A snowflake for greatesthits!
Sep. 3rd, 2023 01:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snowmods09 posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
snow_exchangeTitle:But what would you do if I went to touch you now?
Pairing: IwaFukka
Genre: Mutual Pining, Denial of Feelings, Get Together, Friends to Lovers (Idiots to lovers imo)
Rating: Mature
Summary: Something inside him shifts. Fukka realizes that maybe he actually does have a thing for Hikaru, so now, he’s avoiding him so that he doesn’t ruin everything. Hikaru’s not the type of person to just let Fukka start avoiding him. He confronts him in an elevator.
Author's notes: This was written to I Can See You from the latest Taylor’s Version album. It’s not exactly the plot of it but….I really tried to include that in here haha. Title is from that as well.
It feels like something is crawling under his skin, electrifying and powerful. It feels like his heart was literally beating so fast that everyone could hear it. It feels like he’s sweating more than he would at a concert. It honestly feels like the butterflies in his stomach were an entire set of tornadoes. It feels like he’s dying.
Isn’t that ridiculous for him to get so… so hot and bothered after something that was just in his job description? Especially when it’s just Hikaru.
But that’s the problem. It’s Hikaru. And something inside of his brain has just switched on. A secret desire, a secret feeling that he’s never noticed before. (Which is an outright lie, Fukka has always thought Hikaru was drop-dead gorgeous. Who didn’t think about licking the sweat off of his abs? Totally normal thoughts.)
Fukka steps into the elevator, grateful to be away from everyone for a moment. He leans against the wall, pressing his flushed face against the cool metal. He has to chill out, he has to calm down. It’s just Hikaru. Everyone joked that they were a married couple. Everyone joked that he was Mom and Hikaru was Dad. This isn’t anything new, and it’s just fan service. There isn’t anything real behind it.
But he can’t get his mind to focus on anything else. Ever since that wet dream he had. Ever since he woke up with the imagined taste of Hikaru’s dick in his mouth and his hands in his hair as he tugged and arched his back and called him a ‘Good Boy’ the way he’s always wanted—
“Get yourself together,” Fukka mumbles to himself, smacking the sides of his face as he groans. Today was torture. He can’t keep that up. He’s got to get to the heart of the problem and figure out how he can turn the switch that flipped in his head the other way. Hikaru was smart, too smart. He was going to figure him out.
What would Hikaru do if he knew? Be disgusted by him? Never want to talk to him? Then Fukka would be the cause of the entire group disintegrating because without Mom and Dad what were the rest of them going to do?
Or worse...Turn him down gently like that girl he asked out ages ago. Tell him that he’s sweet but Hikaru’s either not into guys or not into him. After all, he was everyone’s last pick. He’s been in Johnny’s for so long but without the group what would he be? So many of the others could survive, but him? But him? He couldn’t.
Great. The adrenaline from being horny is slowly but surely being fed into his inferiority complex and anxiety. Amazing. He needed to get home and pass out and hopefully reboot his system. He could try again tomorrow. Maybe he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Right?
The door to the elevator opens and on the other side of it is Hikaru, who’s breathing just hard enough to imply that he ran to catch the elevator.
“I called for you to hold it,” Hikaru says, an edge to his voice. Ah shit, Fukka must have pissed him off today with the way he was acting. After all, Fukka hasn’t even managed to look him in the eyes all day. He’s barely spoken to him. He’s tried to be as far away from Hikaru as possible. They were too close for him to not notice things like that.
“Oh… Sorry… I didn’t do it on purpose…” Fukka offers weakly, pointedly trying to stare at him so that it doesn’t look like he’s avoiding his gaze. It isn’t working because instead, all he gets is Hikaru’s sharp jawline or carved-out collar bones or the line of his neck that Fukka wonders what would taste like and—
“Fukka.” Hikaru’s stern with just a hint of concern. “... If I did something wrong, you’re going to have to tell me because I’m at a loss here…” Fukka does manage to look up and catch his gaze this time. He feels guilty at this point because he looks hurt. Shit.
“You really didn’t do anything.” Fukka tries to offer weakly. ‘I’m the problem’ he thinks to himself. ‘It’s me.’
It’s funny how they’re perfect for each other in that they can understand each other in ways that no one gets. Fukka can order for Hikaru and Hikaru knows exactly how Fukka likes things set up when they stay in the same room. They can even finish each other’s sentences. But… when they aren’t aligned? They’re an absolute disaster. Both are so stubborn and petty. When they don’t align, it’s a nightmare. At least it is for Fukka…
Hikaru nods a few times, before he frowns, steps into the elevator, and closes the door, and pulls the stop button.
“Wha-” Fukka says, eyes wide.
“Tell me what’s wrong.” Hikaru crosses his arms and plants himself in front of the elevator controls. The most insanely stubborn man on the planet. Fukka cannot believe he is doing this. There’s no way he’s getting out of this without telling him.
“... Hikaru… C’mon… Please? Don’t make me do this…” Fukka pleads. That’s of course the wrong thing to say because Hikaru now realizes that Fukka isn’t saying something. Hikaru takes a few steps closer, a deep frown on his face.
“... Don’t make you do what? You need to communicate with me. If I’ve done something wrong, just tell me. I know…” Hikaru swallows and looks away, smoothing out his anger and trying to lower his voice back down to a normal tone. “I know I can be an asshole. I know I can push people too hard. I know I can be callous. But I… I can’t lose you… Tatsuya.” Tilting his head to the side, Hikaru’s got just a hint of tears in his eyes, and the way he’s looking at him… If Fukka was a more delusional man, he’d say it was longing. Fukka however, has his feet planted firmly in reality (mostly). “Tell me what I did so I can fix it. I can’t… You won’t look at me. You don’t want to be around me. I can’t go through today again…”
“Lose me…? Hikaru, I don’t think there’s anything you could ever do to lose me.” Fukka gets out before his brain can think of a more platonic way to say those words. “You really haven’t done anything wrong. The opposite honestly.” Okay. Okay. He needs to stop talking. He needs to stop letting words come out of his mouth because he’s going to start confessing and then he really is going to ruin everything.
There’s a long stretch of silence, where Hikaru looks progressively more confused as if he’s trying to dissect what Fukka just said over and over again and figure out what’s going on in his head.
“... What?” Hikaru finally gets out after his attempts mentally get him nowhere. “The… opposite? I’ve done something… right? And that’s why you’re ignoring me?” There’s just a smidge of frustration peaking through his voice.
Fukka’s eyes drop down to Hikaru’s hands and the way he keeps clenching his fists to calm down. His hands are so nice, it’s a sin honestly. The musculature of his arms to his fingertips… His long fingertips. Wouldn’t those be nice wrapped around his dick? The strength and control he could—Nope.
“-ya. Tatsuya!?” Hikaru waves a hand in front of his face and looks far more pissed than he was before. However, his gaze softens and he puts a hand on his forehead. “... Are you not feeling well? You’re burning up and you can’t seem to focus at all.” Wow, this is just like the romance manga he was borrowing from Sakuma. It was also his greatest fantasy and his worst nightmare.
“I’m fine!” Fukka squeaks out, practically plastering himself against the elevator wall, trying to get away from Hikaru’s touch like it was burning him. In some ways it was. He felt warm and sweaty, his heart beating so fast that he wondered if he was just going to die here.
“Nothing about what is going on is fine!” Hikaru’s back to shouting now. “You’re so fucking frustrating! Stop being so fucking stubborn. Tell me what I did wrong!” Fukka should not be thinking about how hot he sounds while yelling at him. That’s weird. That’s wrong. All he can do is stare dumbly at him because even if he wanted to confess right now, his brain was too busy mapping out the way his Adam’s apple bobs when he yells. Wow, there is something WRONG with him.
“Fine.” Hikaru’s voice goes cold. It’s that ice-cold tone that he hits when they’ve gotten into fights so bad that they’ve almost broken up… the group. It’s the kind of tone that Fukka wakes up in the middle of the night over. It’s the kind that plagues his nightmares.
“Wait! No! No no no!” Fukka grabs his wrist, trying to stop him. “No. Please! It’s not… You didn’t do any-” Fukka rambles, but Hikaru turns around, giving him a fierce teary-eyed glare. “Oh my god, Hikaru, I’m so sorry that I’m so madly in love with you and also so insanely attracted to you that I just hit this, like, breaking point, and the reason why I was avoiding you was that dancing with a boner is hard honestly and because you would so know what was up, and then how would I ever look you in the eyes again? How would you ever want to talk to me again when you know that I want you to pick me up and fuck me against the wall like I weigh absolutely nothing?”
Hikaru’s face goes from that ice-cold anger to a kind of startledness that seems to only grow as time passes. A blush spreads across his face as his mouth opens to truly complete the embarrassed look of disbelief. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, blinking as he tries to process his words.
“What.” Is the only thing that Hikaru manages to get out, which honestly is enough to ring every warning bell in Fukka’s head. He’s fucked up! He’s fucked up. Great. Fantastic.
“You know? You know, maybe I don’t feel well. Maybe I’m a little delirious and overworked and I’m just rambling nonsense. I mean, everyone with eyes knows you’re like the hottest member of Snow Man.” Fukka is actively digging the hole deeper and deeper instead of getting himself out of it. What is he doing? “Who doesn’t think about tracing every curve and line of muscle of your body with their tongue? I mean. Not me. That would be weird. That would be insane and very non-platonic of me and I wouldn’t dar-”
Suddenly, Hikaru is covering Fukka’s mouth with his hand as he stares at him wide-eyed and flushed.
“Tatsuya,” Hikaru says slowly, almost testing his name. “... Are you telling me that you were avoiding me because you realized you have a…” There’s a pause where Hikaru drags his tongue over his lips and Fukka can’t help but let his eyes drop down to the motion. That action is not lost on Hikaru, who mouths a ‘really?’ at him. “... crush on me?”
Fukka waits for Hikaru to remove his hand from his mouth to let him speak, but he doesn’t. It’s probably for the best as Fukka has literally rambled some things that should have probably stayed inside of his head and never spoken out loud. However, Hikaru’s still looking at him like he’s expecting an answer, so Fukka decides that he’s already dug his own grave, how much worse could it get? So, he nods weakly.
“... Did you consider that maybe I have feelings for you too?” Hikaru says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, and maybe to people with better self-esteem, it would be. But Fukka is certainly not one of those people. All he can really do is blink a few times before shaking his head at him.
“... This entire time I thought…” Hikaru steps back, running his hands into his hair, giving Fukka a onceover.
“... Wait… are you telling me…you’ve liked me this whole time?” Fukka manages to get out weakly, still not quite believing it. It doesn’t feel real. None of it seems real.
“... Tatsuya… I called you the sun to my moon. I talk constantly about how I wouldn’t be anywhere without you. We shared a bed in half of the hotels we’ve stayed in… I don’t think I could have hinted anymore than that…” He actually looks frustrated as he says that, but how is Fukka supposed to know? What’s genuine and what’s fan service? What’s almost real but exaggerated just a little bit?
“... Eh?! Hikaru!” Fukka whines at him. “How am I supposed to know? Isn’t that just fan service? I mean-” Fukka’s about to go on another rant but before he can Hikaru lunges, connecting their lips. There’s a moment where Hikaru realizes that maybe he should have asked first, the moment when Fukka stands still as a statue. However, Fukka wraps his arms around him and pulls him close, finally responding.
The kiss is heated and passionate, lips against lips first, parted with soft little sounds, and then it becomes teeth against teeth. One of Hikaru’s hands gets into Fukka’s hair and tugs enough for Fukka to part his lips with a soft needy sound that is swallowed by Hikaru, as he takes advantage to shove his tongue down his throat. Fukka can’t help but let his hands slip under Hikaru’s shirt, tracing fingertips against the muscles down his back.
When Hikaru finally pulls back, the two of them are panting, furiously. Hikaru buries his face into Fukka’s shoulder as Fukka tries to convince himself that this is real life and that he hasn’t hit his head or something. Just as he does, he’s come to realize two very real things: he’s so uncomfortably hard it’s insane and they are still in a very public place, even if the elevator has been stopped.
“Hikaru…” Fukka mumbles, resting his cheek against the top of his head. “... We should really stop here. Don’t wanna get in trouble… I mean… we could-”
Hikaru pulls away quickly and presses the button to let the elevator move again. He steps in line with Fukka, bumping his shoulder against him. “Follow me. I know a place… I learned it from Date-san.” Fukka blinks as Hikaru grabs his hand, even laces their fingers together, and yanks him forward. In fact, Fukka finds himself yanked into a dressing room and immediately pinned against the door.
“Tell me to stop and I will. Otherwise…” Hikaru leans in, pressing himself hard against him, his thigh in between Fukka’s. It’s got his head spinning, moving to cup the sides of Hikaru’s face and smash their mouths together.
Fukka is all words, wildly dumping every random thought and feeling into the void. Hikaru is actions. The second Fukka shows interest, Hikaru’s got one hand in his hair tugging and the other up his shirt, digging his nails into his hip. His mouth moves from his lips to the line of Fukka’s neck, mouth bites that aren’t ever quite teeth. They have to be careful, unfortunately.
“You’re so pretty… so perfect… Wanted to do this. …Wanted to have you…” Hikaru mumbles hotly against his skin, kissing up to behind his ear, sucking just enough to leave the slightest of marks in a place that no one would really see. Fukka would know though. He could press his thumb against the spot and know.
Fukka wants nothing more than to spend this time together. He wants to have Hikaru kiss, suck, bite and touch every single ounce of him, to be consumed by him. Honestly, Fukka wants to do the same. Taste every single inch of skin that Hikaru will give him.
However, they’re idols with busy schedules and while it is the end of the day, there are things not too distant in their futures. This isn’t the best timing. Still… there are things they could do.
“... Do you really think about me like that…? Because I think you’re the real hot one here. Like you were chiseled out of marble on top of… just… being one of the most hardworking and sweetest people I know…” Hikaru lets out a pleased sound, pressing harder into him. They’re both really worked up if the damp patch at the front of their pants is anything to go by. “Hey… I don’t have lube and I doubt you do… but I’ve got an idea if you’d let me?”
Hikaru pulls back to shoot him a questioning look. “Yeah? Take the lead, co-lead.” This earns him a laugh as Fukka moves his hands up to kiss him softly, before gesturing to give them the tiniest amount of space. The second he does, Fukka moves to yank Hikaru’s pants down, giving him an appreciative look before tugging his own. He scans the dressing room to see some random supplies lying around to make sure they can clean up and go home without anyone noticing anything too scandalous.
Slowly but surely, Fukka wraps his hands around both of them, experimentally stroking a few times. Hikaru curses, burying his face into Fukka’s shoulder, trapping Fukka’s hand between them. Both of his hands go straight to Fukka’s ass, digging his fingers into him, as he muffles a moan into his shoulder.
“You like that, yeah?” Fukka says a little breathless. “Have to… do this again… At your place or mine…” Tilting his head back and shutting his eyes, Fukka continues to ramble as he strokes the two of them together, using their combined precum as lube. “You sound so good… All those sounds… I want to hear more of them. You’re so good for me… so good to me.” There’s the L word just at the tip of his tongue, but Fukka’s already taken a thousand steps he wouldn’t have before. He doesn’t want to rush it. His strokes start to pick up speed, hard and rough and quick, moving down their entire lengths together.
“Fukka… fuck…” Hikaru whines into his shoulder, his whole body pressed against him, leaning on him for support. It’s nice… It’s nice to have this for a moment, to have Hikaru lean on him.
“Got you, Hikaru. Got you…” Fukka presses a few kisses to the top of his head, as his hand continues to work at the two of them. He’s close, really close, embarrassingly close. If Hikaru isn’t, this is going to be mortifying.
“Close. Close…” Hikaru tilts his head to the side to mumble against his neck.
“Yeah? Let go then… I’ve got you… got you…” Fukka uses all the strength and dexterity he has to push them over the edge. Hikaru comes first, splattering against his front, body shaking with overstimulation as Fukka tries to catch up with him. However, the loud moan of his name is enough to get him to follow suit, burying his face on top of Hikaru’s hair to muffle his cry.
“... Why did we wait so long to do that,” Hikaru mumbles as he presses a kiss against his neck. “... Could have been doing this for years. Literally years. I almost… asked you out… but then you asked that girl out and…” Fukka stares down at Hikaru with wide, disbelieving eyes. Since then? Hikaru has liked him that long? Since they were teenagers? For almost half their lives?
“... We’ll just have to make up for lost time… I mean… I think I’ve got some free time on your day off so…” Fukka laughs, cheeks heating up at the thought of more of this.
First… they were going to have to clean up from now though.
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Date: 2023-09-15 12:20 am (UTC)also, the difference between fukka and hikaru here is soooo neat and funny in their conversation, like fukka is struggling with the rated thoughts and trying not to show it while hikaru is making himself live in a mildly angsty drama with the misunderstandings 😠and i absolutely loved fukka's panicked, rushed, and sudden confession. it was very fitting i think! and it's always the "and did you never consider i also had feelings for you? *lists all the obvious things he did to show he's in love with fukka*" LIKE UGH, I LOVE STUFF LIKE THAT!!! and what a lovely open ending you left for this, like giving me JUST A TASTE of the spice. i've literally been thinking about this since i read it like.... hmmm yeah i hope they're sucking and fucking happily.... ANYWAY, thank you again, nitohkousuke. this was very very lovely!
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Date: 2024-09-08 02:52 pm (UTC)