that someone’s happy,” Sakuma commented. The man had self-assigned himself dish washing duty, so he could hear him. Fukka and Date had instead retreated to the veranda, cleaning the mess Sakuma and Koji made when they were fooling around, and caused all their drinks to spill on the floor.

“As if you’re not as well,” Hikaru butted in, “You’ve never been this hyper before.”

“I couldn’t help it, alright? It was so nice to be just us once again,” Sakuma replied, a wide smile spread on his face.

“I know, right? I missed this so much, I love hanging out with you, guys,” Koji continued.

“Me too, that’s why it was sad to see us falling apart as a whole, because even though we may have had contact one-on-one – like you and Fukka – we stopped being a group, but I guess we couldn’t do much about that. Date was overseas, Hikaru went back to Saitama for some time, and all of us just got busy with our own stuff.”

Hikaru and Koji let out a sound of agreement. After all, it was common that groups of friends happened to spread out either after school or university.

“But you know, Koji, there’s one thing I’m surprised about,” Sakuma announced as he washed the last dish, and put him on the high pile in front of him. In the meantime, Hikaru had finished his task and moved elsewhere to see if they could catch the last train or if they had to call a taxi.

“What is it?” Koji asked the pink head that peeked behind the neatly piled up dishes. Since he was done with tidying as well, he moved next to Sakuma to help with the drying.

“You and Ryota.”

Koji’s hand stopped mid-air, the plate in his hands dripping water on the kitchen counter. “Date-san and I?”

“You two drifting apart, you know? When I found out at the party, I was pretty stunned, remember? I’m sorry if I upset you with my comment that time, but I legit thought you two were the only ones still in touch with each other,” Sakuma admitted. Then, laughing sheepishly, he also added, “Heck, I thought you were going to end up together or something.”

Koji gasped but closed his mouth immediately after, hoping to not reveal too much of his emotions. He pretended to be amused by that theory. “Together? What are you talking about? Haha, that’s funny.”

He silently began putting in the cupboard the dried plates while he listened to Sakuma explaining his reasoning.

“I don’t know, man, you just looked like you could have pulled it off. You had chemistry, you had always been on the same wavelength, you were pretty in synchro on basically everything, and what’s more, you were the only one Ryota had accepted in his ‘personal space’ without an issue.”

Koji didn’t know what to think about all of that. Or rather, he knew. He knew perfectly that all of that was true because those were the reasons he gave himself to believe in the chance of Date returning his feelings. At the time, before going to bed, he used to recall what happened during the day, and every single thing that made him feel like what Date and he had was special was added to his list of…

“Reasons why Date-san could like me back.”

“What?”

Koji had blurted out those words without even thinking about it, and so he stuttered panicky, “Y-You know, I mean, that—Those seem like valid reasons to like each other, but it didn’t happen, so—We’re here now, we’re not together, so.”

He hoped Sakuma wasn’t as alert as Fukka, but he caught the slight curiosity in his eyes as he saw Koji nearly freaking out. He decided to not give him the time to wonder about that, so he quickly finished putting back all the dishes and ask Hikaru about the last train.

Date and Fukka had just returned inside when Hikaru informed everyone that he had called a taxi and that he was going to wait for it downstairs. Fukka offered to go with him, and so did Sakuma, and when Koji realized that he would be left alone with Date, he immediately said, “I’ll go with you, guys; I need to get out the trash anyway.”

However, despite his efforts, Koji and Date still ended up being separated from the rest. They were heading where the apartment complex had its own area for trash collecting, while the other three went to wait in front of the gate, after greeting Koji and thanking him for the night. Sakuma made a point to promise everyone to have such nights happen again anytime soon.

“That would be nice.”

Koji turned towards Date, “What?”

“Hanging out again.”

“Ah—Yeah, we definitely need to do that again.”

“Sakuma is going to make sure of it.”

“You make it sound like a threat,” he joked. 

Date chuckled, shaking his head. They reached the collecting area at that moment and the man waited for Koji to open the garbage cans, “Everyone feels the same way, it’s just that Sakuma is louder about it.”

“I can’t deny that,” Koji replied, a chuckle coming out of him too as the thought of an excited Sakuma came to his mind.

“Kinda weird that you’re not loud like him, since usually you are.”

Koji glanced at Date briefly before opening the can, throwing a bag in and watching Date do the same. “I guess it’s because I feel a bit responsible.”

He made to leave the area after they finished but Date stopped him by his arm.

“What do you mean?”

Koji averted his gaze to the side, “Isn’t it my fault that we all started to lose touch with each other? I started to distance myself from you guys.”

“That’s not true.”

“How so?”

“Because I was the one who distanced himself first. I was busy, and the timezone surely didn’t help our interactions. Hikaru also told me you all had your own problems to deal with. So, if you want to blame something, blame the events, but if you want to blame someone, then blame me.” Date spoke in a serious tone, and even though Koji was still avoiding eye contact, he could feel how Date had gotten closer and was now searching for his eyes.

Date would always do it whenever he used to comfort him.

“I feel like I built a wall between us.”

When Koji’s hands were held by Date’s, his head moved by its own accord and he was now staring right into Date’s dark brown eyes.

“If you did, why didn’t you and Fukka grow apart? Why are you still talking regularly to each other?”

“You talk with Hikaru too.”

Date’s tensed face released an amused smile. “I talk to Hikaru sometimes, just to talk to a friend. And when I was in Europe, if I had called you, you would have cried onto the phone and I couldn’t bear that.” The grip around Koji’s hands intensified. “Not when I was so far away and I couldn’t comfort you.”

Koji could feel that he was starting to tear up, so he quickly blinked the tears away and looked down. When his eyes fell on their joined hands, he understood why he was having that reaction. Date was soothing him by caressing the back of his hands with his thumbs.

He didn’t know if it were for his feelings, but Date’s touch had always managed to make him relax, to ease his pain, and that would cause Koji to naturally shed tears since that was his way to release all the emotions built up in him.

And this time was no different. Even through the years, Date was still the only one who could make him feel that way.

“Like you’re doing now?” he found himself asking, tugging slightly at their intertwined hands.

“Yeah,” Date replied. An embarrassed smile spread on his face, and he let go of Koji’s hands. “I didn’t even realize I was doing that.”

“Force of habit?”

“I guess.”

Seeing Date blushing made his face heat up too, so Koji focused on rubbing his eyes and taking deep breaths, before he started with his usual waterworks in public. He didn’t want to ruin that atmosphere though, because they were finally talking, like, actually talking, and not goofing around.

Even though Koji had tried to avoid that, he realized it was something he couldn’t and shouldn’t run away from. One of the reasons why he loved his friendship with Date was their conversations after all; they could tell each other everything, and it was now time for Koji to remember that.

So, Koji decided to get rid of that annoying elephant in the room that had been roaming around them since they were interrupted last time.

“Date-san, do you remember that morning at the hotel?”

Date nodded.

“You were going to tell me something, weren’t you?”

Maybe taken by surprise, Date was stunned for some seconds, before he cleared his throat and spoke, “I—I was. It was my idea of why you had shut me out.”

“That’s it, yeah,” Koji affirmed. Then, gathering all his courage, he asked, “So, what was this reason you had in mind?”

“Ehm—Yeah—I mean, nothing too deep. Just you not supporting my departure.”

“What?! I was so happy that you got such a chance!” Koji exclaimed.

“I know. I guess I got insecure? Maybe? Yeah, definitely,” Date stammered out.

If that was really the reason Date had thought about, then Koji was really an idiot. He couldn’t believe to have had restless nights dwelling on something that was so far away from reality.

He let out a two-weeks-worth sigh of relief, while walking up to Date and taking him by his shoulders. “Date-san, I’ve never been against you going to Europe. I was sad, of course, my best friend was flying away to the other side of the world, but I supported you like I always did, because I’m with you till the end of the line.”

Date burst out laughing, “We’re having such a heartfelt talk and you quote the MCU?”

“Said heartfelt talk is happening in front of cans filled with trash, so might as well,” Koji said, pointing to their surroundings.

“Fair enough.”

With bright smiles on their faces and lighter hearts, Date and Koji made their way back to the others. They didn’t have any rush, they were taking their time, and this gave Date the chance to ask another question. It was his turn to get rid of the elephant.

“So? What was the real reason?”

Koji still felt nervous to reveal the truth, but it had arrived the moment to speak out all the unsaid he had inside. He looked up at the stars, wondering if the starry sky could have given him an idea on how to deliver that, but then he looked at Date, and figured out that he didn’t need a fancy speech with him. He could just be himself.

“It just so happens that at the time I had—”

“Koji!”

The confession died in his throat as his name was called loudly from afar. Following the source of that voice with his eyes, Koji saw his neighbor Abe waving at him from afar, while he jogged cheerfully in his direction.

“Abe-chan!” he called back, “Quite the rare sight seeing you throwing out the trash at such a late hour.”

“I was watching a documentary about William Ramsey and didn’t realize it was this late until it finished,” the man replied when he was in front of them.

Date put his hand under his chin and wore a pensive frown, “I’m pretty sure it’s Gordon.”

Abe stared at the man with a deadpan expression, and with the same kind of tone he replied, “William Ramsey, the chemist who discovered the noble gasses. Gordon Ramsey is the chef.”

“Oh.”

There was an awkward silence for some seconds after that, and Koji hurried to shoo it away, introducing to each other the two of them. Abe quickly smiled and bowed politely.

“Nice to meet you, Miyadate-san, I’m Abe Ryohei, Koji’s neighbor.”

“Likewise.”

“Are you Koji’s friend? I’ve never seen you stopping by,” Abe noticed, tilting his head to the side, “The only person I’ve seen hanging out at Koji’s place is Fukazawa-san.”

“That’s because Date-san is an old friend of mine, but we’ve reunited just recently. Our whole group did.”

“Oh, that explains it! I’m very happy that you could meet again, it’s very moving to witness long-lasting friendship.”

“I know, right?” Koji replied. He turned just to discover that Date was looking at him as well, smiling from ear to ear. Ignoring a sudden funny feeling appearing in the pit of his stomach, Koji announced that he was going to usher Date to the gate.

Abe stopped him, calling his name once again. Koji looked over his shoulder and waited for the man to talk.

“Are you free next week? I’ve been meaning to buy a cutlery set, and other kitchen goods, and since I know you’re kind of an expert in the topic, I wanted to ask you if you could accompany me?”

“Of course! I don’t have much going on next week, so I can go with you,” Koji accepted without hesitation. He was more than happy to help Abe, especially if he really could make a difference, since Koji was pretty confident in his kitchenware-taste—Well, he had a good taste in general actually.

“Great! I’ll text you tomorrow so we can set the date,” Abe replied all smiles.

“Sure! Bye then! Goodnight!”

“Have a good night!”

The three parted ways, and as Abe made his way back to the complex, Koji walked Date to the gate. They were in silence until when Date snickered, which caught his attention.

“What is it?”

“Nothing, just, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you being hit on.”

Koji was very much confused by those words, “What do you mean?”

“That Abe guy? He just asked you out on a date.”

“No, he didn’t.”

“I’ll text you tomorrow so we can set the date,” the man repeated, using a way higher tone than his usual one, trying to match Abe’s cheerful one at that moment.

“The date as in the day and hour. We’re just going to buy stuff for his kitchen, how can that be a date?”

“It’s not what you do but who you’re going with that makes it a date,” Date retorted, looking at the situation matter-of-factly.

However, for Koji that was impossible, because there was no way someone like Abe could want to go out with him.

“You saw how clever he is, right? Do you think he could be interested in me?”

“Everyone would be interested in you,” Date told him. There was no mockery in his words, his tone was sincere and genuine. “You can capture anyone.”

Koji crossed his arms in an attempt to hug himself and push down the funny feeling that was once again threatening his stomach. “That’s not true. We’re just neighbors, nothing more.”

Date hummed for some seconds, showing that he didn’t believe Koji’s words. He dropped the subject though, sparing him some other teasing.

“Anyway, it was refreshing. It’s the first time I’ve seen you accepting an invite,” Date blurted out at some point. He put his hands in his jacket’s pockets as he continued, “You used to reject them all back then. I’ve always wondered why.”

You. You were the ‘why’. Koji said within himself. 

That reminded him that his confession hadn’t been delivered yet due to Abe’s sudden intrusion, and now he was out of time because they were already back to the others. With perfect – or horrible – timing, the taxi also arrived at the same moment too, so Koji couldn’t do anything else but wishing their friends a good night and watching them get into the cab, waving at them as it drove away.

Koji was still watching it go when Date turned around to give him one last look, which he returned wearily.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Koji couldn’t shake off his mind the missed opportunity of last week. He was so close to telling Date everything, but he got interrupted. It seemed like the universe was making fun of them. First Date got stopped by Fukka, then when it was Koji’s time to talk, Abe got in his way. There was ever going to be a time for them to get closure on what happened 6 years ago?

Was the universe their enemy? Or their ally? Maybe it was trying to make Koji understand that it was better to shut his mouth and never go back on the topic again? He wasn’t in love with Date anymore, so confessing a past crush wasn’t going to harm anyone, or so he thought at least.

To clear his head, while he was getting ready to go out with Abe, Koji had called Fukka to hear his opinion. He told his friend everything that happened when Date and he were alone, and waited eagerly for his two cents on the matter. However, Fukka was stalling his response surprisingly, and Koji received only silence from the other end of the line. He had to check a few times if the call hadn’t ended suddenly.

He was looking at himself in the mirror to adjust his bangs when Fukka finally voiced out his thoughts.

“Maybe it’s better like that.”

“You think so too, huh.”

“Well, you said that the universe may be trying to stop you from commiting a mistake, so I think you should follow your instinct.”

“And what if my instinct is wrong?” Koji whined. “What if I should tell him instead?”

Fukka sighed, “Alright, Koji, I need you to be honest with me now.”

The sudden change of tone got Koji alert. Fukka was now using his serious voice, and that meant that he needed to sit down for whatever was going to come. So, he sat down, turned off the speakerphone and brought hisphone to his ear.

“Sure, go ahead,” Koji said, swallowing nervously right after.

“Is there some hope inside your heart that, after you tell him what happened, he’s going to admit that he actually had feelings for you too, and then you’ll end up trying to date now?”

“W—What?! Ah?! Be for real, dude,” Koji stuttered. He gasped for air, for he was breathless all of a sudden.

“I’m being for real, dude.”

Koji’s free hand gripped his leg unconsciously, and despite hating the idea of having wrinkles on his new pants, he couldn’t stop that.

“I’m not in love with Date-san,” he claimed, the words coming out a bit harder than expected.

“You don’t feel anything anymore? Not at all?” Fukka insisted.

Some flashbacks went through Koji’s mind, images of the moments spent together since that morning in the hotel room. The light touches, the fingers brushing, the stares. That funny feeling he could still remember the sensation of.

He shook his head violently.

No.

“I don’t.”

“Then don’t tell him anything. You would just complicate things for him.”

“Why do you say that?”

Fukka waited some seconds before replying, a thing which kept Koji on the edge.

“I need you to trust me.”

Those words only helped to set off more questions in Koji’s mind, but he had learnt to trust his friend even with his life during the years, so if Fukka was asking for his trust, then he was going to get it.

“Fine, I’ll do as you say, I trust you. I guess you also got your information when you were with him on the veranda last time? Since you took over the investigation for me.”

“Yeah, that’s it. I’m telling you all this based on that interaction as well.”

The sound of his doorbell reached his ears, signaling him that Abe was waiting for him outside, and that switched the focus of the conversation on his neighbor.

“Oh? Your date has arrived? Then let’s end the call here.”

“He’s not my date,” Koji specified as he got out of his bedroom.

“What would be the problem if he were? It’s not like you like anyone at the moment, right?”

“Fukka-san.”

“Alright, alright. Have fun,” were the last words Fukka told him before closing the call.

Koji tsked, putting his phone in his jacket’s pockets and going to the front door. Abe beamed him one of the brightest smiles he had ever seen, and after some quick chit-chat, off they were for the department store.

 

The morning was great. Koji’s eyes had sparkled as soon as he saw all the goods inside the store. He wished he could have taken everything home, but because he wasn’t rich and didn’t own a villa, he had to stop watching all those utensils with greediness and focus instead on helping Abe.

Even though Abe had done his research, it was clear that he was pretty much clueless when it came to kitchen goods. Koji didn’t mind explaining for him though, and recommending what he thought was the best choice. Since Abe had also a reference picture of his own kitchen, Koji ended up comparing sets of different colors to search for the one who matched it the most.

While shopping, he had also found out that Abe wasn’t only someone clever, but he was actually a freelance private teacher, which explained why Koji heard him leave or return home at non-fixed hours. He was also a calm and warmhearted person just like he appeared on the outside, and that made Koji even more happy to be helping him.

For the past year, Abe had been nothing but kind to him, so Koji felt like this was the best way to repay his neighbor for that. He was even going to offer his help to choose some new clothes if he needed – since the palette of Abe’s clothes seemed to go just from beige to brown – but before he could say that, Abe skipped ahead of him and pointed his finger up.

“There’s a cafeteria upstairs. Would you like to have lunch together?”

“Sure, why not?”

After choosing their meals, they quickly found their way to a free table. Abe forgot to pick up a pair of chopsticks at the stall though, so he left to retrieve it. Koji watched as the chopsticks fell from Abe’s hands as he bumped onto a stranger, and couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

“He’s surprisingly clumsy,” he whispered to himself, “You can’t really judge a book by its cover.”

He didn’t know how or why, but a flashback of many years ago was flashed before his eyes. Those same words coming out his mouth but directed at someone else. Someone who looked quiet and reserved, but that he managed to befriend, discovering his lively and funny side.

Koji’s hands found their way to his phone, and his fingers found their way to LINE, and to Date’s chat. The caption that stated the date of the last message – freaking 6 years ago – was surreal. He didn’t know if the content of the text made it even worse, since it was a mere ‘Happy Birthday, Koji’ without reply on his end.

Although he had begun texting Hikaru and Sakuma more frequently after the reunion, he still hadn’t done that with Date, and this made him feel bad. No wonder Date believed that Koji didn’t support his decision, he had been nothing but cold with him.

His fingertips tapped to write a new text, but what should he even say? He couldn’t hold a conversation right now for he was having lunch with Abe, but he also knew that if he didn’t do it now, then he would have kept on beating around the bush and doing nothing.

He chewed on his lips, restless, before muttering, “Screw it.”

The letters were tapped one after the other speedily, and in less than a few seconds the chat had a new caption on it, signaling today’s date and a new message.

I made up for the missed reunion. The shoes are now what’s left. Just tell me if there’s anything I can do. Call me to collect the favor whenever you want.

He closed the chat immediately after rereading the text, in part because he felt like his anxiety would get worse the more he looked at it, and in part because finally Abe had returned with his pair of chopsticks, so they could start eating.

“Sorry to have kept you waiting.”

“No worries, I saw you had some accident there.”

Abe giggled in embarrassment, “Let’s say I’m not the most graceful person in the Solar System.”

Their conversation continued cheerfully and it lasted for the whole lunch, up until their walk home. There were still instances in which a joke by Koji wasn’t understood by Abe, or times in which he felt totally clueless about what Abe was referring to, but overall he had a great time.

“Thanks for today, it was fun,” he said when he was in front of the door of his apartment.

“I should be thanking you. You helped me choose all this,” Abe raised the bags in his hands when he said. “And you’ve been a very nice company.”

 “You too.”

“We should do this more often, what do you think?”

“Buying kitchenware?” Koji asked, genuinely.

Abe chuckled at that, his lips curving in a cute grin, “Going out. Maybe next time we could catch a movie, or walk around the shopping district.”

“I guess we can do that, yeah.”

Abe took a small step forward, “Not as just neighbors though, if that’s fine for you.”

Hearing that, it finally dawned on Koji that both Date and Fukka were right. Abe had indeed asked him out on a date, and was now setting the record straight, letting Koji know clearly that he was interested in him in a more-than-friend way.

Koji didn’t know what to reply since he was neither looking at Abe with a future relationship perspective in mind, nor looking for a boyfriend in general. However, he remembered Fukka’s words at that moment.

‘What would be the problem if he were? It’s not like you like anyone at the moment, right?’

He had a point. There was no problem with Abe asking him out, and there was no problem with Koji accepting to deepen their relationship into something more.

So, Koji nodded, and said, “Fine by me. I’d be more than happy.”

Abe’s smile widened from ear to ear, “Really?”

“Of course.”

Abe looked thrilled. Even when they bid each other goodbye, the excitement running in Abe’s body was evident. As for Koji, he felt relatively normal, but maybe it was just because everything had happened too suddenly for him.

The lack of that funny feeling in the pit of his stomach still rubbed him the wrong way though.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The clinking sound of the chime at the door came to Koji’s ears as he took the last shot of the lovely family in front of him.

“I’ll be there in a minute!” Koji let his customer know, while showing the last set of pictures to the family. The parents looked satisfied, and since the baby was on the verge of throwing a tantrum, they all decided that the shoot could end.

Koji brought them back to the hallway, and saw that the man standing at his shop’s counter was none other than Fukka. His friend moved away so that the family could check out their pictures. When the three had exited the shop, he placed his arms on the counter and showed Koji a purple USB drive.

“Can you photoshop someone out of these pictures?”

“Did you finally decide to erase your existence from everyone’s memory in tribute of Hermione Granger?” Koji joked, taking the USB drive and inserting it in his computer.

Fukka laughed at the joke. “It’s a request from my sister. She went to China last year, and she likes how she turned out in the pictures, but the guy next to her is her ex-boyfriend, so…”

“The one who broke up with her by text?”

“That’s him.”

Koji went through the pictures and reckoned that it wouldn’t be too much a hassle to erase the guy from them. So, he smiled at his friend, “Then, I’ll gladly remove him.”

“Thanks,” Fukka replied, “How much for this service?”

Koji thought about it for a few seconds. “How about you buy me dinner?”

“Deal,” his friend said, nodding.

It was time to close the shop anyway, so Fukka lurked around while Koji made preparations for the closing. Fukka took that chance to ask him about his ‘date’ with Abe, and wasn’t surprised at all when Koji told him that his neighbor had asked him out again. 

“I told you so, didn’t I?” Fukka said, with a proud smile on his face, “Everyone could have guessed that it was a date.”

“Everyone but me, alright? Anyway, I’ve accepted, so I guess that makes us dating?”

“Not necessarily, you’ve just gone out once, and you didn’t even understand it was a date.”

“So what should I do?” Koji went through his desk to check that he wasn’t forgetting anything behind. As he rummaged through his things, he asked his friend another question, “Do I ask him if we’re dating?”

Fukka leaned on the counter, “Just see where things go from here. Take a step at a time. There’s no rush, even though the faster Abe-san monopolizes your thoughts the better.”

Koji tilted his head and frowned, “Why do you say that?”

“Because the more Abe-content in your mind, the less Date-content.”

Sighing deeply, Koji gave his friend a look that was half-done and half-amused. “There’s no more Date-content in my mind.”

“Hopefully so.”

Just as he was about to respond, Koji’s phone rang. A genuine chuckle came out of him as he read the called ID. “Speaking of the devil.”

“Abe-san?”

Koji shook his head, swiping the green button on the screen to reply. “Date-san, hi.”

“Koji, I’d like to collect that favor.”

Judging by his voice, Date looked like in a hurry.

“Sure, what happened?”

“Can you come to the studio where I’m at right now? I’ll send you the address.”

“Right now?!” he repeated. His loud tone alerted Fukka as well, who silently asked him if everything was alright. He gave him a thumbs-up before throwing his bag over his shoulder and turning off all the shop’s lights. “I think I can manage to do that if you’re really in a pinch.”

“Thank you so much, I’m in desperate need of help. Bring your camera. See you.”

Koji ushered Fukka out of the shop while he stared at his phone still in confusion. Before he could even go over what had happened, a new message in Date’s chat appeared, displaying the address of the studio.

“Fukka-san, I’m sorry, I guess I have to take a raincheck.”

“What even went down?”

Koji locked the door of his shop as he replied, “Not really sure, but Date-san needs me on set.”

“Can’t he call someone else?”

“I told him that I owed him a favor for the shoes.”

“I see,” Fukka simply shrugged, “I’ll offer you dinner another time then.”

“Sure.”

Koji excused himself quickly, and hurried to his car. Not only Date had told him that he was in ‘desperate need of help’, but he sounded desperate. His grave tone made Koji restless, and he tried to reach the studio as fast as he could. All in all, whatever the situation was, he hoped that nothing had happened to Date, and that he could help him somehow.

When he arrived, he let Date know that he was there, before jumping off his car and running to the building’s entrance. It didn’t seem to be the HQ of the magazine since the place was smaller than he imagined, and when there was no specific plaque in the lobby, Koji understood that the building was just filled with studios and sets for photoshoots or movies.

There was a woman in what appeared to be the reception, but he didn’t need to call for her, as his ears caught someone running in the corridor. He turned to his left, and in a bunch of seconds, Date took him by his hand and dragged him along. They stopped when they were out of the studio, in front of its closed door.

Date finally turned and explained what was happening.

“The photographer for the last shoot told me he couldn’t make it, and with only ten minutes of notice there was really no one I could call to replace him. So, can you please do it?”

Even though Koji had to feel on cloud nine for that offer, the suddenness of it put him off. 

“Even though I did help some rookie models with their portfolios, this would legit be the first time I worked with some. I’m not used to this level of photoshoot, Date-san, how am I supposed to do it?”

“You have assistants, there’s a creative team, and there will be me. You’re not alone.”

“Still—”

Date held Koji’s shoulders firmly, “It doesn’t matter if you’ve never done something like this, I know you can do it.”

Koji was still feeling insecure. Entering that room meant to be around people who were truly professionals. There were no parents trying to calm down their children and get them to smile, there were no shy young adults who were taking a close-up for their resume. Beyond that door there was a world foreign to Koji, much different from his small world at his shop, and much more cruel.

He wanted to help Date, since he also still owed him one, but he felt like this was something out of his league. He stared at that studio’s door in fear, and repeated in his head that, unfortunately, he really couldn’t do this.

When he was about to turn the other down, Koji saw the pleading eyes of Date. The stress and hopelessness in them made his heart clench. He was the editor-in-chief, and he had no one else to help him get out of this trouble which wasn’t even his fault. Date was bearing so much pressure that it was even visible by how his shoulders, usually upright and firm, were now sunk and tired.

If he refused, nothing would have happened to him, but Date would have faced the consequences.

If he accepted, Date would be rescued, but Koji could get burned by this experience.

When he looked one last time into Date’s eyes, Koji had his answer.

He mimicked the other and put his hands on his shoulders as well, “Alright, I’ll do it. I can’t promise that it’ll be a good job, but I’ll try my best.”

Date’s tensed lips exploded in a wide smile. The man even threw himself at Koji and hugged him tightly, and he could feel how Date was releasing all his stress in that hug, which he returned without missing a beat.

“What would I do without you, Koji.”

“You wouldn’t have a photographer for your shoot.”

Date laughed, letting him go, and checking with him one last time if he was ready, before opening the door of the studio and bringing him in.

The studio was at least three times the size of Koji’s. A team of make-up artists and hairdressers were in charge of the models, while a team of stylists were checking the clothes displayed on the numerous racks gathered in the far right corner of the room. He wasn’t introduced to any of them though, because Date led him to the team working on set.

“Everyone, this is Mukai Koji, our photographer for today’s photoshoot,” Date announced. “It’s his first time working for a magazine, but he’s incredibly talented, so I’m sure there will be no issues.”

“Nice to meet you all,” Koji said in a slightly trembling voice. He cleared his throat to no avail, “A—As Date-san said, this is a new work environment for me, but I’ll do my best.”

“You can trust him.”

Five pairs of eyes studied Koji for a brief moment. He expected to be judged, to be looked down on, but upon hearing Date’s words, the skeptical stares turned welcoming. He didn’t know if it was because he looked competent enough, or because they trusted every decision Date made, nonetheless, Koji was incredibly glad of the two strong and firm hands that were holding his shoulders at that moment, charging him with much-needed strength.

“And of course, Koji,” Date then directed his words at him, “You can trust them as well. They’re some of my best assistants.”

After being introduced to the assistants, Date brought him to the creative team, and they quickly explained to him the idea behind the photoshoot. Koji could have guessed that it was about flowers, since there were bouquets all around, and bowls filled with petals on the tables, and when he was told that the theme was ‘perfect harmony’, his mind started to think about all the ways he could show that through his lenses.

He went back to the set, and started to give instructions to the assistants. Koji’s voice was coming out very shy at first. He still felt like a fish out of water. He wondered what he was doing there, and couldn’t help but hold on his camera for dear life.

Is this what they call impostor syndrome? Or do I actually deserve to be here?

As the models stepped foot on set and the assistants prepared the last details for the photoshoot, the thought of running away crossed his mind. His legs must have followed suit, since he turned around and really made for leaving. But then his eyes met Date’s, who was standing far away from him but still watching him closely.

Date gave him an encouraging smile.

“... and there will be me.”

Right, there’s Date-san here. And he trusts me.

“Mukai-san, we’re ready,” the voice of an assistant came from behind.

He took a deep breath, held his camera firmly, and faced the photoshoot set. Date trusted him, so, he took a leap of faith, and decided to trust himself as well.

 

The studio’s door closed and he jumped on his feet as the loud sound came from behind him. When he saw that it was Date he relaxed again, and went back to stare at the set in front of him.

“So, how was it?” Date asked, going to stand next to him.

“More fun than I expected.”

“Really?”

Koji hummed in response. “At first I thought that I had to keep a serious attitude, to look the part, you know, but I found myself casting that aside and just having fun. I loved using all kinds of props, arranging the models’ positions and poses, and giving instructions that are not the general ‘Big smiles!’ or ‘Try giving the baby a candy, he may stop crying’ for example.”

“This is entirely different indeed. So…”

Koji could feel Date’s stare on him, so he returned that and asked him with a nod of the head what he wanted to tell him.

“So, is that what you’re missing?”

He crossed his arms and let himself reason on that question for a while. However, he knew that he didn’t need to think much, since the answer had been pretty clear even while he was doing the photoshoot.

“I don’t think so. I mean, I did enjoy it, but I still prefer what I do at my shop.”

“Because you can capture moments there.” As if Date had already known the answer, he looked at Koji with a knowing gaze. “While most people take pictures of what they consider beautiful or breathtaking, you, Koji, tend to take pictures of what moves your heart.”

Koji felt weird, as if he had been just stripped of a veil he didn’t know he was wearing. “Is that so?”

Date nodded. “I remember going through your photos and realizing that I could describe all of them with a single word, ‘memory’.”

It was the first time that someone had pointed that out to him, so he couldn’t affirm nor deny that. As far as he was concerned, he just took pictures of what he wanted to capture. It was true that he didn’t focus only on aesthetic sceneries or subjects Sakuma would describe as ‘just out of tumblr’, but Date’s observation still came as a surprise.

“And here I thought I wanted to become a famous photographer, maybe I’m happy enough at my small shop with crying babies and people asking for a passport photo.”

“Those are still memories after all,” Date affirmed. He mimicked Koji’s pose and crossed his arms as well, and shrugged, “This is just my interpretation though, I may be wrong.”

“I’ll check my camera roll at home and let you know,” Koji informed him.

He was curious to know whether the input his friend gave him was true or not, so he was looking forward to going home and ascertaining that. However, if that happened to be true, then there was another problem arising.

“At this point, if what I’m missing is not in my job, then we have to search in the other aspects of my life.”

As he opened a new topic of the conversation, Date waited for him to elaborate on that while going around the studio and tidying some things up. Koji took the liberty to roam freely as well.

“Let’s start with family. I’m on very good terms with my folks, so that’s not it. Same goes for friends, since I also reconnected with you and the others. Health? Well, I’m doing fine for now. We also just understood that it is not work, so the only choice left is my love life, which is non-existent,” Koji counted on his hand, and raised his pinky finger in the air when it came down to that last option. “Ah, yeah, this must be it.”

“What are you talking about? Didn’t you have a date with that neighbor of yours?”

“Ah, right, Abe-chan.”

“Aren’t you going to deny that it was a date?” Date teased, as he still remembered how Koji was convinced that his neighbor was not, in fact, into him.

“Kinda hard to do that when he said so himself.”

“I told you so, it was pretty clear. So, did you like it?”

Koji recalled the day he had spent with Abe and found himself sighing loudly. Date caught that particular and immediately commented on that.

“Doesn’t seem like it judging by that sigh.”

“It’s not that, I did enjoy it, and I did accept to go out with him again—”

A deafening sound cut the air in the wide studio. Koji was so startled that he went to look for its source with worry, but then let out a sigh of relief when he saw that it was just a bowl being toppled over causing red rose petals to fall on the floor. Date cursed as he kneeled down to fix the mess he did, while the bowl kept on rolling on the floor. 

Koji closed their distance with not so few strides since he was in the other side of the room, and the first thing he did was stop that bowl from making the loud rumble that was killing his ears.

“I’ll help you.”

“Sorry about it.” Date scoffed, surely to himself, “I didn’t realize it was there and my hands bumped into it.”

“It’s fine, we’ll just take a couple of minutes to collect them all,” Koji reassured his friend, despite not managing to stop his eyebrow to raise curiously, since the bowl was too large to not be noticed. He reckoned that Date must have been tired, it was already late in the evening after all, so he opted to distract him by continuing their chit-chat. “Enough about me, how about you? Are you dating anyone? Oh! I bet you had some love story in either Milan or Paris.”

“I’m afraid I have to disappoint you. I had nothing like that. And I still don’t.” His words were followed by a bitter laugh.

“What?!” he exclaimed at the top of his lungs, “I can wrap my head around you not dating anyone right now, but you didn’t have an european love?”

Date had a perplexed look on his face, “I don’t understand why you always have to dump random English words into conversations, what even is an european love—Anyway, I did have some flings, but nothing that lasted.”

“Why so?”

“I didn’t feel a connection with any of them.”

“Connection?”

“Yeah, has that ever happened to you? To feel that your bond with someone is special. It’s more than just clicking, you…” Date took a pause, trying to find the right word to express himself. In the end, he said, “You just know it’s right.”

Once again, Koji could see himself in Date’s words. He could relate to that so much, since Koji knew perfectly what that ‘connection’ meant now that Date explained it. It was indeed hard to put it into words, but as someone who knew how it felt, he understood perfectly how difficult it was to be in a relationship where that was lacking.

No matter how many people he had gone out with, no one made him feel that they were the right person, no one made him feel as if there was the red string of fate pulling them together. There was only one person that had that effect on him, and that person was right in front of him.

“I don’t know if I’m making any sense to you.”

“You are, Date-san, you are making sense. You don’t even know how much,” Koji assured him.

His statement must have gotten Date intrigued, because he could feel how the man turned in his direction, finally leaving the sight of the fallen petals on the floor. Koji didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to get that Date was probably going to ask him if he had shared that connection with someone.

It was the ideal time to finally come clean, he perfectly knew that, and yet, his brain acted quickly, as if by now there was an unconscious and automatic defense system that sheltered Koji’s truth safe in his heart. Before he could stop himself, he asked, “Have you ever had that connection with someone?”

Again, a bitter laugh from Date. 

“I had.”

Koji ignored the way that answer stinged him and proceeded on with his questions. “And what happened with that person? Don’t tell me they dumped you, because that would be insane.”

“Kinda hard to dump me when we weren’t together in the first place. It turned out that the connection I felt was one-sided, so, much ado about nothing I guess.”

The earlier sting became less sharp, but it still ached somehow. The idea that Date had gone through a one-sided love just like him made him sad. The belief of having a special bond that went behind a normal friendship being destroyed by the realization that it had only been a dream was devastating.

It was rather hilarious how Date and Koji managed to be in synchro even there. To their long list of similarities they could also add one-sided love.

“How’s that person doing now?”

Date hesitated. He stayed silent while collecting the last few petals and standing up, placing the bowl carefully back on the table.

“They’re doing great, I suppose.”

“You’re not in touch with each other anymore?”

“Not really,” the answer was brief, final, clear.

Koji just nodded, not desiring to pry too much into Date’s life, considering that Koji wasn’t anymore an active and present part of it. The dejected look on the other’s face though didn’t make it easy for him to leave him alone, hence, he tried to think about something that could cheer him up.

However, no jokes were coming to his mind, neither impressions or comedy sketches he could quote. It was also definitely too late for a dinner invitation. Maybe he could have taken Date for a drive by offering to take him home, if the man still lacked a driver license.

Date was gathering his belongings, ready to leave, and Koji held onto his camera as he realized that the time was running out. He wasn’t going to let Date go home with that gloomy aura around him, but what could he have done? 

What did he used to do in the past to cheer him up?

And then, as quick as that question came to his mind, Koji glanced at his camera, and he got his answer.

“Date-san!”

The man turned, “What?”

“Can I take some pictures of you?”

Date blinked his eyes, “Come again?”

Koji walked up to him and took him by his arm, “Come on, it’s been ages since I last did. I want to see if your modeling skills are still top-notch.”

It took him a couple of minutes of pleading before he managed to drag Date on the set, and having him in front of his camera. Date seemed reluctant at first, but soon enough he began posing for him, just as he used to do when Koji wanted to try a new lens and he needed someone for it.

It had always been so fun taking pictures of Date. Not only did he possess a flawless bearing and a refined elegance worthy of a prince, he was also endowed with a natural charm that seized everything and everyone around him. Date’s stunning presence could have easily broken his lens with its power.

“Date-san, let’s take some shots with you on the floor.”

“Like this?” Date followed Koji’s instructions and sat down. He raised a leg and rested his arm on his knee.

“Perfect!”

The set they had used for the photoshoot had already been dismantled, so they only had the white base as background. Despite Date’s clothes having colors, it still was too plain for Koji. He needed to do something about the background.

Koji inspected his surroundings until he spotted the bowl of petals they had collected previously. He went to take a fistful of the red petals so that he could spread them around Date.

“Hey! I just picked those up!” Date whined.

When Koji was satisfied with the way he had placed the petals, he resumed his special photoshoot. He asked Date to tilt his head on his right side, and the man complied; he even started giving new poses to the camera. His gaze was so mesmerizing that Koji was sure that anyone watching those pictures would feel like Date was staring right into their souls. It was the proof of how Date could capture someone even with just his eyes.

Koji wanted more of that. It wasn’t that strange after all. He would always end up craving for more shots of Date the more he took them, because he wanted to convey to everyone just how awesome he was.

He inched closer and closer, and before he knew it, he was within the range Date defined as his ‘personal space’ everytime. Date pretended to shove Koji away, but instead let him do as he pleased. Seeing that, Koji told himself that Date must have lowered his wall that night, so, he decided to take that chance to capture some nice close-ups.

“I’m going to borrow your lap for a moment,” he said as he sat on Date’s thighs and adjusted his camera to take the close-up shots.

“Get off!” Date said, laughing out loud.

“Date-san, I’m trying to be professional here. Please, let me do my job.”

“I’ve never seen a photographer doing this though?”

“I just don’t mind skinship.”

“Or are you trying to flirt with the model?”

Koji lowered his camera and smirked playfully. “Oh, dear, if I wanted to flirt then I would have done this,” he said, as he proceeded to shift a lock of Date’s hair behind his ear, his gaze alluring. His fingers left Date’s face to go lower and touch his chest, where he opened the first button of the man’s shirt. “Now, this is flirting.”

Koji emphasized that word while pressing his finger on the portion of skin left uncovered by that loosened button. It was too late for him to realize what he was doing. That contact continued as he all but struggled to breathe, his eyes falling on Date’s chest and his mind going blank.

Just like every other time Date and he got so close, Koji found himself unable to move, unable to speak, unable to get air in his lungs and senses in his brain. He stood – or better sat, still on Date’s thighs – there without uttering a sound. The only thing he could do was looking back at Date and hoping that he would have saved them from that situation.

All Date had to do was shake Koji off him and make a joke, so they could have laughed it off. However, the man didn’t do that. He didn’t remove Koji’s finger from his chest, he didn’t stop Koji when he certainly noticed how his face was leaning in every second more, as if there was some kind of energy that was luring him in.

Maybe Koji just had to gather all his strength and push himself away from Date’s body, so that he could run and hide in embarrassment and shame. He was even ready to do an attempt, his face beginning to distance itself, when Date suddenly grabbed Koji’s hair and pulled him in.

Koji needed some seconds to realize that he was, in fact, kissing Date. He was lucky that his camera was hanging on a strap by his neck, because his body all but melted at that sensation, his hands resting in mid-air, unmoving. Date’s lips were so soft against his, but at the same time they were firm, claiming Koji like he was his.

He couldn’t believe that what he thought was only going to be a fever dream stacked at the back of his head and forever forgotten was now actually happening. He was kissing Date—No, Date was kissing him. It was so surreal that he couldn’t wrap his head around that, it just couldn’t be real that his lips were on Date’s.

Maybe he had been hallucinating the whole time and he was with some random person and not with the person whom he pined after for years. 

Koji dared to part his eyes a little bit and what he found before him was none other but Date. There was no mistake. He was kissing his best friend—His ex-best friend? Old friend? Old crush? He didn’t know anymore how to name their relationship at this point, but he sure knew that he wanted to return that kiss.

He was about to hold Date’s face in his hands when the man abruptly broke their kiss. Date gaped at him, in disbelief with himself probably, and then scooted off, moving Koji away and stammering out something that sounded like an apology.

Koji tried to get a hold of Date’s arm but he failed, as the other snatched it away before he could have reached it. “I can’t afford for it to happen again.”

Without saying anything else, Date grabbed his jacket and his bag and exited the room hastily, like a tornado who had swallowed up Koji and then left him behind dealing with the aftermath. Koji could only stare at the door dumbfounded, while he was sitting down among the rose petals, the only witnesses of that unexpected kiss.

One of his hand went to his throbbing heart, which still didn’t understand if it was aching for what happened or for the fact that it had ended before he could have any chance to do something about it. And then, his hand traveled lower, over his stomach. Koji could feel it, vivid and strong, that funny feeling that appeared every time he was with Date. 

If before he could pretend to feign ignorance and fool himself, now he couldn’t anymore. That funny feeling was something similar to that ‘connection’ Date had mentioned about, and he knew that pretty well because it was just what he used to feel when looking into Date’s eyes in the past.

Only one word crossed his mind as he realized all that.

Fuck.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Koji’s brain was a jungle at the moment. His thoughts tangled together, intertwining with the flashbacks of everything that happened in the studio. He had repeated that moment in his mind over and over again and despite having desired nothing else but that for so long, he couldn’t stop the voice in his head that told him that what they did was a mistake. And that voice carried the one of Date.

“I can’t afford for it to happen again.”

Even though it was Date the one who had initiated the kiss, he was also the first one to run away, after letting Koji know that there wouldn’t have been a second time. There was only one thing to take from this: it had been a mistake. And yet, how could a mistake feel so right? 

When Date had locked his fingers in his hair and had smashed their lips together it was magical. The warmth of Date’s lips on his had set them on fire, and the sensation had been so strong that Koji could still feel his lips burning, as they yearned to meet that touch again.

Koji was at his wit’s end. He needed help, and he went to search for it to the only person he could turn to.

He climbed the stairs to Fukka’s apartment two at a time, and when he arrived he started to press the doorbell incessantly, and also knocking on the door, just to be sure that his call for help would be heard.

A frightened Fukka opened the door and glared at him.

“Are you out of your mind?!”

“Date-san kissed me.”

“Oh, it figures then. Come in.”

Koji was brought to the living room. Fukka let him have a seat and passed him one of the cans of beers he had previously prepared for himself. The man went to sit on the floor, across from him, and asked what had happened. In the end, Koji ended up lying down on the couch while the can was already emptied of its content and was now abandoned on the table. His eyes were directed at the white ceiling, a perfect representation of his mind at the moment, when he heard his friend giggle.

He turned and threw him a puzzled look. “What is it?”

“The image of you straddling Date-san is rather funny to me, I’m sorry.”

“I wasn’t straddling him! I was just sitting on his lap to get a nice close-up!”

“Just so you know, bros don’t do that.”

Koji made a face of annoyance as he crossed his arms and rolled on his side, not wishing to see Fukka’s face. He knew his friend was right, but at the moment it wasn’t what he needed.

“I need someone that unties the knots in my head, not pulls them so it hurts more,” he muttered.

There were some shifting sounds and then a loud sigh released by Fukka’s throat, the usual one he did when he lay down on his carpet and relaxed. So he glanced behind him, and saw Fukka signaling to join him. Koji dragged himself next to his friend, and he chuckled since he realized that they were lying just like that when he told Fukka about Date.

“Months ago I was telling you about my long-lost love, and now I’m telling you that he kissed me. Life is unpredictable, isn’t it?”

“It sure is,” Fukka agreed. His friend sighed deeply after that as he confessed, “Listen, Koji, there’s a piece of information I kept from you.”

“A piece of information?”

“It’s about Date-san.”

Koji raised himself a bit, propping himself up with his elbow, and stared down at the other. “What do you mean?”

“Do you remember when you asked me to do that investigation for you?” Fukka waited for Koji to nod before continuing. “Well, when we were talking on your veranda, he asked me something weird.”

“Weird?”

“Yeah, he asked me, ‘Does Koji know?’ and since it was very vague, I just denied that since you’re not aware of many things anyway.”

Fukka gained a slight punch on his shoulder and a glare for that statement.

“What should I know? What did he mean?”

“Judging by his tone and gaze at the time, I kind of started speculating on things, and now that you told me that he kissed you, I think we can suppose that Date was referring to his feelings. He probably thought you stopped talking to him because of that.”

If someone had put Koji in front of a mirror, he knew that his face looked just like a computer buffering and trying to catch up with the information he was getting. However, Koji’s brain must have used an old operating system since he was finding it very difficult to analyze those words.

Fukka finally met his eyes and nearly laughed out when he saw his face.

“What? Were you so preoccupied about your own feelings to not have thought about the chance of Date-san liking you back?”

Of course, he wanted to say. Maybe he was too engrossed in his own pining and fear of ruining their friendship, but Date was his best friend, so there was no way he could have taken the chance of a mutual feeling in consideration. He had always thought to be the only one in the wrong, for having fallen in love with the other, and he still found it quite foolish to believe Fukka’s theory.

Nevertheless, if he recalled what Date had told him about that one-sided love of his, it made much more sense to align that person with Koji. They had indeed never been together, since there never was the hint of something more than a friendship between them; they did lose contact with each other and were not talking anymore like before.

‘It turned out that the connection I felt was one-sided.’

Did this mean that Date had picked up on Koji’s feelings? Was the love he had hidden in his heart indeed obvious as he feared? If that were to be true, then cutting ties with him must have sent the signal that they actually weren’t connected as Date believed.

It made sense. It made so much sense that Koji gripped his hair and whined in frustration. He fell back on the carpet, his body was without any energy left on his body.

“So it was me?”

“The one he told you about tonight? Most likely.”

“But he told me that he believed I stopped contacting him because I didn’t support his choice of moving to Europe.”

Fukka chuckled, “People lie, Koji. Either to protect themselves or the ones they have dear to them. Didn’t you lie too about that?”

“Well, I didn’t really get the chance to talk about that. Everytime I tried to open up, the world sent something to interrupt me.”

“It’s perfect!” Fukka exclaimed, sitting up and widening his eyes in excitement. “When you go talk to him about the kiss, you can tell him about the real reason, and hopefully everything will be cleared up.”

Koji furrowed his eyebrows, “You told me to not do that.”

“Because you told me that you didn’t love Date-san anymore. If he was still in love with you, but you were ready to move on with Abe-san, then it would have just been too cruel for Date-san to know that you actually returned his feelings at the time, don’t you think?”

His friend got a point, but there was another fact that remained. Solid and firm. 

“All of what you said may be true, but it’s also nonetheless true that he said that he can’t afford for our kiss to happen again.”

“Don’t think about that for now, rather, come here,” Fukka held his arms and pulled him up, “Did you like the kiss?”

“Of course I did, it was Date-san. It was like tasting the forbidden apple, and Date-san really made me feel that since he doesn’t want to—”

“I already told you to not think about that, didn’t I?”

Koji pouted, giving him a nod.

“So, you liked it. Do you want to do that again?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then, can we finally put out there that you still love Date-san?”

He chewed on his lips and wore a worried expression, which made Fukka roll his eyes. 

“Koji, what’s the problem with admitting that? Do you really think to not have any feelings for him?”

“I can’t explain it, it’s just that I—I can’t bring myself to say it. I know about it, I feel it everytime I’m with him, but there’s something stopping me.”

“Perhaps you just need a bit of time to think. The kiss has surely set in motion new thoughts and possibilities, so you just have to figure things out and then talk to Date-san.” Fukka gave some soothing pats on his back, before adding, “And Abe-san of course, you need to tell him if you don’t feel the same way as him.”

“I know. We’re actually going to meet in a couple days, we’re going to take a stroll around some park he googled up and have some ice cream there. He said that it’s very pretty and that I can take nice pictures there.”

Fukka groaned loudly when he heard that. He ran his hands on his face before staring deadly serious at Koji. “If you reject him can I hit on him?”

“Fukka-san!”

“What? You’ve gone to, like, one date, you didn’t even kiss, it can’t be weird. He sounds like a very nice and caring person, we can’t have him go to waste with some weirdo.”

“You do realize you’re a weirdo too.”

Fukka pushed him away playfully. “I’m definitely going to hit on him. You’ll be too lost in your lovey-dovey bubble with Date-san to care about it anyway.”

The idea of a day in the future where Date and he were dating put a grin on Koji’s lips. He raised his knees to his chest and hugged his legs, letting himself ponder on the idea for a while.

“Koji,” his friend called for him.

His eyes met Fukka’s sincere ones.

“It’s all going to be okay.”

And Koji hung up on that statement and gave himself the liberty to believe it, because if he had survived once without Date, he didn’t know if he could go through that one more time.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Abe was talking about the new game patch that was released on Splatoon, and was illustrating Koji all the pros and cons of that update. It was rather surprising the fact that a brainiac who studied to relieve stress was also into video games. It was something that showed that Abe had just so many layers to him – and that he could actually get along well with Fukka, if they did end up going out.

He felt so guilty thinking about that. They had already finished their ice creams and were now strolling around, and it didn’t go unnoticed to Koji the way Abe came closer to him with every step he took. Despite not having a clear answer about his feelings for Date, he had understood that, as much as regretful he felt about it, Abe and he weren’t going to be an item.

He had to convey that to his neighbor as soon as possible. He didn’t want to lead him on any further. So, he pointed to a bench not so far away from them, and he suggested taking a seat there. Abe gladly agreed.

“The weather is really nice today, isn’t it?” Abe commented, stretching his arms high up in the air.

Koji nodded in response. He played with his thumbs nervously as he spoke out. “Abe-chan, I need to tell you something.”

“What is it?” the man asked, his usual bright smile plastered on his face.

“I like being with you, and you’re an amazing person, but…” he trailed off, not really having the courage to reject the other.

Abe, being as smart as ever of course, had already understood what Koji was implying. He kept his smile up and nodded, letting Koji know that he had received the message he wanted to convey.

“You don’t like me that way, right?”

“I’m so sorry, really, if you had come months ago I’m sure that we could have been together, but right now—”

“It’s that old friend of yours, isn’t it?”

Koji was surprised to hear that question. Did it take Abe only one encounter to realize what there was between Date and Koji? He couldn’t help but sit there speechless, while Abe laughed at his reaction.

“When we met that night it was kind of awkward, I felt like I was barging into a moment that was meant to be just for you two. And also – almost surely you didn’t notice that – Miyadate-san looked at me up and down, his eyes scanned me like I was some shady person who had just entered a jewelry shop with the plan of stealing something from him.”

Koji would have liked to deny that, to affirm that it couldn’t have been possible, but the recent developments happened with Date made him unable to do so. He lowered his gaze, feeling somewhat apologetic.

“Ah~ I guess I didn’t manage to steal the diamond from him.”

Abe pouted, his face taking a slight dejected expression, but he still looked somewhat cheerful, and Koji worried that the man was forcing himself.

“I’m sorry, Abe-chan.”

“Hate the game, not the player,” Abe declared. “I don’t know the story between you two, but I can’t be mad just because you fell in love with him when I’m the one who came later. Actually, I’m grateful that you told me before my feelings could get any deeper.”

Koji didn’t have much else to reply. He was beyond thankful that Abe had understood him and hadn’t blamed him for having wasted his time. Abe was truly a gem, and he hoped they could still be friends despite this failed attempt at something more. 

He offered the man a hug, which Abe accepted.

“So, are you two dating then?” Abe asked when they parted.

“It’s kind of complicated.”

“Why so?”

“I can’t really have a grasp of my own feelings. There are all the signals that I still love him like I did in the past, and it really looks like he returns my feelings, that he has always done actually, so it should be one of the greatest moments of my life, and yet there’s something stopping me.”

Thinking about it, it was weird to talk about his own love-life problems with the person he had just rejected, but the first one to ask was Abe himself, so Koji reckoned that the man was fine with it. Either that, or Abe was one of those people that believed in the ‘as long as they’re happy I’m too’.

“Could it be that you’re afraid?”

“Of what?”

“By the way you worded that, I get it that you two were friends and that you fell in love with him, not knowing that he was also feeling the same as you?”

“Yeah, we were never together, and drifted apart without telling each other our feelings.”

“I assume then that what you thought was just wishful thinking had turned into reality, something within your grasp, something you can finally achieve if you’d like to, and that might be scaring you away.”

Koji had a puzzled frown on his forehead and upon seeing that, Abe continued.

“The transition from friends to lovers it’s never easy. Some people even break up and lose their dear friends because of that, hence why many people prefer to suppress their feelings. So we can conclude that even if your heart wishes to be with Miyadate-san, your brain is restraining your feelings because dating him would mean crossing the line of friendship and walking into the unknown territory of a romantic relationship.”

Koji was looking at Abe in a daze, “You sound just like one of those voices they use for documentaries that run on NHK. I could listen to you forever.”

Abe giggled and accepted the compliment, but didn’t let Koji avoid the topic. “You did listen to what I said though, right?”

“I did,” Koji sighed, “I can’t say if it’s right or wrong, but it’s surely convincing.”

“What are you going to do then?”

Koji let his back fall on the seatback of the bench. He crossed his arms and stared at an indefinite point in the grass. Abe did the same, but this time he let more than just a few inches separate their bodies.

“He’s not talking to me at the moment – not like I tried contacting him either anyway – so I guess I’ll ask to meet up and hope he will show up.”

“I’m sure he will,” Abe reassured him.

Koji threw his head back and looked at the sky, directing his wish perhaps to some holy entity above them. “I hope you’re right.”

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Koji was sitting on the fence next to the swing, in the park Date and he used to spend most of the time during their university days. The park wasn’t as impressive as the one he went to with Abe. It was nothing like that. There wasn’t a wide lake at the center of it, there weren’t flowering trees at the sides of cobblestoned trails, there weren’t birds chirping all around.

The swing was standing lonely in the game area, the fence was rusty in more than one place, the ground didn’t have any grass to cover its soil, and the few trees in the park were all old, piles and piles of leaves resting around their trunks.

He was sure that from above, this small park looked just like a random dot not covered in cement. It might haven’t been the greatest idea to have Date reaching him there, but it was the most fit place for the talk they were going to have, since a large part of their memories belonged there.

Koji dried his sweaty hands on his trousers when he caught with the corner of his eyes a figure approaching. He turned his head and saw Miyadate giving him a nod before walking up to him.

He showed up, he thought, a smile breaking out in his face.

He expected the man to sit next to him, but seeing how he stopped a meter away from him, Koji stood up and faced him.

“Thanks for coming.”

“No problem, I also had to talk to you anyway. I wasn’t able to tell you some stuff.”

“Then I guess you should start.”

“Sure,” Date said. He took a deep breath before speaking. “We need you to send us your contact information so we can pay you for the photoshoot, which will be credited to you of course, so your name will show up in its pages. Finally, we’ll be sending a free copy of the magazine once it will be finished, so we hope you’ll look forward to it.”

Koji could only blink his eyes and stood incredulous in front of the other man. Did Date come there just to talk about work? Was that the ‘some stuff’ he didn’t manage to tell him last time? Was this a joke?

“Date-san, are you for real?”

“What do you mean?”

“I asked you to meet me here, in this park, our park, and you think I want us to talk about money?”

Date stayed silent, his dark brown eyes staring at Koji for a couple of seconds before they went to the ground. “I also came to tell you that it’s better if we don’t see each other ever again.”

Koji was sure that the shattering sound he heard, like a glass destroying itself in a million pieces, belonged to his heart. 

“What?” he whispered. 

“It was nice to meet you after all these years, but… I just can’t do this again. I told you last time, didn’t I? This can’t happen again.”

Date kept his gaze down, meaning that Koji couldn’t look at him in the eyes, something that bothered him at that very moment. He needed to see his eyes, he needed to decipher what the hell all that meant. So he held one of Date’s wrists and tried to have him return his gaze.

“Please, look at me.”

“I don’t think I can bear it this time, so, please, let me go.”

“Bear what? What are you talking about?”

Date freed his wrists from Koji’s grasp, and whispered a goodbye, “Thank you for everything, Koji, I wish you all the happiness you deserve.”

The man’s voice slightly trembled, which made every word even more painful for Koji.

He was understanding nothing. Instead of talking about the kiss, Date had built a blank wall with the intention of not having Koji come across it. He wasn’t even looking him in the eye, and was saying goodbye to him for good. Koji was left looking at Date’s back as the man started walking away.

But he couldn’t let that happen. He had walked away from Date’s life once, and he had made a mistake. He wasn’t going to let that happen even now. He wasn’t going to lose him. Not again. So, he called for him at the top of his lungs.

“Did you dislike our kiss that much?!”

Date’s steps came to a halt. He turned slowly, a confused frown on his face. “What?”

“You said that you can’t afford for it to happen one more time, that’s why I’m asking you this question. Did you dislike it that much?”

Date smiled wryly as he shook his head, “Do you really think I’m talking about the kiss?”

“What else then?”

There was resignation in Date’s gaze. The man must have told himself that there was no escaping from this, as Koji wasn’t going to let him go away without an explanation.

“I could understand if you were oblivious years ago, but isn’t it obvious to you now?”

There was only one way Koji wanted to reply with.

“The person you told me about at the studio...”

Date swallowed in anticipation, knowing what was coming.

“Was that person… me?”

Blinking a few times, Date averted his gaze. He smiled as he shrugged, “What if you were?”

“If I were that person,” Koji started. He closed his hands in two tight fists as he forced the words out of his mouth. “I would come up to you right now and kiss the hell out of you.”

Maybe his words were too straightforward, maybe even too rough for someone like Date, but he didn’t care about that, he just wanted his feelings to come across.

Since Date was dumbfounded by that reply, Koji took that chance to finally let out everything he had been holding inside his heart. The universe didn’t seem like stopping him this time, so it must have been the right thing to do. That moment was all theirs.

“The reason why I distanced myself from you was because I loved you, Date-san. My heart was all yours, but I never had the courage to tell you that. I was afraid to ruin our friendship, to hurt you, and so I kept my mouth shut. When you went to Europe, I knew I wouldn’t have borne the distance, so I took it as a chance to get over you, and started drifting away. I was trying to protect me, and you too, in a way.”

“I thought you did because you had realized my feelings,” Date remarked.

“I had zero clue about that. It wasn’t until you kissed me that I started to think about that possibility. Sorry if I made you suffer.”

“I did suffer, but don’t apologize, I did kiss you out of nowhere as well. It was an impulse, I couldn’t hold myself back. I’m sorry if I made everything even more messed up, I guess the last thing you wanted was to revive feelings you managed to bury with all your might.”

“Bold of you to assume that I actually managed to do that,” Koji admitted, him too releasing a wry smile now.

Date’s eyes widened when he heard that. They started to glisten with something that looked just like hope, and Date’s stance became agitated, for his next words were a maze of confused words, “Do you mean—Are you still—You mean to say that… you know?”

Koji wasn’t able to contain an amused giggle since he found Date extremely endearing at that moment. The eagerness to hear from Koji was written all over his face, and his eyes were even following Koji’s lips, as to not lose any words that his mouth produced.

“I wasn’t sure at first, but I’ve been thinking, and now that I’m here, standing right in front of you, I can finally admit – even to myself – that I love you. I’ve always did, Date-san.”

Koji could see the sigh of relief that ran through Date’s body, as the man relaxed and allowed himself to finally breathe normally. He smiled bashfully, before that muted into a playful grin.

“Then it was you, Koji, the person I was talking about,” Date declared. Then he opened his arms, “So? Weren’t you going to kiss the hell out of me?”

He didn’t need to hear that twice. With a few quick steps he closed the distance between them but it was Date the one to pull him in first. He circled his arms around his neck, while Koji held Date by his waist, making sure that he didn’t run anywhere this time, and making a point to return every kiss Date gave him, to make up for the one he couldn’t return at the studio.

The funny feeling was back again, but this time Koji welcomed it. He was in love with Date – of course he was as Fukka would have said – and even though he didn’t know what awaited him, he was ready to take on any challenge that lay before them, no matter how hard.

Date broke their kiss to join their foreheads together and whisper on Koji’s lips, tenderly, “I love you.”

Koji wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, but that would have to wait, for he wanted to stay true to his words and kiss Date until their lungs were out of breath and their hearts filled with each other.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The lively group sitting at the table rejoiced when they saw Fukka enter the family restaurant.

“Finally! You’re so late!” Sakuma exclaimed.

Fukka crashed on the empty spot next to Koji and threw the upper half of his body on the table, “I’ve been correcting exams for hours, I thought I was going to drown under piles of paper.”

“You also teach Modern Japanese, so I bet your eyes must have seen outrageous stuff,” Hikaru commented.

Fukka raised ever so slightly his head just to mutter his reply. “You can’t even imagine.”

“But you’re here now so forget about that and let’s have a fun night!” Koji chirped, shaking Fukka to not let him succumb to the slumber he was already falling in.

“Alright, alright,” Fukka said, removing Koji’s hands from his body, “Order me a drink then.”

Both Koji and Sakuma turned to look for a waiter, when Fukka stopped them all with a sudden yell. They looked at him confused.

“What the hell?” Sakuma asked.

Fukka brought Koji closer and directed his gaze to the entrance of the place.

“Isn’t that Abe-san?”

Indeed, Abe had just entered the family restaurant. Koji wasn’t surprised, considering that it was close to their apartment complex.

“Ah, yeah, that’s him.”

“Is he here alone?”

“He doesn’t mind eating alone at restaurants.”

“Shall we invite him here? It sounds like he’s your friend,” Hikaru suggested.

“That’s—” Koji stuttered, eyeing Date.

Fukka became restless too, trying to explain vaguely why it wasn’t a good idea. Sakuma seemed to approve Hikaru’s suggestion, so now Koji and Fukka were trying to make the pink-haired guy give up.

Date, who was sitting next to Koji, cleared his throat to get the attention of the table. Four pairs of eyes looked at him immediately.

“I wouldn’t mind having him join us, but I don’t know if that’s the same for him.”

“Go ask him then,” Sakuma ordered Koji.

“Things could get weird,” Koji hissed.

“Why even? What happened with that guy?” Hikaru asked in the end, not getting at all what the fuss was all about.

“He liked Koji and asked him out but got rejected because of me.”

In the end, it was Date the one to explain how things went down. Sakuma and Hikaru burst out laughing, while Date kept on sipping his drink unfazed.

“Date-san, why did you tell them?”

“There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s not like you dated.”

“Sorry, I can’t really wrap my head around the fact that someone like that liked Koji,” Sakuma said in between the laughter.

Koji crossed his arms, offended, “Well, just so you know, Date–san himself said that everyone would fall for me, so I don’t see where’s the problem.”

“Now, that was uncalled for,” Date protested, “Why are you exposing me?”

Hikaru stopped everything, raising his hands and calming everyone down, “Alright, guys, alright. Easy there. I personally don’t mind him joining, and looks like none of you does, but in the end the choice has to be Koji’s.”

Koji looked at Abe, who was waiting for a free table to open up while reading the menu. They had been on good terms after he told him about Date-san, and Abe was generally a nice person to hang out with in the first place. He also knew that the man didn’t have many friends, so he would be happy if he managed to bring more people into his circle.

“Fine,” he sighed in the end, before pointing a finger to Fukka, “Go invite him.”

The tiredness in Fukka’s body got shooed away in a minute as he propped himself up and reached Abe in less than a few seconds.

“Look at him, before he was against that and now he’s smiling like that,” Hikaru said, nodding in the direction where Fukka and Abe were.

Koji decided to stay silent, and not reveal that Fukka was just protecting Koji before. If it were for him, Fukka would have gone immediately to Abe, seeing how he still hadn’t shut up about him hitting on his neighbor.

Koji could see Fukka pointing in their direction, and Koji raised his hand to wave at Abe. The man seemed to hesitate a bit before accepting the invite and following Fukka to their table, where he sat next to Sakuma.

During the introductions and until the waiter came to take their orders, there was an awkward tension hovering over the table, but it was Abe himself to break it.

“Just relax, everyone, I wouldn’t have accepted if I felt uncomfortable,” Abe assured them. “Also, Koji and I just went on one date—Well, one and a half since the second one was when I got rejected. But everything’s cool, really.”

“You see him just as a friend now, right?” Fukka was the one to ask.

Koji threw him a quick glance, since he figured that the question was more to his own interest than Koji’s.

“Absolutely.”

“So you’re ready for a new love to approach.”

Abe chuckled embarrassedly, “I guess so.”

“Then let’s toast!” Fukka exclaimed at last, raising his glass and giving Sakuma the cue. “Sakuma, whenever you’re ready.”

“Not as loud as usual, we’re in a public space,” Hikaru reminded him.

Sakuma got himself fired up as he waited for all of them to raise their glasses.

“So, let’s toast to new friends, to the old ones,” he started, directing his gaze to Abe, before moving to all the others. Then, he spent some seconds looking at Date and Koji, his face expressing all his happiness for them, “... and to the ones turned into soulmates.”

Albeit the last bit was rather cheesy, they all brought their glasses together and cheered in unison.

 

Koji and Date had just gotten off the elevator when Koji began to swing their intertwined hands. He was happy. He was incredibly happy. The dreamy smile on his face said it all, and when he glanced at Date, the man chuckled at the sight.

Reaching his apartment, Koji let his boyfriend come in and told him to wait in the veranda, while he prepared two glasses of wine. Date confessed that he had dreamed about drinking wine with him when he was in Paris; Date affirmed that Koji would have loved the view from his balcony, but since they weren’t there, Koji’s veranda had to make do for the time being.

Koji stepped into the veranda and passed the other glass to Date, and then slid his free arm around his body, hugging him.

“Who gave you the permission to cuddle me?”

“Can I cuddle you?”

“No.”

“Well, I’ll ignore that and cuddle you anyway,” he replied, giving a quick peck to the other man’s cheek.

Date covered Koji’s arm with his, and clasped his hand, while letting his head rest on Koji’s shoulder. It wasn’t a usual behavior for him, so Koji thanked whatever magic was in the air that night and enjoyed to the fullest that closeness.

“I missed you like crazy,” Koji whispered in his ear. “I’m so glad you came to that reunion.”

“I wouldn’t have wasted the only chance I had to see you again.”

“Were you in love with me at the time?”

“I’ve never forgotten you therefore I think so, yeah, but I wasn’t planning to confess or anything. I just… I just wanted to see you one more time.”

“Can we say then that we’re here thanks to me throwing up on your shoes?”

Date snorted when he heard that, but nonetheless nodded, “I guess so. Also, if we think about it, the first day we met at the photography club, you—”

“I spilled my orange juice on your uniform!” Koji finished for him, remembering just now that past memory.

“That’s right. It’s like you’re on a mission to ruin my clothes.”

“It’s a strategy to get your attention, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Date repeated, teasing Koji for the over-confident tone he used. “Can I ask you one question now?”

“Sure, go for it.”

“The last time I was here you told me about something missing in your life. Did you manage to find this missing piece now?”

Koji smirked and let his arm free Date just so he could turn him around to stare at him, “Are you perhaps implying that it’s you?”

“That would be too patronizing of me,” Date defended himself, but he didn’t manage to hide his mischievous smirk despite his attempt, raising his glass and drinking a sip of wine.

Koji stole a kiss from Date. He could still feel the wine Date had just drunk and licked his lips while reasoning on the question. He thought about the incessant feeling of lack wrapping around his heart months ago. He would wake up every morning and found himself sighing, despite nothing bad having happened yet. He was also always followed by a shadow that told him that something was wrong.

Now, there was none of that. He didn’t feel any uneasy feeling around him anymore, or any pressuring shadow. He was finally at ease, and he didn’t need to question any further if the person he was holding in his arms right now had anything to do with it.

Koji joined their foreheads together, just like Date did after they had confessed to each other their feelings at the park, and smiled genuinely.

“So, did you find it?”

“I think so, yeah.”
 

Comments

[azurevanillasky]

This took me all day off and on to read because I wanted to savour it. Dear author, I don't even know what I said in my app, but DateKoji is near and dear to my heart. They're just so weirdly tender in their interactions, even here. God, you've written it so damn perfectly. My heart!

The fact they're both morons who refuse to go the extra step because they can't see the love past their own noses? Perfection. Everything I love. God, the anxiety and the unsure feelings. It's so fucking real. Also, them being brought back together by puke shoes. I love it.

Fukka being Koji's bestie gave me so much life in this. Especially with Fukka being an observant bastard that just wants the best for his friends but is also willing to take them at face value because they gotta do this for themselves. Perfect, love it. Glad he was causing problems while also helping. Also, the nod to an AbeFukka potential, be still my beating heart. Gamer buddies and the like.

Also, Fukka teaching modern Japanese just makes sense.

Abe, though, being the kind and understanding man. Shooting his shot but also realizing it is okay that this is how it ended up. He still got a friend out of it after all and his rooting for Koji. I love it. I love it so much. I support Fukka hitting on him, he is too good for this world.

The bit about Koji capturing moments, though. Man, MAN. My heart melted because it feels so right and spot on. I, just, bless (though lmao now I'm thinking about how Koji said his photoshoot wouldn't be the group because of Okada, ahh, brain, please get back on schedule). But, yeah, Koji, enjoyer of people, would.

I hope Fukka got those Pokémon cards in the end.

Anyway, ANYWAY, dear author, I absolutely loved this. Fun fact, I'm as I said, pretty easy going about genre, but you managed to hit exactly what I guess I needed. Thank you~ ❤️🧡 ~Date~Date~Koji-ji~ I'll stop now lmao

I guess I just hope there aren't any bad spelling errors in here. It is 1:30 am and I am not wearing my glasses.