A snowflake for nitohkousuke!

[snowmods09]

Title: Don’t you see? (I’m the one for you)
Pairings: Abe Ryohei/Sakuma Daisuke
Genres: Fluff, Mutual Pining, Domestic Fluff, Idiots in Love
Rating: General Audiences
Summary: Four times Sakuma tries to tell Abe how he feels, One time Abe confesses.
Warnings: None
Author's notes: hiii nitohkousuke! i don't usually write canon compliant stuff so i am SO SORRY if this isn't to your liking !! but i had such fun looking up all the times abe and sakuma hung out in private (aka their hawaii trip and abebe's 20th bday) so i hope it's just as fun to read as it was to write. i hope u enjoy xx

First

It was the night before Abe’s 20th birthday, and Sakuma wasn’t nervous, but a little worried. He’s planned this night for months, called their friends and made them clear up their schedule, booked a hotel in the city, and spent all his savings to rent a limousine and driver to drive them there.

On the evening of Abe’s birthday, Sakuma picked Abe up from his house in a tuxedo, bowtie and all, his wild hair tamed for once. Sakuma had texted him about going to a small get-together he organized with some of their friends, which it was, but he didn’t know everything else.

“What the hell is this?” Abe says, laughing as soon as he sees Sakuma.

Abe was dressed in jeans, a sweater and a puffer jacket. Sakuma says a silent thank you to the weather for cooperating.

“You’re birthday present,” Sakuma holds the door of the limo for Abe and gestures to get inside, their friends cheering as soon as they see Abe.

The drive to the hotel was chaotic, and Sakuma, to this day, doesn’t remember much of it. He does remember the lights illuminating the Rainbow Bridge, Abe’s smile, his laugh, and how the lights shined in his eyes.

When they got to the hotel bar, they were pleasantly drunk. Friends and friends of friends were waiting for them, and the night faded into a mosaic of lights, colours, sounds, and lots and lots of drinks.

When the night was finally winding down, Abe and Sakuma stumbled into their shared hotel room. They’ve shared a room before, countless times, but something about this night felt different. The air had a certain electricity, the air outside was cold but he was burning hot on the inside, probably from the liquor and something else he couldn’t quite place.
They crash into the king-sized bed, laughing about everything and nothing at all. Sakuma vaguely remembers booking a room with 2 beds, but it didn’t matter now. Not when Abe was clinging to his waist and burying his face in the crook of his neck.

Sakuma lay there and stared at the ceiling for what felt like forever, falling in and out of conscience. He focused on Abe’s breaths, slow and steady. Sakuma was about to fall asleep when Abe whispered something along the lines of, “You’re the best.”

Sakuma slept like a baby that night.

Second

Hawaii was Sakuma’s idea, as most things were. What started as a joke until Abe took it seriously and the next thing he knew he was packing a week’s worth of clothes to fly across the world with his best friend.

It was so spontaneous Sakuma hadn’t even done his laundry for the week yet, so he had to buy underwear from 7/11 as soon as they landed, but what a trip it was. Sakuma could still feel the Hawaiian sun beating down on his skin, the smell of sunscreen and ocean, Abe’s tan skin, his soft eyes and his gentle smile. Abe would spend his time on one of the beach chairs, a book in one hand and a drink in the other.

On their last night, they sat by the ocean and watched the sunset.

“I’m gonna miss this place,” Sakuma said, closing his eyes and breathing in deep, trying to embed this moment in his brain. Do not forget this, he wills himself.

“We can always come back, you know,” Abe says. Sakuma stays silent. He senses that this is most likely the last time they will be doing this for a long time.

“You know, this almost feels like a honeymoon,” Sakuma half-jokes. Abe just hums in agreement.

Third

It was common knowledge among the boys that Sakuma loved Abe, long before what Snow Man is now. The other 4 members have known him as long as Abe has known for a while, while the other 3 caught on pretty quickly.

Abe was the only one who didn’t know when Sakuma made it so glaringly obvious.

“Maybe he got so used to you that he just doesn’t see it anymore,” Shota says one time when Sakuma spilled his feelings onto him when it all got a bit much.

“Thanks, Shoppi, but that didn’t help.”

“I wasn’t trying to help you. Just telling you the truth.”

Sakuma whacked him with a book.

But Shota was right, probably. They got so used to each other being the way they were, that the lines between friendship and romance blurred a little. It upsets and frustrates him that he can’t do more about it but he can’t jeopardize his friendship with Abe, and whatever he felt was minuscule compared to Snow Man. He can’t do that to Abe, and he most definitely can’t do that to his band and fans.

He locked his feelings for Abe in a box and tossed it in a metaphorical ocean, along with the key to open it. He has to focus, he has to prioritize his band, his work and his fans. Snow Man’s growth is astounding and every day something new opens up for them.

So when Abe showed up to Sakuma’s house uninvited one night with a bottle of champagne from the night of his 20th birthday, it took every ounce of his strength not to confess everything he felt for Abe.

They reminisce over drinks and video games, and Abe confesses that he’s scared of the future. He’s scared of what will happen to Snow Man, their careers, and their prospects. He confesses that he wishes he was 20 again, in that limo with Sakuma, driving over the Rainbow Bridge.

Sakuma doesn’t say anything, afraid he’ll say something he’ll regret. He just hums in agreement.

That night, Sakuma felt the box he threw away float back up to the surface, wide open.

Fourth

Sakuma, after so many years of yearning and pining, has gotten used to hiding his true feelings by masking them as playful, affectionate, friendship behaviour. Everyone around them had gotten used to Sakuma just being himself, sunny and playful and touchy, everyone just assumed he was like that with people. He was affectionate, sure, but he was only loving to people who mattered.

Abe was the same way, though less touchy and it was less obvious. Abe prefers to show his love through acts of service. He often takes initiative when it’s needed, offers help where he thinks he can be of aid. Sakuma loved this about Abe. When Sakuma fails to act, Abe steps in to help, no questions asked.
Sakuma often forgets to take care of himself when he’s too engrossed in whatever he’s doing. Playing games, reading, watching anime, and working. He gets lost in piles and piles of shows and books and work and somewhere he forgets to eat and sleep, but again, where Sakuma fails, Abe helps.

He would often text Sakuma at random points of the day, reminding him to eat and take care of himself. Abe would joke that he takes better care of his cats and houseplants than himself, which is true most of the time.

So when Abe shows up to the office where Johnny’s Gaming Room is being filmed with a latte in hand, Sakuma is shocked, but some part of him expects Abe to do this. Of course, he would.

Sakuma laughs in disbelief, “What’re you doing here?”

“I have a cafe latte for you!” Abe exclaims, placing the latte on the desk where he is sitting, briefly showing himself to the camera.

“This is Abe-chan! My member!” Sakuma says, slightly bewildered.

That night, in the car on the way home, he texted Abe and thanked him for the coffee. Abe’s only reply was “Don’t worry about it. Don’t work too hard.”

Fifth

Abe was staying over at Sakuma’s house on one of the rare days when they both were free.

“It feels like it’s been forever since we’ve been alone like this,” Abe says while he works on their dinner (vegetable stir fry, miso soup.)

Sakuma giggles and says “Yeah, it has.”

He knows he can’t disturb Abe too much while he’s cooking but he can’t help himself. He saunters into the kitchen and hugs Abe’s waist from behind, resting his chin on Abe’s shoulder. He had to slightly stand on his tip-toes because of the height difference.

“Food’s done?”

“Not yet, Go sit on the couch and wait there. You’re distracting me.”

Sakuma hugs Abe’s waist tighter. “No.”

Sakuma buries his face on Abe’s back and he takes a deep breath. Abe smells like soap, lavender, and strangely enough, books. It feels right like this, with Abe in his kitchen, making dinner. Like puzzle pieces falling into place. Sakuma has always loved Abe’s smell, ever since they were young.

Abe turns to look at Sakuma, their noses almost touching. The world seemed to stop at that moment, the only thing that mattered to Sakuma were Abe’s eyes, how big and brown and beautiful they were. Before Sakuma could even react, Abe was kissing him.

The kiss was quick and soft like a feather grazing Sakuma’s lips. Sakuma barely realized it had happened until Abe pulled away.

“Ah, Abe-chan, the food!” Sakuma screams, noticing the stir-fry, burnt to a crisp. Abe turns off the stove in a hurry as Sakuma grabs the hot pan to bring it to the side, careful not to spill their burnt dinner.

Abe looks at Sakuma, frilly apron on, horrified. It was five seconds of silence before Sakuma burst out laughing. He laughs at how ridiculous Abe looks in his frilly apron, at how ridiculous this dinner night turned out. Abe walks over to Sakuma and starts checking all over, “Are you okay?” He asks, worried.

“I am. Are you?” Sakuma replies, wiping the tears from his eyes from laughing too hard.

“I…” Abe starts before he starts laughing as well, which sends Sakuma into another fit of laughter.

The kitchen smelled awful from the burnt vegetables but they were so happy it didn’t matter.

“Sakuma, I love you,” Abe says, once they both calmed down.

Sakuma grabs his hands and presses their foreheads together.

“I love you too. I love you more.”