A snowflake for greatesthits! (1/2)

[snowmods09]

Title: Love Crescendo
Pairings: Meguro Ren/Watanabe Shota, Iwamoto Hikaru/Fukazawa Tatsuya (side)
Genres: AU, romance, slight angst, slow burn, a bit of comedy here and there
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Ren is a single-minded kind of guy, leading a rather ordinary campus life. But one day when he offered to accompany his best friend Raul to Snow Man’s concert, the last one at the live house D.D. before their debut, something stirred up in him. His interest in the lead singer of the band started off as pure curiosity, yet grew into something more as he began to confront his own feelings. Well, as the people say, love is found in unexpected places.
Warnings: not really a warning, just a note: Snow Man are some years younger than their actual age, aside from Raul who is 19 as he is now. Also, a lot of Memenabe lore I suppose lmao.
Author’s notes: Hi greatesthits. When I read your sign-up I immediately decided to go with the famous/non-famous prompt paired up with the slow burn. I hope that I managed to develop it in the way you wanted; I tried to add as many likes you listed as I could also. And I also didn’t mean for it to become THIS long but here we are I guess lmao. Despite all the hardships, I had fun writing it and I hope you can enjoy it as well!!
Lastly, to my dear beta: thank you SO much for everything!! Suggestions, encouragement, ideas, and even the title and summary of this fic!!! Thanks a lot really :’))))) Wouldn’t have been possible without you <3

Ren was woken up by his phone’s incessant ringing. He was sure that he hadn’t set an alarm for that day, since his exam period had just finished the day before and he was eager to get his well-earned rest. The only possible reason for that ruckus was his best friend Raul.

The boy would usually send him texts in the morning, informing him on what he

was going to do that day, where he was headed, or even just to tell him about some freaky dream he had. Sometimes he would call him, but if Ren didn’t pick up then he would figure that he was still asleep.

For Raul to call him endlessly, something must have happened. And something way more important than usual, if not Raul would have given up at some point after two calls.

So, very reluctantly, Ren forced himself to open his eyes and reach for the phone on his night stand, just for his screen to show him a ‘missed call’ when he was about to answer. Squinting through his sleepy eyes, he managed to see that there were freaking 17 calls left from the younger, before his screen lit up again with a new call.

He groaned deeply, pumping himself for Raul’s squeaky voice that was about to burst into his ears. “Alright, let’s do this.”

As soon as Ren answered the call, a loud and excited cry came from the other end of the line.

“Meme! Finally! You know how many times I’ve tried to reach you?!”

“If we count this one as well, 18.”

“Can’t believe you’re so lazy.”

“I finished my exams yesterday, remember?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Raul dismissed him quickly, before starting to ramble about the great life-changing news he had just got. “Meme! Snow Man will have a CD debut! Snow Man, you remember them, right? The best group that has ever played at D.D.! My favorite group! The best guys I’ve ever met! They’ll debut in January! They announced it this morning on their social medias!”

“Alright, alright, slow down, Raul, slow down,” Ren told him, already feeling the earache coming.

Ren sat up on the bed, and tried to make something out of the many words Raul had let out in the last minute.

Snow Man. Alright, that Raul’s favorite group among the ones who used to play at the live houses around Tokyo. Raul had been working at D.D. for the past 5 years, and had had the opportunity to listen to them quite a lot of times. He had always shown huge support for the group. As for Ren, he hadn’t ever listened to their music nor met them, so he knew about them only through Raul’s stories.

Debut. Well, that happens when a group has their first CD sold in the music market? As much as Ren could grasp? So, it was something important, wasn’t it? It would justify Raul’s enthusiasm at least.

“Snow Man is going to have an official CD debut?” he asked to see if he had got it right.

“Yes! An agency finally got interested in their music and they have already signed a contract with them!”

“That’s great, pass on to them my congratulations.”

“You’re so cold,” the pout Raul was wearing was so clear that Ren could imagine it even only from his voice.

He didn’t want to sound that unimpressed; to tell the truth, he was actually very glad for them, since from what Raul told him, Snow Man had worked very hard to make their music known. He was also very happy for Raul, who surely hadn’t been able to stay still for even a second due to the adrenaline rush through his body.

However, no matter how moved he could be, he had just woken up some minutes ago, and he was so groggy that his mind was trying to close his eyes every time so that his body could go back to sleep. Hadn’t it been Raul, Ren wouldn’t even have replied to the phone after all.

“I’m not cold, I’m just sleepy. I’m really happy for them and for all the fans, really. Tell them that.”

“You could do that yourself actually,” Raul declared, “You know, they’re going to do a last live before their debut here at D.D. so you could come and meet them – and finally, if I can add. Since how long have I been trying to have you listen to them?”

“5 years, Raul, 5 long years.”

“And you didn’t come to D.D., not even once!” Raul complained.

Indeed, it could have been considered a supernatural occurrence that Ren, despite being Raul’s best friend for quite a long time by now, had never crossed paths with either Snow Man or D.D. in general. He liked music, but his free time was mostly spent playing soccer with his team or watching matches. And since he followed even overseas championships, due to time zones, the time left to drop by Raul’s workplace wasn’t much.

And when he started his last university year, that time really came close to none. He felt sorry for his friend, since Raul always managed to find time to come watch some of his soccer matches when he knew that Ren was in the starting lineup.

For this reason, Ren stood up from his bed to reach his desk, grabbing a pen and a post-it, “When’s the concert?”

“What?” Raul mumbled, surprised, “Wait, are you for real?”

“It’s an important event to you, right?”

“And you’ll ditch soccer for me?” Raul exclaimed, even more incredulous than before.

Ren chuckled at the boy’s squeaky and baffled reaction. “Well, in August, there aren’t many matches anyway. Both league ones and my team’s, so—”

“It’s on the 31st of August! I’ll get you a ticket. Just be sure to come here at 6 pm sharp!”

“Noted,” Ren moved the pen quickly as he kept up with all the info Raul was giving him. “Anything else?”

“Be sure to be excited about it. Ah! I should send you some of their songs so you’ll grow impatient to hear them live.”

“Send me everything you want, Raul, I’ll check them out.”

For some moments, the boy stayed silent, until he spoke again with a suspicious tone, “Who are you and what did you do to my friend?”

Ren laughed out loud, recognizing that indeed his behavior could come across as weird and sudden. So, he ended up explaining the true reason behind all of it, “You’re always so supportive of my passions, I think it’s just right that I do the same for you. If these Snow Man guys debuting is a big deal to you, then it is for me too.”

“Meme…”

He didn’t need to have the other in front of him to know that Raul must be blushing at that moment, shy as he was. He spoke only after several seconds, during which Ren could hear that the boy was getting on the bus probably to run his errands. “Thank you for having made me flustered in front of all the people at the bus stop.”

“In my defense, your face becomes red over the slightest thing. Remember when we went bowling with that friend of mine, Jesse? You literally dropped to the floor.”

“Listen!” Raul said, but then lowered his voice immediately, surely reminding himself that he was on the bus and that he couldn’t whine loudly as he used to do. So, he continued with a muffled voice, “That guy was touching me all over just to teach me how to throw a ball. I’m not used to that much skinship.”

“You hang all over me on a daily basis though,” Ren remarked, enjoying cornering his friend and having him struggle to come out of it.

“We’re getting nowhere with this,” Raul concluded, ending the conversation before Ren could go on and have some more fun messing with him, “Anyway, my mom sent me to buy some stuff for her, so I’ll talk to you in the afternoon. I’ll send you all the songs I have. Look forward to them!”

“Will do. See you later.”

As soon as they closed the call, Ren checked his phone and saw that he was still in time if he had wanted to sleep some more. However, now that he was up and running thanks to Raul’s call, he figured he could get some things done, since his afternoon had shaped up to be a Snow Man music fest of sorts, with Raul giving his own impressions and thoughts on every single song.

So, Ren let out a last motivating shout before taking his bath towel and exiting his room.

Even if earlier than he had wished to, his day had now officially begun.

— — — — — — — — —

Ren had just come back from his usual afternoon stroll when his phone started to buzz repeatedly. Checking it, he saw that Raul had just started his mission to make him a Snow Man fan. Their chat was filled with audio, every single track was followed by a brief explanation of the song and its meaning, plus its highlights.

What he liked about Raul was that, if he liked something, then he would do it at full force, he would give his all to that passion, and it showed right now.

Raul finished with his texts when Ren had settled on his couch with his headphones in his hands.

This is all for the Snow Man introductory course! I’ll wait for your impressions!

“Introductory course? Is he aiming to have me take a Snow Man PhD?” Ren joked to himself. Nevertheless, he still thanked his friend and assured him that he would write down his thoughts after listening to them.

And so, he began his journey into Snow Man’s music. Most of them were recordings from their lives, so Ren could feel the energy and passion that were overflowing from their playing; it was bound to make everyone excited in the venue, with a sense of euphoria enveloping the place.

After listening to some songs which could be easily called bangers, Ren was surprised to find that the next song was a ballad. He didn’t think that Snow Man could make such a song, however, he had to admit that they nailed even that.

What really impressed him, though, was the voice of the lead singer. No matter the song, no matter its complexity, this dude was slaying every single note and lyric, reaching whomever’s heart was hearing him. And Ren was no exception. The singer’s powerfulness left him speechless on the up-tempo songs, while it won him over during the slow ones, with his soft and warm sound.

Ren knew something was stirring up in him because he had never listened to music with such undivided attention. However, he didn’t know even if it had any meaning to this new sensation he was experiencing. There's one thing he knows for sure though: the voice captured his heart.

So, scrolling up to Raul’s first text of that afternoon, he read what the boy had written about their formation until he found what he was searching for.

“Lead singer, Watanabe Shota—Ah!” Ren felt the lightbulb in his mind light up. “Raul’s always talking about this Shoppi guy and how well they get along… Is that him?” he asked himself.

He tried to remember what Raul had told him about Shota, but other than ‘the prettiest man alive’ and ‘grumpy shortie’, nothing else came to his mind. Was it because those conversations had never piqued his interest? Or Raul didn’t reveal that much about Shota?

Well, Raul was one text away, so he could have asked him for more information about the singer. However, his fingers stopped as soon as he was going to type. If he threw Raul tons of questions all at once, then Raul would take that chance to drag Ren even more down his hell. There wasn’t anything wrong with it, of course, but he had just too many things going on to become a hardcore fan of someone.

Ren also didn’t need to have his world revolve around someone else that wasn’t himself, his family, close friends, and teammates. His world was full enough, he didn’t need to add any other person to that circle.

So, he held back his curiosity and limited himself to telling Raul that he enjoyed the songs a lot, and that he was excited to hear them live in some weeks.

Then, after hesitating for the longest minutes ever, Ren opened his Instagram and typed ‘Watanabe Shota’ in the search bar. Among his followers, of course Raul was one of them. As Ren opened Shota’s page, the statement which Raul made, ‘prettiest man alive’ instantly clicked with him.

Ren’s thumb brushed over Shota’s face on his phone’s screen, and as soon as he realized what he was doing, he closed the app and put his phone aside.

He needed a distraction so he went to his TV and opened Amazon Prime, hoping to have a movie occupy his mind completely. Too bad though that despite the action comedy movie he chose, Ren could still hear that resonant note from Shota’s singing and couldn’t shake off that egg-smooth face from his mind.

— — — — — — — — —

Ren had been staring at the bottle of cologne in his bathroom for more than 10 minutes now. The day of Snow Man’s last concert pre-debut had arrived and he would be lying if he had said that he wasn’t feeling the butterflies in his stomach.

The truth was that he was totally having a crush on Snow Man’s lead singer, Watanabe Shota. For the past month, Ren could do nothing but have on repeat the group’s songs and think about the guy who was singing those beautiful lyrics. Despite the last thing he wished was to become a fan, he had to face the harsh reality that he too had fallen for Shota. Not completely, but the way Ren would check the guy’s Instagram for new pictures and then proceeded to feel let down when he saw that there weren’t any, made him understand that he was almostthere.

Of course, though, he kept everything to himself, since Raul would surely play dirty and slip that information in front of Shota. That is, if they were going to meet them after the live, which was probably going to happen since Snow Man was apparently crazy over Raul.

And all this brought him to his dilemma: he was already dressed better than usual for a simple concert with his best friend, so putting on cologne would indeed seem too weird. However, Raul had mentioned once how Shota always made a point of using good perfume – magically, this kind of info had started to actually remain in his mind – so he thought it would be better to wear his cologne.

Was Ren trying to impress Shota? Oh, he refused to answer that question himself. It was definitely better to not go there.

He quickly checked his watch and saw that it was already half past 5 pm. Raul would surely go mad if he got to the venue late, since the boy had reminded him about being punctual something like 20 times.

Running short of time, Ren cursed under his breath, “Screw it.” He took the bottle of cologne and put some of it on, before he took his keys, wallet and cellphone and stormed out of his apartment.

Ren got to D.D. just 5 minutes before the show. He hurried to show his ticket to the personnel in charge of the entry and entered the place, walking toward the bar counter at once, where Raul was waiting for him.

The venue was swarmed with people. He had never been in such a situation that he had to keep on excusing himself to walk, since he ended up bumping into a lot of people on his way to his friend. Luckily, though, he was tall, and Raul even more, so it was never hard to spot each other among crowds. And indeed, as soon as he scanned the area, he saw Raul standing by the bar for his mocktail.

“Hey, I’m here,” Ren said as soon as he reached his friend.

Raul gave him only one glance, before taking some steps on his left to make room for Ren. Then, he showed his phone to him, where their chat was opened, a text ready to be sent.

“I was almost going to send you a threatening text.”

“What were you threatening me about?”

“That I would have ended our friendship if you showed up late.”

Ren rolled his eyes, leaning on the counter behind him with his elbow, ordering a soda in the process. “You’re so dramatic. And unreasonable. In fact, I showed up early.”

“How so?” Raul crossed his arms, a challenging grin on his face.

“You told me to be here at 6 pm sharp. Well,” Ren raised his arm and stopped it mid-air, showing his watch to Raul, “It’s 5:59 pm.”

Raul snorted at that, muttering, “Whatever,” just before taking his soft drink and devoting his attention to it. Meanwhile, Ren’s soda arrived but the one who brought it wasn’t a simple employee but D.D.’s owner himself, Miyadate Ryota. Ren had seen him once in a picture Raul posted on Instagram.

“Oh, there’s Miyadate-san,” Ren muttered to himself, surprised to see the guy in the flesh.

At the mention of that name, Raul turned around to greet his supervisor. “Date-san, nice to see you.”

“As expected, Raul-kun wouldn’t miss Snow Man’s last live here.”

“I could never,” Raul affirmed. Then, he leaned more on the counter, talking to Miyadate in a lower voice, “So? Have you spoken with them? How are they feeling?”

“They’re thrilled, but also nervous,” the man replied. Then, he copied Raul and whispered so that only the both of them could hear, “They’re going to give an important announcement tonight.”

Raul’s eyes widened, as he brought his hands to his mouth, hiding his shocked face from the people around them. Before he could ask any question about that announcement, though, Miyadate put his index finger on his lips, gesturing him to be quiet as that was a piece of secret information.

The boy nodded and composed himself again.

Upon seeing Raul trying to hold back his excitement, Ren let out a chuckle, “You sure you don’t want to go out to scream at least once?”

“I’ll be alright. I can hold myself back.”

Ren pointed to the other’s feet then, which were tapping on the ground frenetically. “Doesn’t seem so.”

“Leave me alone, would you?” Raul whined, then turning to Miyadate, “He’s more insufferable than Shoppi.”

“You say that when the one who teases others more is you? You like to get Shota mad.”

Raul hunched his shoulders, talking without making eye contact with either two, “He’s cute when he gets grumpy.”

“Well, he is, indeed.”

At the mention of Shota, also known as his secret crush, Ren joined their conversation promptly. “Is he?”

Raul’s head snapped in his direction, “Wait, you’re telling me that you listened to their songs but didn’t even bother to look them up online?”

“W-Well…” Ren trailed off, sipping his soda to swallow his lies.

Not making Raul aware of his crush meant that his friend knew nothing about his frequent visits to Shota’s Instagram. Ren didn’t even follow him or Snow Man’s account on purpose so as to not get found out. He had literally put himself undercover, so now he had to play it out.

“Wait, are you perhaps Meguro Ren? The friend Raul-kun always talks about?” Miyadate then asked.

“It’s me,” he nodded, “Nice to meet you, Miyadate-san.”

“You should know that Raul-kun never shuts up about two things: Snow Man and you.”

He couldn’t help but laugh flustered, “I’m honored.”

Raul was going to reply but at that moment the venue darkened, the stage lights were turned on, and everyone around them began chanting Snow Man’s name.

“It’s time!” Raul said excitedly. He put down both his and Ren’s drink and turned toward the other end of the room. Then, he started to nudge Ren repeatedly, “Come on, Meme, at least face the stage properly!”

Ren did as told and directed his gaze to the stage, watching it closely. At that moment, somehow, his legs began to mimic exactly what Raul’s ones were doing just some moments ago. Ren’s feet were tapping the ground restlessly, and suddenly Ren felt the butterflies he managed to forget back again in his stomach.

Get a grip, Ren. He’s just a dude. A random dude.

However, when Snow Man got up on stage to their respective positions accompanied by the fans’ screams, Ren understood he was to be done for.

The person who positioned himself in front of the microphone, taking the center front stage, while waving his tiny hand to the crowd was really ‘the prettiest man alive.’ Shota’s skin was literally glowing under the lights, and even if Ren was at the back of the room, the guy’s bright smile was clear even at such a distance. Watanabe Shota was… ethereal.

“Hello!” the guy at the drums said. Ren remembered that the drummer was Iwamoto Hikaru, who also was their leader.

After his cue, the other members joined altogether, “It’s Snow Man!”

“Hey, everyone! Are you hyped?” the guy he recognized as Mukai Koji spoke. “I’ve missed you a lot. Everyone’s faces are so pretty today, I’m going to remember them forever. To you all…” Koji brought his fingers to his sideburn, and then moved his hands towards the audience, “A momiage shuriken!”

Everyone raised their arms up for Koji, and when they put them down, the one he recognized as Sakuma Daisuke addressed his band member.

“What about the ‘better than the multi-purpose seasoning shio-koji is Mukai Koji’ bit?” the guy asked.

Koji lowered his gaze, embarrassed, and the audience laughed.

“Could it be that Koji is nervous?” the one next to Koji asked. That should have been Abe Ryohei since the two guitarists of Snow Man played side by side.

“If I have to be honest,” Koji started, raising his face right after, “I’m freaking nervous!”

“We’ve had lives before though?” Abe continued.

“Y’all don’t get it, do you? This is our last show here at D.D. aka the place that raised us. It’s like a graduation. So—”

“Koji, Koji, just say it clearly,” Hikaru said. “You forgot the songs’ chords. It’s alright, you can go backstage and bring the sheet.”

“I didn’t forget them!” Koji hurried to deny, “Teru-nii, for you to betray me of all people!”

Having only listened to their songs, he didn’t expect Snow Man to be this playful. They sure knew how to entertain the audience, and all the smiles on everyone’s faces were the proof.

“Guys, guys, if we start this way then we’ll end up being pressed for time like always. For once, let’s not have Date-sama yell at us.”

The other four members looked at Sakuma with a frown on their faces. The one to talk first was Koji. “You’re one to talk.”

“Also, Date-sama never yelled at us,” Abe remarked.

“Wait, I got yelled at though?”

“Because you deserved it, Sakuma!” Miyadate shouted from behind the counter. Since the venue wasn’t that large, the owner’s voice arrived all the way up to the stage, where Sakuma proceeded to put on an incredulous expression while the others laughed.

“Thank you for the info, Date-sama,” Koji said, bowing gracefully to the guy.

Miyadate waved at Snow Man, and they waved back. The members were looking at him, but Ren was dead sure that, even just for some seconds, Shota’s gaze had fallen over him. He saw how the singer looked at Miyadate, then at Raul, before sparing some milliseconds for him. It was an instant. It lasted not even more than a drop of rain falling to the ground. Yet, Ren’s heart skipped an incredible amount of beats.

“Anyway! After this silly skit, let’s get real, we really want to play as many songs as we can today. We prepared a packed setlist, so be prepared to lose your voices tonight! This is Sakuma on the bass!”

“If you know the lyrics of the songs, feel free to sing them with us. Enjoy yourself to the fullest but still keep safety first, alright? This is Abe Ryohei on the guitar, and I’ll do my best to deliver an exciting performance to you all!”

“Prepare to have the best night of your life, let us hear your voices, and let’s create memories we’ll remember forever! This is Iwamoto Hikaru on the drums!”

The last one who spoke was Shota. Ren’s throat oddly went dry, so he reached behind himself for his soda.

“This is Watanabe Shota. I’m the lead singer, as you all know. Thank you for being here.” Contrary to the others, Shota seemed to be on a lower level of excitement. However, after several seconds which he spent staring at everyone in the venue, as if plastering their faces and expressions in his mind, he let out in a loud voice, “Let’s all have a great time! The first song is Make it Hot so let’s all get fired up!”

Snow Man started playing as the audience burst into a roaring cheering. Raul was already tugging at him, too excited to stay still. Looking at him made Ren feel hyped too, and the uptempo and powerful song just sped up the process. In less than some minutes, Ren was dragged into Snow Man’s passionate performance, and he forgot everything else. Only one thing was clear in his mind – the man on the stage singing his lungs out for them to hear.

The concert was coming to an end as the band played the final chorus of their last song. Snow Man thanked everyone for their support before the last song, and everyone took turns to give a moving, heartfelt speech. Many people had been on the verge of tears since that, and one of them was Raul, who was now gripping Ren’s shoulder tightly, as he let his tears flow down his cheeks.

This kind of time called for a ballad, that’s why Ren was expecting Snow Man’s last song to be Owaranai Memories, but instead, they chose Lock on! somehow. However, when Ren looked around, he understood it immediately. Almost surely, Snow Man didn’t want to leave fans with sad faces, they wanted them to smile, so they chose a cheerful song.

“Those guys are really nice.”

“I know, right?!” Raul said next to him, his voice half-broken.

The song ended and everyone applauded. At that point, the audience began waving their hands to Snow Man who, instead of walking off stage, got together at the front. There, Iwamoto Hikaru took his microphone in hand and started speaking.

“Actually, we have an important announcement to make today. Well, more like a surprise I suppose.”

“Here we are,” Raul whispered under his breath.

Ren turned and saw Miyadate patting Raul’s shoulders, as if prepping him for the news he already knew. When the man noticed Ren’s gaze on him, he smiled and signaled him to look at the stage, so he did.

“The truth is that there is one reason behind our debut, or rather, one person. When we couldn’t manage to have any agency pick us up, a guy came to our rescue. Without us knowing, he sent a demo to an agency he had worked with previously, and we scored an audition. We can stand tall here, right now, thanks to that person.”

Raul’s hand moved to Ren’s bicep, and the boy’s grip definitely increased in strength. He stared at him worried, “Are you alright?”

“Meme… He’s coming back.”

“Who?”

“Him.”

Ren didn’t have time to ask Raul to clarify, since Hikaru continued with his speech.

“He’s a person who has always been the backbone of Snow Man, even when he was out. But from today, he is officially back in again. Everyone…” Hikaru held his breath for a while, the venue went dead silent since all of them didn’t want to miss a word he was saying. Then, he extended his arm in the direction of the backstage, and as Shota moved aside to create another standing position next to him, Snow Man’s leader exclaimed, “Fukazawa Tatsuya is back!”

Screams as loud as ever erupted from the fans, especially from the guy next to him, who began jumping and shaking Ren back and forth as he couldn’t contain his excitement.

“I told you, I told you! I got it immediately! It could have only been Fukka-san!” Raul was chanting, hugging Ren in the process.

A very handsome guy walked on stage, visibly moved at the sight of so many people welcoming him back. The other Snow Man’s members seemed very happy as well with the audience’s response. As for Ren, he was completely lost. Out of all the pictures he had seen, he didn’t remember that man’s face. Maybe he hadn’t searched early enough? After all, if this man was once in Snow Man, it meant that it could have passed even some years since he last played with them.

“Everyone, thank you so much for your warm welcome. You don’t understand how important this is for me. After all, I left Snow Man 5 years ago. I bet some of you don’t even remember me or know me in the first place.” Fukazawa took a pause for a moment, holding everyone’s gaze, “That’s why it was very difficult to accept to return here when the guys asked me. I helped them because I’m the first one who wants them to succeed. I wasn’t expecting anything in return at all. But once again, Snow Man showed how kind they are, so… I accepted their offer and I’m now back as their manager. In the end, they managed to drag me back here.”

“You belong to Snow Man, Fukka, never forget that.” Shota was the one to speak those words, to which all the members nodded in agreement, while the audience clapped to show their support. At that point, Fukazawa bowed gratefully, and as soon as he was back up, Koji and Sakuma pulled them all in for a group hug.

Ren had to admit that, even an ‘outsider’ like him was moved at that sight. The deep bond between them was very clear, and the fact that they were about to realize their dreams made everything even more touching. That’s why Ren found himself clapping along with the audience, as a single tear left his eye and ran on his face.

— — — — — — — — —

Ren was in the process of calming down an over-excited Raul, who had become an uncontrollable mess after the concert ended. He kept on stating how glad he was that Snow Man was debuting, how incredible was that Fukazawa had returned, and how amazing this last show was.

He stopped only when Miyadate returned to the counter, going right towards them.

“Raul-kun, I’m about to go to Snow Man’s dressing room. Want to join?”

Raul’s eyes sparkled at once, “And you’re even asking me?”

Miyadate laughed as he signaled Raul to come to his side of the counter.

“Meme, come along—” before he could finish his sentence, Raul accidentally knocked down Ren’s soda with his arm, which spilled on his shirt and part of his pants. “Oh, no! I’m so sorry!”

His friend frantically grabbed the first tissues he could find in order to help Ren clean up the mess.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine, I’ll go to the washroom and do it myself,” Ren told him. “Go meet Snow Man.”

“You sure?”

Ren looked at Raul’s puppy eyes, guilty about having got his clothes dirty, but also relieved that he could go see his favorite band.

“I’m sure.”

“Thanks a lot!” Raul swiftly took Ren’s hands and squeezed them tight, before following Miyadate and disappearing backstage.

Ren moved to the washroom instead, safely reaching it after swimming among the crowd. While the ladies’ restroom seemed packed, the men’s one was rather empty, so he got in without needing to get in line.

When he opened the door, though, he realized he had just hit someone who was going out. The person stumbled backward as they brought a hand on their forehead, and cursed under his breath – but not low enough for Ren not to hear.

“The hell you’re doing?!” the person grumbled.

“I’m very sorry, I didn’t pay attention when I was opening the door. It’s my fault.”

“Of course it is.”

The stranger turned around to look at his own face in the mirror and that was when Ren’s mind finally focused and realized who was in front of him at that very moment.

“W-Watanabe Shota…” he couldn’t help but stutter.

The ethereal, prettiest man alive was right there before his eyes, and Ren suddenly lost any faculty of breathing.

Shota was only wearing a plain white T-shirt, a pair of jeans, and some simple white sneakers. Yet in Ren’s eyes, he was still stunning. He tried to peek at the other’s face reflected in the mirror, and nearly bit down his lips as he witnessed that flawless skin and those gleaming eyes and those soft-looking lips and…

“I’m absolutely going to get a bump,” Shota mumbled, watching his forehead, “As if today I hadn’t had enough already.”

“Should I bring you some ice?”

“You’ve done enough.”

Shota turned to leave but Ren stopped him by his arm, “Wait. Let me help you.”

“No.”

“I can—”

Shota’s hands shoved Ren away, while he glared at him. “Leave me alone, prick.”

Ren was left there dumbfounded, watching the singer leaving the washroom without saying anything else. He stood still for some time, before getting a hold of himself at the sink and processing what had just happened.

“That was just… plain rude?” he asked himself, rhetorically.

He was of course at fault, since he swung open the door without checking if someone was exiting first. But Shota’s reaction had definitely been over the top. No matter how bad of a day someone could have, there wasn’t any reason to let it out on others, let alone a stranger.

What happened to the angelic voice he had heard before? What happened to that bright smile? The person he had just met didn’t even seem like Watanabe Shota, or at least not what he had imagined him to be. Ren was completely disappointed and all the emotions that the man made him feel up until now disappeared and turned into dust.

— — — — — — — — —

Ren yawned as he turned a corner, still feeling worn out by his recent restless nights. It wasn’t like he wanted to feel as if he were a teenager and his crush’s charm had just dissolved right before his very eyes, but he couldn’t help it.

For the past week, he had been replaying that first – and probably last — encounter in his mind like a broken record. It seemed like his brain was trying to analyze every single detail of that moment in search of any reason to find Shota not guilty of being an asshole. Although the defense was doing a good job, listing all the possible reasons why the man might have reacted that way, the jury’s vote was still unanimous.

Watanabe Shota was a jerk.

The most surprising side of that discovery to him was how Raul could still be friends with that kind of person. Sure, the boy used to say that Shota was grumpy, but Ren had experienced something definitely on another level than just ‘grumpiness.’ And why even? Yes, he bumped into him but he apologized and even offered his help.

“Leave me alone, prick.”

Ren clicked his tongue remembering those words. He couldn’t believe that he had had a crush on such a person. Luckily, though, it lasted only a moment, so he could clear his mind of all the Watanabe Shota’s information he had crammed in his mind.

“I’ll forget him in no time,” he told himself.

The ugly truth was that there was no way to forget a person who was currently ascending to stardom since his face would be plastered everywhere.

Stopping at a traffic light and fixing his shoelace, his ears caught a familiar melody. Looking up, he saw that the giant screen of a building was showing Snow Man’s introduction video that had been going around for a while by now. There were first some scenes of the band playing, then quick solo cuts of its members and names.

He wished for his eyes to not linger more than necessary on Shota’s figure, but alas, the wound was still open apparently, since not only did he stare for Shota’s whole cut, but Ren also found himself turning that night over in his mind once again.

“I really need to let it go.”

The traffic light turned green, and Ren finally took his gaze off the screen to cross the intersection. He held on to his shoulder strap and fixed his eyes on the street in front of him, when the phone in his pocket buzzed for an incoming call.

“Hey, Raul, what’s up?” he greeted his friend.

“Good morning! I’ve just got out. How about you?” The boy’s voice was already cheerful even if it was not even 8 am yet.

“Almost arrived at the campus.”

“Already? Did you wake up earlier than usual?”

“Something of the sort,” he ended up saying, not disclosing anything of his current train of thoughts.

It was very difficult for Raul to make friends, just like him, so for him to have found in Snow Man and especially in Shota someone he could trust, it meant that they really clicked. The last thing Ren wanted was to ruin a friendship, something which Raul took ages to build. He didn’t want to push his opinion over Raul, since the one who knew Shota best was still his friend.

Therefore, Ren had decided to stay quiet about the incident and not tell Raul anything. However, the boy was clever, so he would always immediately pick up Ren’s weird behavior, and his next words were evidence to that.

“Are you sure about it? You seem strange as of late,” Raul affirmed. “Since that night at D.D.”

He played the fool. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Raul. Nothing happened at D.D.”

“When I came to fetch you so I could introduce you to Snow Man, you had disappeared. Then I called you and you told me that you had to go away for some kind of reason you didn’t elaborate on.”

“So?” he insisted.

Raul sighed heavily, “So I know that something’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Meme.”

It was Ren’s time to sigh tiredly, “Don’t worry, alright? Everything’s fine. Trust me.”

“Can I, though?”

Raul had this habit of worrying too much over him. The affection he felt towards Ren would bring him to this extent many times, and if it made him happy to have someone who cared so much about him, on the other hand, it could be troublesome when Ren had effectively a problem which he preferred to keep to himself.

Since at that moment he had arrived at his destination, Ren used that excuse to close the call, hoping that Raul would either just drop the topic for the moment or give up entirely. “Look, I’ve arrived. I have to go now.”

Even through the phone Ren could feel Raul rolling his eyes at his attempt to break the call off. He was ready to hear his complaints, but instead, his friend accepted and let him off. “Alright. I’ll find out what you’re hiding Meguro Ren, just wait. Have a good day.”

Ren laughed at Raul’s threat, before ending the call. “You too. Bye.”

If before he had to be careful of hiding his crush, now Ren mustn’t slip anything out since Raul was going to be on a constant alert.

— — — — — — — — —

“See you tomorrow, Meme!”

“See ya, Hara!”

Ren waved at his friend while they exited the soccer field and went to their respective cars. After practice, the only thing Ren wanted to do was to go home and lay down. Their next game was against a famed university soccer team, so their training had been rather intense recently, without counting the nervousness of facing such a strong team.

So, no one could have blamed Ren if he let out a groan as soon as he saw his best friend standing by his car. He looked at Raul puzzled, while the other beamed when he noticed that he was coming towards him.

“Meme! Good job today!”

“What are you doing here?”

“I was passing by and thought that today you had practice, so I came by to show my face.”

Ren studied the other’s face, which had that usual innocent expression Raul put on whenever he was up to something. And those puppy eyes he flashed him just proved him right.

He opened his car and put it inside his bag before addressing his friend, “Is this still about that night?”

Raul tilted his head to the side, “What night? Could you be more specific?”

He narrowed his eyes at him, “Raul, either you admit it or I’m not giving you the lift which you surely are going to ask.”

Being in a tight spot, Raul ended up showing a wide smile to Ren, wordlessly saying that his hunch was correct.

“Why are you so pressed about it?”

“Didn’t I tell you? That I was going to find out what happened.”

Ren went to the driver’s seat, looked at his friend and eventually decided to shut him up with a brief and vague explanation. “Alright, something happened but nothing you should worry about. Everything’s settled already.” He lied, hoping this could satisfy the other’s curiosity.

He watched as Raul stared at him intensely as if wanting to read his mind and soul. After a full minute, the boy nodded and got in his car. “I believe you.”

“Great.” Ren let out a victory groan, relieved that his plan had worked.

He joined the other in the car, started the engine, and set off.

For a while, silence filled the space between them. Since Ren was focused on driving he couldn’t talk, so he would always wait for Raul to start a conversation eventually. But since the other liked to stare out of the window and get lost in his own thoughts, usually not much talking happens when they are inside Ren’s car.

However, when Raul received a text and let out a cheerful, ‘Ah! It’s Shoppi!’ out of the blue, Ren felt for the first time that he could multitask.

“Watanabe-kun? Shouldn’t he be busy with their debut?” he asked, faking a nonchalant tone.

“We don’t text every day, but we don’t stay that long not hearing from one another.”

“So, you talk often.”

Raul stayed silent for a bit before replying, “We do.”

“I see.”

Ren stopped at a traffic light and at that moment he felt Raul’s gaze on him. Turning to his left, he saw the younger looking at him with a frown on his face, so he raised his eyebrow to silently ask him what was the matter.

“Weird for you to talk so much while driving. Also, weird for you to show so much interest in someone.”

He put on an unfazed face, even if he had to bite his own tongue, mentally cursing himself for having shown too much interest.

“I was just curious.”

Raul narrowed his eyes, “Curious? About Shoppi and my chat’s chronology?”

Ren found himself holding the other’s gaze, to show him that he wasn’t definitely struggling with that burning question.

Although he wanted to give a normal explanation for his behavior, he couldn’t think of anything and ended up setting off again, completely ignoring Raul’s fixed and anticipating stare on him.

That… was surely Raul’s point. He had scored a goal, and Ren felt fairly frustrated with himself. He didn’t let that bother him though and acted as usual for the rest of the trip until Raul’s house.

“Thanks,” Raul said, undoing his seatbelt. “Do you want to come in? I’m sure my mother would be happy to see you.”

“Sorry, I have to skip this time. I’m too tired.”

“Alright.”

Raul had just put his hand on the door’s handle, when he stopped himself and turned around to face Ren once again. A pensive veil spread over his eyes and Ren felt as if his soul was currently being pierced.

“What?”

“Date-san and I are throwing a party at D.D. for Snow Man this Saturday. Do you want to come?”

“M-Me? Why?”

“Just to hang out and have fun with us, or do you have other plans already?”

“I don’t…”

Raul was clearly watching Ren’s every move and never in his life had he been that close to just kicking his friend out of his car and running away.

Going to D.D. for a party with Snow Man? The idea was tempting and had it been a week ago he would have accepted on the spot. However, after the unfortunate encounter he had with Shota, he wasn’t very sure if he’d like to join. After all, wouldn’t it be extremely awkward for them to meet?

Ren would have to see someone who treated him poorly, while Shota would have to see someone who had irritated him to a great extent. Both of them would be uncomfortable. Moreover, if Ren went to find out for himself Shota’s true colors and it did result in the confirmation of the ‘Watanabe Shota was a jerk’ verdict, then…

Then… What?

Shota wasn’t his friend, neither someone he used to hang out with, and his friendship with Raul had nothing to do with him. So, why did Ren seem so reluctant at the idea of a possible scenario like the previous one? Could it be that he was still hanging on a tiny, vain hope that everything had been a misunderstanding?

At that moment, the thing Ren wanted to do the most was to shout in frustration. Of all people, why did he have to fall for Watanabe Shota? He could have literally chosen anyone else on this planet, but nope, his heart decided that it was that grumpy shortie.

“So? Are you coming?” Raul rushed him for an answer.

“I don’t know…” he trailed off, searching for an excuse to buy some time, “We’ve never met. I would be out of place.”

“I’m sure everyone would love to meet you,” Raul said with an assuring smile.

Everyone… He repeated in his mind.

Raul took Ren’s hands and began squeezing them, “Come on, come on, join us! Pretty please?”

In the end, he surrendered to his friend and gave him a nod, which caused a loud reaction from Raul.

“Yay! You're surely going to have a good time.”

“Yeah…”

Finally, after exchanging goodbyes, the boy got out of the car and went home. Ren waited until Raul was inside before driving away.

So, he was going to meet Shota once again. A real meeting this time and not just a-few-seconds interaction where he was yelled at. How should he even introduce himself? ‘Hello, I’m the washroom prick’?! Of course there was a high chance that Shota could have forgotten about him completely with that intense night they must have had. Still, Shota seemed like the type to remember whoever drove him nuts.

Maybe he should just turn things around. Transforming this into an opportunity. The chance to let go of this unreasonable crush and move on, leaving behind this Snow Man phase he had and never think about Watanabe Shota again.

— — — — — — — — —

Fashionably dressed and with his cologne on, Ren reached D.D. and entered from the back door, as Raul told him to do. Since it was closed for regular business, the front door was locked and a big ‘CLOSED’ sign was attached to it, so that no one could have tried to come in and they could have enjoyed their party without any worry.

Walking through the hallways, Ren slowly found his way out of the backstage area, following the voices he could hear from afar, which became closer and closer as he walked. He finally reached the door that led to the main area and upon opening it, Ren found eight pairs of eyes looking at him.

He froze, feeling as if he had walked into a place he shouldn’t, and was very close to just back away and disappear, but Raul’s voice kept him from doing so.

“Meme! You’re finally here!” the boy exclaimed loudly. He skipped his way towards him and slipped an arm under his, dragging him to the others.

While Miyadate was behind the counter preparing drinks and food, Snow Man was sitting around three tables joined together.

“Everyone, this is Meme!” Raul declared when they were standing in front of the group.

“We finally meet you! Raul always talks about you but didn’t even show us a picture,” Sakuma said, getting up from his seat and giving Ren a peace sign with his right hand. “I’m Sakuma Daisuke, if you want any anime or manga recommendations, come to me, I’m your man.”

“Don’t you see that he’s dressed properly and not with random anime goods like you?” the one sitting next to Sakuma pointed out. Then, the man stood up as well and put on what should have been a cool expression, “I’m Mukai Koji. As you can see, I’m passionate about fashion just like you, so if you want to share some outfit ideas, I’m your man.”

At that point, Raul looked at the two men and said, “Meme will probably stay away from the both of you because of these introductions.”

The others laughed while Sakuma and Koji complained, and Ren felt incredibly at ease as soon as he had realized that the Snow Man on stage were not any different from their real selves. And just like during a concert, it would be Hikaru the one trying to sort out the mess, to keep everyone on the main topic – which was Ren at the moment.

So, all the others took turns in introducing themselves, until it was the turn of the person sitting on the corner of the tables, the one who was most distant from Ren. Sitting almost sprawled on his chair and the empty one next to him, with what looked like the same clothes from the concert’s night, a cup wore back to front on his head, Watanabe Shota met Ren’s eyes and he felt the blood in his veins becoming cold at once.

He remembers, Ren noted in his head when he noticed how Shota’s lips twitched imperceptibly when he saw him.

“I’m Watanabe Shota. Nice to meet you,” the man nodded, not adding any other information unlike his bandmates.

Ren returned the nod and didn’t dare to ask him anything else. Luckily, there was Raul who took control over the conversation – despite being a shy boy, if he found himself around people close to him then he would become the most open person ever.

“Now that everyone is here, we can finally start the party!”

“If that’s the case, Raul-kun, come take these and bring them to the tables,” Miyadate said from the counter, pointing at the plates filled with food.

When Raul went to help the owner, Ren found himself losing the only anchor he had that night. Not being the extremely friendly and outgoing kind of person like some members of Snow Man seemed, he really didn’t know what to do. He reasoned on whether to take a seat or not, but since there weren’t two empty chairs next to each other – he had expected Raul to put Ren beside himself – he just stood there visibly embarrassed.

There, to the rescue, came Hikaru. “I guess you should sit next to Raul, so take that chair and go over there. Raul is next to Shota.”

“A-Alright,” he couldn’t help but stutter when the man mentioned Shota.

Ren picked up the chair Hikaru pointed at and brought it next to Raul’s. In the meanwhile, Shota had composed himself and shifted more to the side, so they could move Raul’s chair between them.

He sat down and even though there was some distance thanks to the gap of Raul’s seat, Ren felt heating up in no time. His hands grabbed his pants’ fabric as he tried to be impassive, casually listening to the others’ chatting.

“How should we call you?” Sakuma suddenly asked him.

Ren was too focused on ignoring Watanabe Shota’s presence – so close to him moreover – that he had almost missed Sakuma’s question.

“Anything you want. Even though my name is Meguro Ren, my friends tend to call me just ‘Meme’ so you choose.”

“Eh~ Then I’m going with Meme, it’s cute,” the man smiled widely, “You can call me Sakkun.”

There, feeling like he had to break out of his shell a bit to blend in with the group, Ren attempted to tease Sakuma just like the others had been doing. “I’ll stick with Sakuma-san, thank you very much.”

At that, everyone laughed, and Hikaru even gave Ren a thumbs up. Maybe he could really become friends with them just like Raul had wished for.

“What—What’s this sense of distance?” Sakuma exclaimed, acting dramatically. “Why has such a thing happened?”

“You’re noisy, that’s it,” Shota commented then. “Isn’t he?”

It took Ren some instants to realize that Shota was actually addressing him and no one else in that room. When he turned, he saw the other looking at him waiting for an answer.

“He is, indeed.”

“You can ignore him if you want, just talk with us.”

“Will do so,” Ren went along, while Sakuma’s loud protests echoed in the background.

When Shota’s lips curved up just a little bit to define that as a smile, Ren could feel himself loosening up a bit, and a large part of the nervousness he previously had was nowhere to be seen.

Shota could have ignored him completely and instead he himself reached out to him, so, the chances that what happened before was just the result of stress were now high, and he took a sigh of relief. He even found himself passing Shota one of the drinks Raul brought since the man claimed it as his.

And when all the food and drinks were on the table, Miyadate and Raul joined them, and everyone started to have a fun time altogether, Ren finally set his mind at rest. He let his worries leave his brain so that he could enjoy the night completely.

Though his heart had to deal with a lot of skipped beats since he caught Shota stealing glances at him more than once. Also, not just a few times did their fingers brush when they were picking up some french fries from the bowl which was intended for them and Raul.

“Right! Meme!” Sakuma called him suddenly.

“Huh? What?” he asked, focusing on the man.

“Did you enjoy the live show last time? Raul told us it was your first time watching us.”

“I had a lot of fun!”

Abe clapped his hands excitedly, “Really? Ah~ That makes us happy.”

“Which was the most thrilling moment for you?” Koji asked.

Sakuma threw him a surprised glance, “Are you from a magazine or something?”

Koji pretended to fish out a notepad from his jeans, “So, Meguro-san, what was the live show’s highlight in your opinion?”

Ren couldn’t help but laugh at Koji’s antics, but still went along with the skit, propping an elbow on the table and resting his chin on his hand. “Wasn’t it Cry out?”

“So it wasn’t my surprise appearance, I see,” Fukazawa jumped in.

For one moment, Ren felt a little bad that it had saddened Fukazawa. But when he noticed how the rest teased Fukazawa, he understood it was just meant to be a joke.

“Ah! But indeed, Meme doesn’t really know about you,” Raul informed the other. Then, he turned towards Ren, “Do you?”

“I don’t. When he came on stage, I was completely lost.”

“Raul, you said to have taught Meguro-kun well, but you actually didn’t, right?” Hikaru pointed a finger at him.

“I did! I just…” Raul’s voice lowered at once, “I just didn’t think to talk to him about that.”

“What did you tell him then—Rather, Raul, how much do you actually know about us?” Sakuma said.

There, Abe began tapping his hands on the table before extending his right arm in the air and exclaiming, “Alright, quiz!”

At that moment, Ren remembered that Raul had told him that Abe was quite hooked on quizzes. He was so much into them to even start them suddenly when Snow Man was together.

“When was Snow Man established, Raul?”

“During high school,” Raul replied. He crossed his arms and pouted, “I know everything about you guys, there’s no need for this quiz.”

“Then, second question,” Abe insisted. “How was the group created and by whom?”

“Fukka-san and Sakuma-kun were classmates and joined the school’s music club. Then Abe-kun and Hikaru-kun joined as well. You became close and then started the band.”

“Exactly!” Fukazawa was the one to speak at that point, rising from his seat, “I was one of the founding members, and yet you didn’t tell him about me?”

“I told you, I forgot,” Raul justified himself. “Moreover, I didn’t hear many stories about you. At some point, I believed that you were a taboo topic.”

The room suddenly became quiet, as the older men all stared at Raul before setting their eyes on anything else but Fukazawa. Even Ren noticed the weird tension that fell over them, and he didn’t know what to do, or even if he had to do something.

He didn’t know much about Snow Man, but it did seem like Fukazawa’s departure from the group was a sore point no one wished to talk about. If they were avoiding the topic even with Raul, then it would really mean to strike a chord.

Raul broke the silence. “Why did you leave?”

Fukazawa seemed to be caught off guard by that question, apparently not expecting the younger to actually ask that.

“You left Snow Man just some months after I started working at D.D. so I still didn’t know you guys well at the time. One night Snow Man showed up and announced that you had left for ‘personal reasons’. That’s what they said.”

“Didn’t you just reply to your own question?”

Even though he had been silent up until now, Shota came forward and spoke up when one seemed to have any intention of doing that.

“What do you mean?” Raul asked.

“We told everyone that those were personal reasons, isn’t that a good answer for you?”

Shota’s tone was stern and so cold that he was sure that every drop of blood inside Raul’s body had turned to ice. And by checking on his friend’s face, Ren clearly saw that it was indeed the case.

“Is it something you can’t tell me?”

“Listen—”

“It’s okay, Nabe,” Fukazawa said finally. Calm and relaxed, he gave Raul a smile, “I’m sorry, but it’s something quite private that I prefer to keep for myself. I informed the guys because they deserved to know the reason why I was quitting, but no one else does.”

Raul’s expression went from curious to worried, “It’s something serious?”

“No, don’t worry, I’m totally fine,” Fukazawa reassured him.

The boy nodded and looked satisfied with the explanation he got. Still, the awkward atmosphere didn’t seem to dissipate, so Ren took it upon himself to cheer up the mood.

“So, Watanabe-kun and Mukai-kun joined after?” he asked, hoping that shifting the attention to someone else would have been better.

“We did,” it was Koji who replied, while Shota was still looking at the table and eating in silence. “Shoppi was asked to join when they were still in high school, while I was scouted by Teru-nii, you see.”

“I didn’t really scout you,” Hikaru cared to correct him.

Koji pointed at Hikaru at that point, “You asked me to play with you once to see if I could be the new guitarist. You asked me to audition for you. If that isn’t scouting then what is?”

“You were my neighbor, it’s not like I searched for you to the ends of the earth. You were just a door away.”

“But you chose me, Teru-nii,” Koji declared. “When I moved to Tokyo from Nara, I was in search of a dream and you came to give me one. ‘Snow Man’ is the dream. Wasn’t it fate?”

Out of the blue, Ren felt something poking at his arm. Turning, he saw Shota calling for his attention before pointing at Koji.

“He’s noisy as well so you can ignore him too.”

“Shoppi!” Koji whined.

Luckily, the tension that was hovering over the group vanished at that point, and the nine of them finally dug in the food that Miyadate had prepared while returning to having casual chit-chats.

Despite the merry atmosphere, Ren couldn’t get his mind off what happened earlier. He wondered what Snow Man was hiding. What reason could be so personal that no one outside the group knew? And also, why were Hikaru and Shota exchanging looks when they were on that topic?

The night was slowly coming to an end, the only one who still looked like he could go on for another 10 hours was Sakuma, who was right now attempting to successfully throw a peanut in his mouth but kept on failing miserably, resulting in lots of peanuts scattered all over the table.

They were all looking at him with amused expressions, waiting for when the pink-haired man would give up on this challenge.

When Sakuma was going to try again, Hikaru leaned in Fukazawa’s ear to whisper something and the man narrowed his eyes at the two. “Hey, I can hear you talking about me.”

“I just said that I admire your perseverance,” Hikaru said.

“I heard something completely different though.”

“You’re sure of that?” Fukazawa asked.

“Of course I’m sure. He told you that I could work for a circus.”

Fukazawa tried to hold back his laughter, failing though, “Well, isn’t he right?”

“How dare you?!”

“Don’t you think the red nose would suit him?” Hikaru told Fukazawa, acting as if Sakuma couldn’t hear them.

Fukazawa looked at Sakuma before nodding, “Absolutely. As for the wig, he’s already got pink hair. So—”

“He’s ready to go,” the other finished for him.

Sakuma narrowed his eyes at them, challenging them with his gaze and then smirking. “I see how it is… You leave me no choice then.”

In the blink of an eye, Sakuma stood up and started throwing the peanuts within his reach at his two band members. Fukazawa mimicked him, getting up from his chair and picking up the peanuts he was thrown just to send them back, while shielding Hikaru in the process.

Watching the short man fighting against the other two was too hilarious to Ren, who had kneeled on the floor from too much laughing. Raul was right when he said that he would have fun. Spending time with these guys was surely bound to give you a good time.

Ren tore his eyes away from the amusing scene only when he saw Shota leaving his seat.

“Where are you going?” Raul asked him.

“I need some fresh air.”

“But we didn’t even drink tonight?” Abe then commented. “Ah, maybe you ate a lot?”

“Possibly,” Shota replied. He took his phone and said, “Tell me who won the peanuts fight.” After that, the man walked away and went into the backstage area.

An instant ‘Follow him!’ resonated within Ren, and his body even urged him to do so. However, he stopped himself since that would have looked suspicious. To his surprise though, Raul came to prompt him to go outside as well.

“Meme, could you bring Shoppi his leather jacket? He forgot it,” the boy told him, passing him the piece of clothing.

Ren’s eyes must have lit up at that moment since Raul had just given him a golden opportunity to stay alone with Shota. As if Ren was the attacker running towards the goal and Raul had just given him the perfect assist.

“Sure,” he replied immediately, grabbing the jacket and ready to fight anyone who tries to take it from him.

No one said anything about joining him though, and Ren successfully exited the room alone, allowing himself a short celebration only when he was out of the room, by raising his fists in the air.

This could be their chance to clear things up and forget the previous misunderstanding. Shota would apologize, Ren would then tell him that everything was fine, and then… Well, he would think about that at the moment.

But before having that conversation, he needed to find Shota after all, so he went towards the back door he came in by, and there he found him. Shota was leaning on the railing that enclosed the stairs that led to the door. He was smoking.

“Watanabe-kun, Raul asked me to give you this,” Ren started, showing him the jacket.

Shota turned and nodded, “Thanks.” The man took it from him and wore it. Since it was already mid-September, the nights have started getting chilly.

Ren stood behind the short man for a while before joining him and leaning against the railing as well. The sky couldn’t be seen clearly since the buildings around them didn’t let the starry sky shine upon them, so Ren found himself something else to look at: Shota.

Probably feeling observed, the man turned and raised his eyebrow. “What? You want one?” he pointed at his cigarette.

“No, thanks.”

“Okay.”

“Shouldn’t smoking be forbidden for a singer? Won’t your vocal cords be affected?”

“I know, that’s why I don’t smoke anymore. I just needed one right now, alright?” Shota burst out. He then exhaled the smoke out of his mouth, before taking the cigarette back in and looking at his phone. “You’re really a prick.”

“How ungrateful. I brought you your leather jacket and thought to keep you company—”

“Well, thank you for the jacket.” Shota removed the cigarette from his lips and waved Ren away with his hand, “But do me a favor and go back to the others.”

And suddenly, a sense of déjà vu hit Ren. Just like last time, Shota treated him harshly. He looked nothing like the fun, laid-back guy he had seen during the night. Was that a behavior he directed at Ren only? Could it be that the man simply couldn’t stand him?

It was as if Shota would suddenly raise up a wall against him and to which he could do nothing but just retreat.

And he did. At a complete loss for words and once again having experienced a rude shock, Ren swallowed the knot in his throat and complied to Shota’s order. “Okay, sorry, I’ll go.”

He turned and made to leave, his hand already on the doorknob, when he felt something pulling him back. He threw a glance over his shoulder and saw Shota’s small hand grabbing onto the fabric of his shirt, still facing the building in front of him though.

“Wait.”

“What?”

He heard the other sigh, and then his shirt was released. He didn’t move, waiting for Shota to speak, which took no more than a few seconds.

“Sorry. I—I’m sorry, I’m the prick, not you.”

“Quite the confession for someone who’s acting like an asshole,” he said, not helping himself to bite back. Ren had his pride too after all.

Shota shot him a glance before raising his hands in the air, “Alright, I deserved it.”

Ren chuckled, and when the other followed him, he moved back where he was previously, next to Shota. The hurt he felt before was now gone completely. He didn’t consider himself someone who forgives easily and yet here he was, readily forgiving Shota.

“I’m sorry for that time also, at the washroom. I shouldn’t have said that stuff.”

“It’s alright, don’t worry,” he said, the conversation he had imagined really unfolding before his eyes. “I appreciate your apology.”

“And I appreciate you keeping it from Raul,” Shota said, a wince of pain on his face, “I wouldn’t have heard the end of it if he knew.”

“I didn’t want to ruin your friendship,” he admitted honestly. “Raul doesn’t have many friends, so I would feel bad if I were to crack that apart.”

Shota directed his gaze at him properly for the first time that night, looking at him as if he were taking in his presence only at that moment. The man then chuckled to himself, shaking his head as if amused by something.

“What is it?” he couldn’t help but ask.

“You’re really a good guy.”

“I take that as a compliment?” he said, furrowing his eyebrows, not sure of what the other meant since he had been a mystery since the start.

“That’s definitely a compliment,” Shota assured him. He sucked on the cigarette then and let out everything while looking up. “Also, if there is something I can do to make up for my rudeness, just tell me.”

Ren smirked, “There’s something actually.”

Shota had just returned the cigarette to his mouth when Ren took it from him. In the process, his fingers brushed the other’s lips and he felt a thrill run down his spine due to the sudden contact. Ren then put the cigarette out and waved it in front of Shota’s face.

“Let’s stop this, alright?”

He looked around and saw what should have been a trash bin near the exit. He threw the cigarette there before turning toward Shota and smiling.

“There are better ways to relax, aren’t there?”

“Unfortunately I don’t have my face mask and facial steamer with me so I have to make do with what I have.”

Ren wasn’t weirded out by those words since he knew that Shota was very high on skincare and all that world. He instead focused on the nervous aura the man got around him, and if there was anything he could do about it.

“Want to talk about it?”

“With you?”

“It could make you feel better.”

Shota shook his head, laughing half-heartedly.

“It’s about the debut?” he attempted to guess.

Crossing his arms over the railing and resting his forehead on them, Shota sighed heavily, “Everything that the debut implied.”

Ren could only see Shota’s hair since the other was hiding his face, and he felt his hands twitching wanting to caress it, to give him some pats to comfort him. He had to hold back on that instinct though since they weren’t close enough and so that would have been inappropriate.

Therefore, he limited himself to keep on asking questions, hoping to get something out of the other. “You mean fame? Pressure?”

“No, it’s something different.”

“What is it then?”

“Listen, Meguro-kun,” the man said, raising his head, “You don’t have to comfort me or anything like that. I’ll just have some beers and when I get back home, I’ll sleep it off.”

“Isn’t it better to let it all out though? I may be only a stranger to you, but perhaps it’s precisely easier to talk to a stranger about it?”

It wasn’t like Ren was eager to find out what was bothering Shota, he didn’t have any interest in meddling with his personal issues. He just wanted to remove that sad veil that was hovering over his eyes, and that he couldn’t bear to see. To him, they deserved to sparkle, and they weren’t doing that at the moment. Stars are meant to shine, aren’t they?

Shota stared at him for a while, perhaps really pondering on the idea of whether to confide with Ren or not. However, he eventually shook his head.

“It’s out of the question,” Shota declared, “Not even Raul knows about it, so you’ll need to stay out of this.”

For it to be something that not even Raul was aware of, it must have been something quite private, since Snow Man seemed to share a lot with his friend. Understanding that, Ren decided to give up in the end, not wishing to come off as pushy.

“Alright. I accept that.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Are you going to repeat everything I say?”

Ren chuckled bashfully, “Sorry, I just wanted the conversation to keep going.”

“Why? You can’t stand silence?”

He bit his lips, wondering if he should risk it all or stop before it was too late. Regardless, Ren had always been a brave person, not running away from any hazard and ready to take a leap in the dark when needed. So, he threw Shota a quick glance before mumbling, “I just want to talk to you.”

Shota appeared stunned by Ren’s statement, and could only stare at him dumbfounded. And at that sight, Ren couldn’t hold back a fond chuckle.

So, he’s someone who can be flustered easily… He thought within himself, taking a mental note of that.

“You… What are you saying?”

“What? It’s weird that someone likes talking with you?”

“Well, that too, but,” Shota stuttered, “Even though I apologized, I’m still that dude who cursed at you for no reason. Are you a masochist or what?”

“What if I am?” Ren challenged him, “Would you curse at me some more?”

“Oh, please, shut up,” Shota replied, looking away while turning red through his ears.

Ren finally understood why Raul likes to tease the man that much. If every time he could see such a cute and adorable face, how could one possibly resist?

At that moment, the back door opened. Ren wished that he could have stayed alone with Shota a bit more, nonetheless, he smiled at Raul when he came out.

“Sorry to interrupt but the others are already going away,” the boy informed them.

“You’re not interrupting anything,” Shota cared to let him know, “I bet it’s Abe-chan, right? It’s past his bedtime now.”

“Indeed,” Raul nodded. “I wanted to ask if I could stay over at yours tonight?”

Shota wasn’t surprised by Raul’s request and gladly agreed. “Sure, no problem.”

Then, Raul turned toward Ren while still making eye contact with Shota, as if silently telling him to extend the invitation even to him. It took Shota some seconds before realizing it, but he eventually wrapped his head around it and invited Ren as well.

“A—Ah, huh, well, Meguro-kun, would you like to come as well?”

Once again, a grin spread on Ren’s face. This man is too cute.

Of course he would have liked to join the two, but Shota’s invite was mostly forced by Raul. It wasn’t entirely out of his own free will, so Ren didn’t like that. He wanted to do things properly, to have Shota inviting him out of his own wish, to spend time together with him because Shota actually wanted to.

It would mean losing a great chance, he was perfectly aware of that, but Ren was a guy who sought himself opportunities, so he was sure that he would manage to meet Shota again. He was confident that if he really wanted to see Shota again, then he could make it happen.

So he turned down the invite politely. “I’m sorry, but I guess I’ll go home. You two have fun though.”

Raul held on to his arm, “You sure?”

“I’m sure,” he said without any regrets. He then looked at Shota and smiled widely. “It was a pleasure to talk to you, Watanabe-kun. Until next time.”

“Oh—Ah, yeah, until next time.”

Ren came back inside to say goodbyes to the others, thanking them for the fun night he had, before going away and stepping out of D.D. with a grin plastered on his face.

Once outside, he looked up, gladly seeing that the sky could be seen better from there. The stars had never looked so bright.

— — — — — — — — —

Ren woke up with a smile on his face. For being someone who always had to pump himself up for the day, he felt quite energetic that morning even without doing that.

As he got ready, he couldn’t stop thinking about the night before. He knew that he may have forgiven Shota too fast for his standards, but he found himself unable to hold a grudge on him. Not when the man had given him a sincere apology, not when the man looked that cute.

And now that Shota’s jerk verdict was proven untrue, his crush had now skyrocketed. There was nothing that could stop his feelings now and his mind was very much aware of that, since it didn’t stop thinking about Shota for the whole night. Every time he closed his eyes, he was just there. With his cute eyes and pretty smile. He just couldn’t get him out of his head, and he had started to act like a teenager, grinning just by thinking about his crush.

But as long as he was alone in his house it wouldn’t trouble him. It’d worry him more if this behavior appeared in front of Raul, over whom Ren already harbored some doubts. The boy had asked him to go bring the leather jacket to Shota after all, when he could have gone himself. And if he really didn’t want to go, he could have asked Shota’s bandmade instead.

“Speaking of Raul, I got no texts from him this morning,” he noticed suddenly. He had been too lost in his own world to have not even realized that there weren’t any new messages in their chat. “Is he still sleeping?”

Ren stared at his phone for some seconds, before deciding to just wait for the other to text him first. If he was really sleeping, then he would have just let him be. Maybe Shota and Raul had stayed up late therefore causing the younger to sleep in.

He continued on preparing his duffel bag for his afternoon soccer practice and after checking that nothing was missing, he threw it over his left shoulder. On the right one, his backpack with the books he needed for the morning lectures. He took his phone and went down, greeting his parents and going out of the house.

Ren had just crossed his house’s gate when his phone rang.

“Ah, Raul, hi, finally you’re awake,” he replied immediately as soon as he read his name.

“Ehm—Hello, t-this is not Raul.”

Ren stopped in his tracks as he recognized that voice in no time. His ears loved it so much after all, it would have been impossible for him to not identify it.

“Watanabe-kun,” he called out, surprised.

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m Shota. I mean Watanabe—Watanabe Shota.”

He had to bring a wrist in front of his face to muffle his giggles. Ah… He’s too cute for this world.

“Hello, Watanabe-kun. How are you?”

“Sleepy, but I’m doing good… Y-You?”

Never in his mind could he have imagined to have Watanabe Shota ask him how he was first thing in the morning. The day had just started but he was already on cloud nine.

“I’m doing great,” he said, before he moved on to what should have been the main topic of the conversation, “Why are you on Raul’s phone? Is he still with you?”

“No, he went out something like 20 minutes ago. He left his phone here though, so I can’t contact him, and since he told me that he recently moved, I don’t even know where he stays. I didn’t know what to do so the first thing that came to my mind was to call you.”

“You thought about me before calling his brother?”

“Ah.”

Ren felt as if he had just won the lottery. The fact that he came to Shota’s mind before Raul’s brother made his confidence boost up, now sure that he had made an impression on him.

“I’m flattered, Watanabe-kun,” he affirmed, thinking that he could allow himself to tease the other a little bit.

“Y-You’re just the most recent contact, so…” Shota mumbled, “Anyway, so, are you going to help me?”

“Yeah,” he replied. He was going to tell him that he would text to Raul’s phone the new address, but he stopped himself as he just thought of an even better idea. “How about we meet up somewhere? Even if I send you the address, you might have trouble finding his house.”

“Alright. Where should we meet?”

Ren told him the name of the closest train station to Raul’s house and the two closed the call after agreeing to meet there. Ren was very glad that that morning he had decided to go out earlier than usual.

“Alright, let’s do this.”

Ren waited around 5 minutes before Shota walked out of the train station. The only reason he could recognize him was because of his clothes since he was wearing a beanie and a mask to disguise himself. The man spotted him almost immediately.

“Good morning,” he greeted him, meeting him half-way. “Sorry to have made you come all the way here.”

“No problem, it’s my fault not noticing that Raul was forgetting his phone. Next time I’ll have him stick it to his hand,” Shota rumbled. Then, he fished out of his jeans’ pocket Raul’s phone. “Here it is. Thanks a lot.”

“Don’t you want to go?”

Shota raised his eyebrow, “Where?”

“To Raul’s.”

“Why should I?”

“So next time you won’t have to call Raul’s best friend and have to meet up with him because of a misplaced phone.”

Shota grimaced, putting his hands on his hips and looking away, “You’re good at making people feel guilty.”

Ren shook his head, “I’m not making you feel guilty.”

The man brought his eyes back on him, “Then what?”

“I’m just asking for company.”

He could see how Shota was contemplating on what to do. That man was very easy to read for him somehow, so it wasn’t that hard for Ren to understand that Shota closing his eyes and throwing his head back was a positive answer.

“Fine, let’s go.”

Ren let out a wide smile at those words, and without further ado led the way.

At first they didn’t talk much when they were still walking on the main street. On Shota’s end there may have been just sleepiness, but on his own end there was an endless search of what to ask and what to say. Ren wouldn’t define himself as the best talker out there, so he couldn’t make up his mind on any topic.

When they took a turn to a smaller alley though, Shota was the first one to speak.

“You do sports?” the man asked, pointing at Ren’s bag.

“I do. I play soccer,” he said, “I’ve been playing it since I was in elementary school.”

“Are you aiming to be a professional soccer player?”

“No, no,” he chuckled, waving his hand in the air, “If I were that good then someone would have scouted me long ago. I just play for my university’s team. We’re not that strong either, so it’s just dudes having fun.”

“You’ve been playing for quite a lot, I see,” Shota nodded, taking in the information.

Since he didn’t look like asking other questions, Ren decided that it was his turn.

“And you? How long have you been singing?”

“Since elementary school as well.”

Ren exclaimed loudly, “Woah, you’ve always liked singing then.”

Tilting his head to the side, Shota denied that. “Not really. I just went because everyone around me had always said that my voice was very nice. My music teacher suggested to my parents to send me to singing lessons, and so I did. I started to actually liking doing that after I joined Snow Man.”

“Really? How come?”

“Probably because I wasn’t singing out of duty. You know, my vocal coach would sign me up for competitions, while my parents would use any chance they had to make me sing somewhere – like at those neighborhood festivals – and I was doing all that because I believed it was what I had to do. I had a good voice, therefore I had to sing.”

“How could you enjoy singing then?” he couldn’t help but ask at that point.

The other snapped his fingers and pointed at him, “Exactly, Meguro-kun. I didn’t enjoy singing at that time. But then, when Snow Man asked me to join them and I sang with them for the first time at our school’s culture festival, I understood that singing was indeed fun. For the first time I sang out of my own free will, and from that moment on I began to cherish it as my dearest thing – right after Snow Man.”

“That’s a very nice story, you know that?”

Shota glanced at him before smirking and wearing a cool face, “I’m perfectly aware of that.”

Ren burst out laughing at that, “Wait, is that even true then?!”

“Of course it is! I wouldn’t ever make up stories. That’s Fukka.”

“You sure?”

“Trust me,” Shota said, patting his chest with his hand.

“I’ll need to think about it…”

Shota nudged him playfully, “Shut up.”

As they kept on strolling while generally having a fun conversation, Ren found himself really at ease with Shota, despite their cold start. It was as if that had never happened and they had started afresh.

It took them another 15 minutes before reaching the street where Raul’s house was.

Shota was going straight ahead, so Ren pulled at his arm, grabbing his hoodie and telling him that they had to turn left. He reluctantly released the other’s arm, but let himself walk a bit closer to Shota, so that their elbows would brush from time to time. He knew perfectly how that would look silly in someone’s point of view, but he was really going down hard for this man at this point, so he might as well ride on the wave of them closing up the distance.

Finally, they arrived in front of Raul’s house and as they climbed the stairs that led to the front door, Ren noticed only at that moment that Shota was wearing a pair of sandals.

“It’s almost October, what are you doing wearing sandals?”

“I like to be casual,” Shota told him, before his eyes looked Ren up and down. “Sorry that I don’t consider the road my daily catwalk.”

Shota rang the bell as Ren replied to his jab, “Sorry if I like to not look down-at-heel.”

“Come again?” Shota immediately turned towards him, threateningly.

Ren didn’t back down and faced the other, looking down at him due to their height difference. “You’re going to tell me that I’m wrong?”

They had their eyes fixed on each other, but they were both having an amused look on their faces. Ren smirked and Shota cracked a smile, which to him was just like the sunrise on a cloudy morning.

“... Hello?”

Blinking their eyes and coming back to reality, they realized that the front door was now open and that Raul stood in front of them, watching them with a pleased look on his face.

“I see that you two are getting on well.”

“You left your phone at my house and he showed me the way.”

“I thought it would be easier than sending the address.”

Raul narrowed his eyes at them while they justified their actions, as if they owed him an explanation. They of course didn’t, but Ren had to admit that he felt like he had to explain why he was ardently staring into the eyes of the man he had met just the night before and to whom he shouldn’t have any feelings at all.

“If you say so,” Raul then shrugged. He took the phone Ren was handing him and looked between the two of them, the right corner of his lips going up, “I’m happy to see that you two are growing close, but I don’t have the moment to unpack all that because I got a lesson on first period today.”

“We’re not—I mean—Well,” Shota stuttered, while trying to conceal the panic that showed up uninvited, “Anyway, have a good day and study hard. I made plans with the others so I have to go as well. Bye guys.”

As Shota was going down the stairs, Ren also quickly said goodbye to Raul while mentioning about calling him in the afternoon after his soccer practice.

He managed to reach Shota and block him. “So, I’ll see you around?”

The short man let his gaze wander for some seconds, then gave him a nod, “Sure, yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“Alright.”

“Alright.”

Shota giggled, “You’re doing it again.”

He frowned in confusion, “What?”

“Repeating everything I say.”

“I guess…” Ren started, but the words stopped at the tip of his tongue when Shota’s phone rang.

“It’s Koji. I have to get this. Might be about work. Bye.”

“Bye,” Ren muttered, and Shota set off. The words he had wanted to tell him came out of his mouth now that he was out of reach. “I guess I can’t really let you go.”

He watched Shota going away, a warmth wrapping his heart in a suffocating way, and he made up his mind. He wanted to spend more time with him, he wanted to know him more, to find out all his different sides.

His crush had definitely become deeper.

— — — — — — — — —

“This will be your last assessment before your graduation, so be sure to give your all and hand in something you’re proud of,” Ren’s professor told the class, as she dismissed them at the end of the lesson.

Collecting his things and throwing them into his bag, Ren exited the classroom, already thinking about what he should do about this assignment. Their professor had asked them to produce and write one of those famous 10k interviews that magazines used to do with celebrities, and Ren was all but relaxed.

The professor was kind enough to let them know that they could interview even a friend or a relative as long as they had a story to tell and they could write something compelling with it. In fact, not only would his professor grade their work, but she would also release their articles throughout the university, in journal form, and have general readers leave their reviews.

Now, handing in an assignment to his teacher was completely fine, but having all the people in his university read his article was a totally different matter. Ren didn’t feel good enough and was afraid to have others judge his work.

But before freaking out about the journal, Ren needed to find someone to interview. Possibly, someone he would feel at ease with so he could really use the option of asking someone close to him. As a matter of fact, his soccer coach came to his mind immediately, since he had once played in the J3 League. He could have asked him to talk about his career and why he didn’t become a professional player.

If none of his classmates had the same idea – Ren wasn’t the only soccer club member in his course – then he could have probably jotted down the article very easily and without any issue. Soccer was also a field he was interested in, so asking his coach for an interview was going to be the first thing he was going to do.

Ren sped up his steps as he slipped quickly through the building’s alleys. Once he was out, he went straight to the area where their soccer field was located. He was so focused on his goal to not realize what or who was around him, and so he ended up bumping into a stranger so roughly that the other’s bag even dropped to the ground.

“I’m very sorry,” he apologized, picking up the bag that had fallen.

“Don’t worry, I was looking at my phone and was distracted,” the person said.

When Ren’s eyes met the person’s figure, it was almost impossible for him to not see a bunch of pink hair under the black bucket hat. That stranger wasn’t a stranger at all, and when their gazes met, they both pointed their fingers at each other.

“Sakuma-kun!”

“Meme!”

They called each other’s names at the same time.

“You study here?”

“I do. I’m enrolled in Media Studies.”

Sakuma took some steps forward, “What? Really? Same university and same major then!”

It took Ren some seconds to understand that Sakuma was talking of none other than himself.

“Wait, you’ve graduated from here?!”

Sakuma crossed his arms and smirked, “In fact, I did. And you’re my junior.”

“Ah, that’s true,” Ren realized.

“You can call me ‘Sakuma-senpai’ if you want,” the man said with a satisfied smile on his face while encouraging him with a sign of his hand.

“I’m fine with ‘Sakuma-kun’ don’t worry.”

Sakuma acted out what looked like a blow directed at his heart. He wore a pained expression as he pretended to have suffered a hit. Ren was surprised to see that the man wasn’t animated only when he was with Snow Man but also when alone with him.

“Every time I build a bridge to you, Meme, you destroy it.”

“You’re really noisy, Watanabe-kun is right,” Ren found himself quoting Shota’s words. “And if I may add, you’re quite dramatic as well.”

“I’m your senior, treat me with respect.”

Their silly back and forth went on for minutes during which Ren felt like Koji all of a sudden since Sakuma was behaving just like he did when he was with Snow Man’s guitarist. Sakuma had a certain skill of making everyone feel at ease with him and giving the feeling of having known him for ages. There was a familiar vibe around him that just lures one in.

“Anyway, Sakuma-kun, what are you doing here?” he asked after they had finished joking around.

“I came to see a professor who cheered on me and Snow Man a lot. I want to tell her personally that we’re debuting, even though she must have already heard it from somewhere else.”

“Who is it?”

“Kagawa-san. She mainly teaches journalism.”

Ren widened his eyes, “Wait, I just got out of her lesson.”

Sakuma gaped at him, “Woah, that’s quite a coincidence.”

“Indeed—Hey, you may still catch her in the classroom. It’s room number 34 on the second floor.”

“Thanks!” Sakuma said as he dashed. He stopped himself though to go back to Ren once again. “Yesterday was very fun, you should hang out with us more. How about we exchange LINE contacts?”

Ren was surprised by that sudden question, nonetheless, he was glad to know that even Snow Man had a good time with him. So, he gladly took the phone that Sakuma was handing him to save his contact there. Afterwards, he saved Sakuma’s LINE contact on his phone as well.

“Great! See you soon then!” Sakuma exclaimed, quickly taking back his phone and running away once again.

“See you!” Ren shouted as Sakuma was already very far from him.

The world is really small… He thought, still amazed at the coincidence.

Returning to his tracks, Ren once again headed to the soccer field, while reasoning that accepting to exchange contacts with Sakuma was certainly a good call if he wanted to get closer to Snow Man, and then eventually Shota.

— — — — — — — — —

Ren drank the last sip of his apple juice as he stared intently at the PC screen, where a Premier League match was currently being streamed online. It was late afternoon in England, so in Japan it was late at night – 2 am to be precise – and Ren was glad that the next day he didn’t have any morning classes.

The match had just hit the last referee’s whistle which signaled that the match had ended when his phone began ringing and buzzing on the bedside table.

“Who’s calling at this hour?” Ren wondered, worried that something might have happened. And when he saw that the one calling was Sakuma, he furrowed in concern even more. “Hello? Sakuma-kun? You okay?”

“Meme!!! Hey!! My dear junior Meme!!!”

Ren ran a hand through his face and chuckled.

He’s drunk.

“Sakuma-kun, what are you doing at this hour?”

“I was drinking! We were drinking! We’re drunk!” Sakuma shouted on his end of the line, very lively.

“I can hear that,” Ren informed him. “Is there something I can do for you?”

“Well~ I think we need your help to go home,” Sakuma explained.

“Can’t you take a taxi?”

“We’ve got no luck at getting any~”

Ren wasn’t really that keen on going out of his house that late at night, so he searched for another option. “Let me try booking a ride on your behalf.”

“Come on, Meme! We’re also missing you and want you here! Especially Shota, he’s been talking about you all night—” Sakuma’s words halted suddenly, and for some seconds the only thing that Ren could hear was someone preventing Sakuma from speaking, while the man tried to get back on the phone with all his might.

Is… Is Watanabe-kun with him? And he’s been talking about me?

In an instant, his body was fueled with energy and he jumped out of his bed in no time.

“Can you send me your location through text? I’ll come,” he told the man, while he could still hear some chaos happening on the other end of the line.

“Sure! Thanks—Shota, he’s coming!He’s—No, wait—” and after that, the call was cut off.

Ren didn’t know what was going on, but he sure wanted to find out right about now. So, he grabbed the first jersey he could find and changed his clothes, took his car keys, and tried to get out of his house as silently as he could to not wake his parents.

Sakuma had just sent him the location when he got in the car, so he started the GPS and set off to what he read was the Shinjuku neighborhood.

When he arrived and started to pull over the street, he noticed with a sigh of relief that the two men were in a better condition than he had imagined. They were waiting next to a street light; Shota was hugging it to prop himself up since he looked like he was going to fall asleep anytime while standing; then there was Sakuma who was observing the streets with attention.

The pink-haired man spotted him and waved energetically. He then informed Shota that Ren had arrived, and helped him get into the car. As soon as he entered, Shota laid down on the backseat, refusing to move another inch. Sakuma giggled and tried to have his bandmate sit upright, but in vain, so he eventually went to sit at the front seat.

Ren checked that both Sakuma and Shota were alright before he started the engine.

“Sakuma-kun, could you input your address onto my phone? And then start the GPS.”

“Okie dokie!” Sakuma replied, tapping his phone a few times before he inserted the address. “You’re a lifesaver! We would have been lost without you.”

“Don’t put me on your speed dial list though, I was awake by coincidence today,” Ren told him, “I don’t usually go out of my way to pick up drunk friends.”

“S-So we’re friends?” Sakuma had completely ignored the rest of the sentence and focused on that tiny particular. “Meme, are we friends?”

Ren chuckled at the excited tone of the older man.

“I guess.”

“Meme!” Sakuma shouted out, raising his hands and even tapping them on the car’s roof in an irregular rhythm. “We’re going to be friends forever!”

“Forever is a long time, Sakuma-kun.”

“I don’t care! I’ll follow after you till the end of the world!”

It was quite the paradox seeing how Sakuma was as lively and loud as ever, while Shota kept on sleeping unbothered – he hadn’t spoken a word, so Ren was pretty much sure that the man had blacked out as soon as his body had touched the backseat’s surface.

Sakuma was a nice company though, so Ren didn’t mind having him filling the cabin with his cheerfulness.

As they talked, Sakuma told him that they had been out for drinks with two seniors of theirs from high school and who wanted to congratulate them for the debut. Apparently, Sakuma and Shota weren’t heavy drinkers so they had only a couple of drinks that night, but since they couldn’t hold their liquor, those had been enough to get them in between tipsy and drunk.

The seniors had gone home earlier by taxi while the two Snow Man’s members stayed back, hoping that they would sober up a bit with time. That didn’t happen though, and they ended up calling Ren. Sakuma refused to elaborate on the actual reasons though, and just replied what he said on the phone, ‘We missed you!’

Ren turned up his nose at that, not feeling satisfied at all – he wasn’t the brightest, but he could feel when there was something going on behind his back. Still, he just let Sakuma be and after 20 minutes they reached the apartment building where the man lived.

“Alright! Thanks!”

“Wait, how about Watanabe-kun?” he asked when he saw Sakuma getting out of the car just like that.

The other threw a glance toward the backseat, “He’d probably hate it to spend the night at mine—Too packed with anime goods he once said. And I don’t want to deal with him when he gets awake because he’s going to be unbearable. Just take him home.”

“Do you know his address?”

Sakuma looked up, puckering his lips pensively, tilting his head from time to time. After a while, he exclaimed, “I don’t remember it!”

“What do we do then?”

“Just bring him back to yours,” Sakuma replied, shrugging.

It was too late to stop the man, who was already going out of the car and stumbling until the building’s entrance.

“Wait, Sakuma-kun!” he called him from his seat.

Sakuma turned and clasped his hands together, “I’ll entrust Shota to you!”

After that, the short man disappeared behind the door and Ren was left in the car alone with a sleeping Watanabe Shota.

“Is he for real?” he said out loud, still staring at the building’s entrance door.

Slowly, he turned to look at Shota, not knowing what to do. He stretched his hand to touch his arm and shake him, hoping that would wake him up.

“Watanabe-kun, Watanabe-kun, can you tell me your address?”

He tried many times but nothing aside from incomprehensible grumbles came out of the other’s mouth. It seemed impossible to wake him up, and he considered the chance to call Raul to get the address, but it was too late in the night. He would feel bad to wake his friend up like that – and surely even startle him, since Ren calling at half past 2 am would alarm him to a great extent.

“I guess I have no choice…” Ren mumbled.

He gave one last look at Shota before starting the drive back home, while he calmed himself down since in around half an hour he will have to sleep in the same room as his crush. Worse, his crush will sleep in his bed, under his blanket, marking everything with his own scent.

He snorted, upset, “Sakuma-kun, should I bless you or curse you?”

Ren got out of the car and proceeded to get Shota out as well. He opened the car’s door and leaned closer to his face.

“Watanabe-kun, we’re here,” he announced. “I drove you back to my place.”

No sounds came from Shota, so he repeated his words again and again, until finally Shota raised his head to look at him with his half-open, sleepy eyes.

“What?”

“You didn’t wake up when I asked for your address, and Sakuma-kun didn’t remember it, so I brought you to my place. Hope that’s not a—”

“Okay,” Shota replied. “Thanks, goodnight.”

“Goodnight? Watanabe-kun, you’re still in the car,” Ren told him.

“I’m fine here.”

Ren sighed and forced Shota to get out. He took him by his arms and gently got him to stand on his feet on the ground. The man held onto Ren’s body, showing no strength to be upright alone. Ren supported him by circling his arms around Shota’s slim body, and Shota naturally rested his face on his chest, which caused his heart to pound loudly. The sweet scent that came from Shota’s hair was also making him dizzy, and he had to focus on his task of bringing the other inside before he buried his nose in that silky and soft hair.

Ren passed Shota’s arm over his shoulder, so they could walk in a more stable position. Luckily, the man was gradually waking up so Ren didn’t have many problems taking Shota inside the house. They had some issues when climbing the stairs but Ren couldn’t just take Shota princess-style and carry him to the bedroom – the other could have still fought him. By the time they reached Ren’s room, Shota was able to stand on his own.

He turned on the light and Shota’s eyes closed for the brightness.

“You live here alone?” Shota asked, rubbing his eyes.

“No, I live with my parents. I’m planning to move out when I get a job after graduation,” he explained.

Noticing that his PC was still on his bed, Ren hurried to put it on his desk before flattening the bed’s blanket with his hands, to give it a more decent appearance.

“You can sleep here, I’ll take a futon,” he said, before telling Shota something he really didn’t want to but that was just right, “Or you can tell me your address now that you’re awake, and I can either drive you there or call a taxi for you.”

Shota moved his lips, thinking, and then replied, “No, it’s fine. You were already so kind to listen to Sakuma’s absurd request.”

“It’s fine.”

Stretching his limbs, Shota let his gaze wander around Ren’s room, until his eyes fell on the closet. His eyebrows raised up and he threw at Ren a daring look.

“What?” Ren asked.

“Can I open it?”

“Sure.”

Shota opened Ren’s closet wide and exclaimed, “So, these are all your clothes for the runway.”

Ren laughed out loud as Shota repeated last time’s joke.

“I just like fashion.”

“Why even? You’re already tall and handsome, do you even need to be fashionable?”

Even though he was awake, Shota’s mouth was still clearly running on the alcohol’s effect, since he let that slip out as if it were nothing. But Ren couldn’t just let it slide, he had to pick up on that.

“Did you just call me handsome?” he said, watching him with a knowing look.

Shota realized his mistake but still faced him with pride, “Yeah, so what? As if you don’t know that yourself.”

“Well… It still feels nice when someone tells you.” He bit his lips, continuing the sentence in his mind, Especially if that person is your crush.

“Whatever,” Shota mumbled, averting his gaze to focus on the closet. He began checking out Ren’s clothes, “Since I look down-at-heel, let’s see if there’s something here that could help me.”

Shota buried himself inside the closet until he came out with a rose shirt he put on over his white one. The size was obviously too large for Shota, whose hands got lost inside the sleeves, only his fingertips peeked out from them. His thighs were also covered in part by the rose shirt.

Ren had to subtly bite his lips to not let the other find him out. He didn’t know what was cuter: Shota wearing his shirt, the fact that it was so big on him, or the expression that the man was doing at the moment – an extremely adorable smile on his face. Whichever it was, Ren could only stare at that sight with a fond gaze.

“So? How’s this? Does pink suit me?”

“It’s rose actually. Like, antique pink,” he pointed out.

Shota sighed, “Fine. Does rose suit me?”

He smiled, “It does. I’ll give you the shirt if you want.”

“What? Really?” Shota asked, surprised. He looked at himself in the mirror that was attached to the closet and then once again at Ren. “You’re really giving me this?”

“If you want it, it’s yours. I have tons of shirts anyway, one less won’t hurt.”

At that point, Shota grinned, “Then…” The man went back to the closet again and came out with a beret on his head. “Can I have this too?”

And by God, of course he could, it looked so good on him to Ren. Was it the beret itself or because it was Ren’s? Again, Ren couldn’t choose, but he was ready to get all his closet wiped out if Shota wanted.

“If you like it.”

“Meguro-kun, you’re freaking kind,” Shota affirmed. Then, he positioned himself in front of the mirror and posed like people usually did in magazines, “Do I look like I'm walking my daily runway on the streets?”

Chuckling, Ren nodded, hiding his adoring smile with his wrists, “You do.”

“Do I look a bit like Meguro Ren?”

Ren couldn’t stop laughing at the man’s antics. It was the first time he ever saw such a side of Shota. Alcohol made him a different person, playful and bold. He could never picture a sober Watanabe Shota behaving like that. Truth was that he hadn’t known him personally for that long, so this may very well be his true side – or the one he showed once he felt comfortable enough with someone.

“Oh! We should do a ‘who wore it better’ competition,” Shota exclaimed at some point.

Walking up to him, Shota took off the beret and stood on his tiptoes to place it over Ren’s head. Just like that, in the span of one second, their faces became only inches apart, and if Ren was laughing previously, now he had completely gone shut and his throat became as dry as the desert.

For some reason, Shota still had his hands above Ren’s head, his elbows propping themselves up on Ren’s shoulders. The man was staring at the beret as if it was the most fascinating thing on earth. “Woah, it really suits you.”

“Watanabe-kun, it’s late, I guess we should go to sleep,” Ren managed to say despite the lack of breath he was experiencing at that moment.

“I lost. You wore it better.”

“Okay, great,” Ren said, trying to get free from Shota’s grip.

However, the man had other plans since he slid his hands over Ren’s torso and looked at him straight in the eyes.

“Admit it, you’re hoping that someday you’ll be scouted on the streets.”

Still glued on Ren, Shota dared to bring up the previous topic again, while Ren was in the middle of a meltdown with everything happening.

How could Shota remain so calm in such a situation? Even though Ren could be totally indifferent to him, they were still too close for someone to not react. Didn’t he realize how close they were? Wasn’t he realizing how easy it could be for Ren to just lower himself some inches and kiss him? Wasn’t he realizing how he was driving him crazy?

“Watanabe-kun, we should really go to bed.”

“Okay.”

Luckily the man understood but instead of backing down, he leaned in more.

What the hell is he doing?!

Shota’s face was now dangerously close, so much that their breaths could meet. He returned on his tiptoes and began tilting his head lightly to the side, and Ren found his hands trembling mid-air, not knowing if to rest on Shota’s waist or to push him away.

If Shota was willing to give him a kiss, should he take it? Shota wasn’t sober, and all this could have been the result of the drinks running in the other’s body, so there was no way to ascertain whether this was something he wanted for real or not. And Ren didn’t want something that wasn’t.

But having Shota’s lips within reach, the mole above them now very clear in Ren’s eyes, and that damn sweet scent again… Oh, he wanted it so much. So, so much.

He was almost closing his eyes when he felt the beret on his head being peeled off, while Shota came back on the floor with his heels, leaving Ren’s body, which was met with a sudden coldness.

“This is still mine for tonight, though,” Shota said, wearing the beret.

“S-Sure…” he could only mumble, having to blink a few times and rub his hands on his face to compose himself again.

“You said I’ll sleep on the bed?”

“Yeah.”

Shota moved to the bed, slipping inside the blanket still with the rose shirt and the beret, “Goodnight, then.”

“Huh, goodnight.”

Ren prepared the futon for himself while still thinking about what could have happened if he had taken the initiative to kiss Shota. He was glad that he had waited for the other to do the first move because otherwise, it would have resulted in Ren kissing Shota when the other didn’t want to.

He liked the risk, true, but this time he was going too far. He was becoming eager, hungry for more, and that couldn’t mean anything good. Because if before he could have perfectly said that he just wanted to spend time with the other, now he couldn’t admit that easily anymore.

As he tucked himself in, Ren understood that he wanted more. He wanted to kiss Shota; he wanted that kind of intimacy with him. He wanted to hug him, to have him always within his grasp. He wanted to have him wear his clothes and for people to recognize that those were his and not Shota’s. He wanted to be the one Shota would call when he needed a lift when drunk. He wanted to be the one who could see him up close as he did tonight.

This wasn’t just a crush anymore.

Ren liked Watanabe Shota for real, an awful lot.

— — — — — — — — —

Ren woke up by the slight vibrations at his pillow. Prying his eyes open, he slid his hand under the pillow just to find his phone there. Last night, he had been so lost in his own brainwork to not realize he had left it there.

There was an incoming text from Sakuma on the phone screen.

Thanks for yesterday! I owe you one!

As he read that, his eyes fell on the clock which was showing that it was already 8 am. He didn’t have any lessons in his first period, but he did have morning practice at 9 am, so he forced himself to get up, sending a quick message to Sakuma in the meanwhile, Don’t mention it.

He glanced over at his bed, where Shota was currently curled up in his sheets while squeezing Ren’s pillow in his arms. Careful to not make any sound, he approached the bed to sneak a peek at Shota’s sleeping face. The man was still wearing the rose shirt while the black beret had fallen off the bed.

Unconsciously, his lips formed a fond smile on his face, and he had to remind himself that he was going to be late if he didn’t start to get ready immediately. So, even though unwillingly, he averted his gaze from Shota’s face glued on his pillow, and grabbed everything he needed before going to the bathroom.

If he recalled what happened last night, it still felt like a fever dream. Shota hugging him to not fall when he got out of the car, calling him handsome, wearing his clothes, and all this wrapped up by that moment when their lips almost touched.

He wouldn’t have ever believed that something like this could have happened, not even if the Ren from the future had come to inform him of that. And not even the cold shower he was having was managing to make him wrap his head around it. He ended up getting out of it with his brain still in a frenzy mood.

Ren wrapped a towel around his waist while drying his hair with another one, which was then left hanging on his shoulders. He returned to the bedroom, where Shota was still sleeping soundly. He let him be, not finding it in him to disturb that cute sleeping face.

He opened the closet to choose his clothes for the day when his phone rang. He hurried to take it to not wake Shota up. For the rash, though, he rejected the call by mistake.

“Damn it,” he cursed, already tapping on his phone to call back Raul. Before he could do that, though, he heard some shifting sounds coming from the bed and when he threw a glance over his shoulder, he saw Shota sluggishly sitting up. “Ah, Watanabe-kun, good morning.”

“Meme…” Shota mumbled, before gazing at him and then widening his eyes.

… Meme?

“Yes?” he replied, not really sure about what he should do. His brain was too busy repeating in his mind the ‘Meme’ he had just heard coming from the other’s mouth to focus properly at the moment.

“Ah—Meguro-kun—Sorry, I—’Morning,” the man stuttered, for some kind of reason blushing and averting his gaze.

“Everything’s okay?”

“Y-Yeah…”

“The bathroom is through the door next to my room, so if you need to go you can use it,” Ren told him, “Do you want to freshen up?”

“I’d like that, yeah,” Shota affirmed, still refusing to look in his direction. Keeping his eyes on the floor, the man stood up and walked to the door.

“Wait, Watanabe-kun,” he called him. He took a towel from his drawer and passed it to him. “Here, a towel—Also, there should be an unused toothbrush in the cabinet in the bathroom.”

Shota grabbed the towel but he suddenly lost his grip when their fingers touched, causing it to fall on the floor.

“Ah—” he moved to pick it up but stepped backwards when he noticed that Ren was doing the same. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” he said as he handed it the towel once again.

The man exited the room and Ren furrowed his eyebrows, wondering what had happened just now. When he went in front of the mirror to get ready, though, he realized to still be half-naked, with only a towel to cover himself.

“Don’t tell me…” he whispered under his breath, not holding back a giggle. “He was nervous? Because of this?”

But that couldn’t have been the case. If Ren found Shota half-naked in front of him then he would understandably get nervous, but why would it be the other way around? Why would Shota feel nervous around him? Unless… Shota wasn’t that indifferent to Ren had he instead thought he was.

That would be too good to be true, he told himself. Yet, the way Shota blushed and looked away embarrassed when he saw Ren… The way he let the towel fall just because of their contact… And that ‘Meme’ he said just after waking up when their eyes met. Could he allow himself to be that optimistic? Could he hope for more than being just acquaintances? Could Shota see him as something more than just Raul’s best friend?

If Shota were to tell him that he may feel something for him too, how would he react? Would he ask him out?

He had just understood to like Shota for real the night before, but he was already jumping on all kinds of scenarios.

What the hell am I transforming into?

He shook his head to clear his thoughts, and when he finished getting prepared and saw that Shota hadn’t returned from the bathroom yet, Ren decided to just go down to have a quick breakfast.

“Good morning,” he greeted his parents.

“Ren, finally!” said his mother, “I almost went up to call you.”

“Did you forget to set your alarm?” his father asked, while finishing his coffee.

Ren nodded, “Yeah, and since I’m running late I’ll just have bread or something.”

“You really don’t have time for a proper breakfast?” his mother said, as always out of concern for his son.

“No, sorry,” he replied, while opening the cupboard to see what he could get for him and for Shota. He honestly hoped not to have his parents find out that he brought someone in without their consent, and what’s more in the middle of the night. He is an adult, sure, but his parents wouldn’t like for him to go out at such a late hour without telling anyone.

When he turned and saw his parents staring at him with a serious gaze, though, he knew he was busted.

“So, I heard some weird sounds last night,” his father started.

“Weird sounds?” he said, still acting dumb.

“Someone went out late at night, just to return and bring another person with them. Do you have any clue?”

Ren tightened his grip around the two granola bars he had in his hands, before attempting to escape by walking away, “No clue, sorry.”

“Ren.” His father called him with a grave tone, signaling that there was no more joking around.

He stopped on the kitchen threshold and faced his parents. He bit his lips as he waited for them to speak.

“Where did you go last night? And who did you bring back to our home?”

“I—”

“It was me.”

Shota appeared from behind him, at first peeking into the kitchen from his back, and then showing himself fully, standing next to Ren.

“And who are you?” his mother eyed Shota curiously.

“I’m Watanabe Shota, I’m a friend of his,” Shota introduced himself, bowing politely, “I asked him to come fetch me last night. I couldn’t go home for—well, reasons, and Meme was kind enough to let me stay over.”

Again, ‘Meme’... Well, he could have used it so that his parents believed that Shota was indeed someone they could trust, since that was the first time they had seen him or heard his name.

And that seemed to have worked because Ren’s parents didn’t inquire about anything else, just chatted a bit with Shota, before they let them go. Ren told Shota to wait for him outside while he passed him the granola bar he took for him. Then, he went to his bedroom to take his bag and phone when he noticed that the man had left the rose shirt neatly folded on the bed, the black beret atop of it. Even Ren’s pillow was back in its place.

For some reason, that sight made him feel lonely. As if Shota had just erased all the elements that signaled that he had been there.

It didn’t sit right with him. He wouldn’t have yesterday’s happenings being canceled just like that. So, leaving behind the beret, he clutched the rose shirt that still had the other’s scent on, and went out, reaching Shota who was looking at his phone.

“You forgot this,” Ren told him, presenting in front of his eyes the shirt.

“This is not mine.”

“It is because I gave it to you.”

“You can’t take last night seriously, I’ve had a few drinks after all.”

Ren pressed the shirt on Shota’s torso, “Then, consider this as a present. It looks good on you.”

“Meme, please—Huh, Meguro-kun, come on,” Shota tried to push away Ren’s hand.

Ren took that chance to hold on to Shota’s hand and pull him closer so that he could lean in and whisper, “Please, accept this, Shota-kun.” The shorter man was dumbfounded at hearing his first name being called just like that, then Ren let the rose shirt fall into Shota’s hands while he pressed in very close and the only barrier between their bodies was their clothes and that shirt. Having Shota so close to him made his heart race. Thump after thump, his body temperature was rising, almost evoking all the sensations he had felt the night before. He parted abruptly before he could go too far.

“You look very cute in this one, it would be a waste to not give it to you.”

Shota moved his lips to say something but eventually gave up, crossing the gate of Ren’s house, “Where’s the nearest train station?”

“I’ll show you, I’m going there as well.”

“On second thought, I don’t have a mask or sunglasses so I may get recognized. I have to find another way.”

Well, if that’s the case… He bit his lips, smirking, “If you can’t take the train, I could drive you home—”

“Right! Koji!”

“What?”

“I’ll just call Koji, send him my location, and tell him to pick me up. He’s too kind to turn me down,” Shota explained.

“Are you sure of this?” Ren asked, still hoping for his idea to not burn in ashes.

“Totally,” Shota nodded. “Hurry, go take the train or you’ll be late. I can take care of myself.”

“But—”

“Just go!” Shota turned him around and placed his hands on Ren’s back to push him gently forward, “Go get that education.”

“I have soccer practice.”

“Go get that practice then.”

Ren looked at Shota one last time, before eventually giving up. Even though he wanted to stay longer with him, he had indeed a duty towards his team, and he couldn’t arrive late just some days before their match.

“Alright. See you around, Shota-kun,” Ren said, starting to walk away.

“Y—Yeah, Meguro-kun, see you.”

He laughed out loud when the man kept on refusing to call him by his nickname, even if he spontaneously did before. Shota was surely someone who got embarrassed way too easily – well, when he was sober at least.

When he checked that Shota was already talking over the phone, Ren didn’t look back anymore and took the street which led to the train station. He would have denied it if he said that he didn’t feel like skipping that morning though.

— — — — — — — — —

Ren exited the locker room with his phone in his hands, ready to contact Raul who he still hadn’t called back.

“Meme! You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry about earlier, I accidentally rejected your call.”

“Then why didn’t you call me back?”

“I was… caught up in something,” he said, adding an explanation right after, “There was Watanabe-kun at mine, and I woke up late so I hurried to get ready. I arrived just some minutes before practice so only now—”

“What did you just say?”

Ren furrowed his eyebrows, “What? What’s wrong?”

“You said that Shoppi was at your house? So early in the morning?” Raul was genuinely surprised.

Even though the other couldn’t see him, Ren found himself nodding, before explaining everything that had gone down the night before. Sakuma’s call, Shota asleep in the car, but purposely omitting everything that happened in Ren’s bedroom.

“He said that Mukai-kun would come fetch him so we parted.”

Raul stayed silent for a while, something unusual for him. As he was about to ask his friend if he were still there, Ren heard his coach calling for him from the field, where he was checking what looked like his agenda.

“Raul, the coach’s calling for me, I gotta go.”

“Ah—Yeah, sure. I’ll call you tonight.”

“Okay,” he said, closing the call.

So he was still on the phone, I wonder why he wasn’t speaking. He just dismissed that thought though, since his friend could have been doing something at the moment — Raul should have been at the university as well after all.

“Coach, what is it?” he said once he reached the man.

“About that interview you asked me,” his coach started and by his tone, Ren wasn’t definitely liking where this was going. “Was that next week? I don’t think I can make it. Something came up with my family so I’m afraid I can’t make time for you.”

“We can do it the week after in case,” Ren suggested.

“I don’t want to cause a delay in your assignment, it looks like something which requires time. I think it’s better if you ask someone else, I would feel bad if you had to run after me.”

Ren insisted a few more times, but after the umpteenth apology, he could only agree with his coach, before going away troubled. Around him there was literally no one who he could interview aside from his coach, so he was now at a loss.

His coach was right, Ren needed a lot of time to work on his interview so the man’s situation could have slowed him down, but he at least had someone to work with. Now he didn’t even have that, so he was back at the starting point.

At that moment, his phone rang, and Ren answered without checking who was calling.

“What is it, Raul? What did you forget?”

“I’m actually Sakuma,” a cheerful voice came from the other line, “So, what? Only Raul is allowed to call you?”

Ren chuckled, “No, but he’s indeed the one who calls me up the most.”

“As expected!” Sakuma chirped. “Since we’re talking about him, can I ask you something?”

The sudden change of tone alarmed him.

“Yeah, what happened?” he immediately inquired.

“Raul told Koji and I to meet up for lunch, and when I asked if I could invite you he refused. Has something happened between you two?”

“No, I actually just talked to him on the phone. We didn’t argue or anything of the sort,” he replied, having no clue what was going on Raul’s end.

Sakuma hummed, pensively, “I see~”

It was Ren’s turn to question the other, “Did he sound upset on the phone?”

“Not really, but his tone sounded urgent. That’s why I thought that he may have fought with you when he said that I couldn’t invite you.”

“Maybe he just doesn’t want you guys to disturb me—Or, it could just be a whole plan to keep me away from you.”

“Are you telling me…” Sakuma started, slowly, before bursting at the end, “That Raul’s jealous?!”

Ren had to take his phone away from his ear, “For once, can you talk with a normal tone?”

“You’re telling me that Raul is jealous of us and I should stay calm?!” Sakuma retorted, all excited.

“I’m not telling you anything. I’m just joking over here. I’m sure he’s got his reasons, you’ll know once you meet him, right?”

“I guess I’ll keep you posted then.”

“Sure.”

Checking his watch, Ren saw that it was already half past 10 am. He should really sit somewhere and think about what to do with the assignment, the faster he finds a solution the better. The sole thought of that made him sigh heavily.

“Meme, what’s wrong?” Sakuma immediately picked up on Ren’s restlessness.

“Just some usual unexpected event that’s going to bother me for a while.”

“Eh?!” the man exclaimed, worried.

“Don’t worry, it’s just some assignment,” he reassured the other. “It’s for Kagawa-san’s course. We have to do an interview.”

“Ah! I see she’s still doing that,” Sakuma commented, “I ended up interviewing my granny and wrote about the changes between the Showa era and Heisei era. It was very plain but my granny had interesting stories, so I somehow passed the assignment.”

“That could be an option indeed,” Ren reasoned, more to himself than to the other.

Even though it wouldn’t be an interesting topic, it would still mean being able to finish the assignment, something that had now become his main priority.

“What do you mean?”

“I had wanted to interview my soccer coach, but some family matters came up for him, so…” he trailed off, knowing that he didn’t need to finish the sentence for the other to understand.

“That sucks—Wait,” Sakuma stopped and stayed silent for a few seconds. He had been knowing Sakuma for nearly two weeks, and he already understood that the man’s brain was up to something when that happened. And indeed, Sakuma came up with an idea in that span of time, “Interview me!”

“What?”

“Interview me!” Sakuma repeated.

“Again, what?” Ren asked once more, astonished.

Sakuma whined, before listing all the reasons why he would be perfect for the task. “What’s the problem? It will surely be an engrossing interview. I have so much to talk about! Music, Snow Man, our debut, and if that isn’t enough, there’s also my other side as an otaku!”

“I don’t know, Sakuma-kun, I’m not that well-prepared on either you or the music scene,” he admitted.

“You can ask Raul for help when it comes to Snow Man, and I can help you with the rest. And if you need pictures, Koji could lend you his camera!”

Nothing had been decided and yet Sakuma was already running ahead of everyone, planning and giving everyone a role.

“Sakuma-kun, wait, you’re going too fast,” he had to block him because the man was talking non-stop and he couldn’t find a way to insert himself in that monologue.

“I owe you one for yesterday, so I’d be more than glad to do that. Also, I think it could be a good way to promote Snow Man, don’t you think?”

“No doubt about it…”

“So?” Sakuma urged.

Well, Ren didn’t have many choices. He could have chosen the plain way and do the same as Sakuma, interviewing one of his grandparents, or try his luck asking around for someone who looked like having a story to tell. Or, he could take the chance that Sakuma was giving him, write a captivating article and have the students read it without thinking that it was boring or else. Sakuma was bound to be interesting after all – and if in the process he ended up helping Snow Man, then that would have been a win-win situation.

“Alright, it’s settled then,” he accepted at last.

“Great! Yay!” Even though he couldn’t see him, Ren could imagine the pink-haired man waving his hands in the air in victory. “When should we do it? This Saturday?”

“I have a match that day actually.”

“Sunday then?”

“That works for me.”

“See you on Sunday then—No wait, can I come to your match on Saturday? I want to see you play!”

Ren was really amused by how much enthusiasm Sakuma seemed to have for literally everything. “You can, of course. Raul’s coming as well.”

“That’s great, see you on Saturday then!”

“See you.”

Ren was left staring at his phone, a slight headache due to Sakuma’s loud voice which he was still not used to, but surely with one less thing to worry about. He should really treat Sakuma to something one day to thank him for having saved his assignment.

At this point, Ren changed his route and instead of sitting down to find a solution, his next step had to be the music shop to get more knowledge before Sunday, so he could have an outline to follow when interviewing Sakuma. And after the music shop, his strongest weapon: Raul—In the meantime, he could also find out what that secret lunch was all about.

— — — — — — — — —

“Meguro-kun!”

Stopping on the threshold of the locker room, Ren turned toward his coach. “Yes?”

“I just wanted to apologize again for the interview. Did you find someone already?”

“I did, and no need to apologize, coach. Rather, I hope your family is doing fine.”

The older man smiled, “Thank you, Meguro-kun. But come on now, change and go warm up with the others, the match will start soon.”

Ren gave him a nod and entered the locker room. To be honest, he had been so focused on his research for Sakuma’s interview that he couldn’t even think properly about today’s match. He did as much as he could, but he couldn’t deny that he didn’t study his rivals as much as he would do under normal circumstances.

Nevertheless, his coach had taught them everything they needed to know about the other team, so he should have been fine. He knew what to do to score them a goal, so he just needed to believe in his skill and trust his teammates.

He stepped onto the field to join the others for the warm-up. Their faces were all tensed up yet focused. It was a state where they knew that their rivals were strong but there was also the awareness that they have what it takes to win.

Throwing a glance onto the other side of the field, Ren watched the other team’s warm-up. They looked way more relaxed than them, but it was clear that they weren’t resting on their laurels since from time to time they would peek at them, analyzing their movements.

An arm was thrown over Ren’s shoulder at that moment and he didn’t even need to turn around to know who it was.

“Hara, what is it?”

“I’ll pass you tons of balls today, be prepared.”

“You’re a striker as well, Hara,” Ren reminded him, “If you can score then go for it.”

“But you’re our ace—”

“But we’re a team, so don’t bet everything on me.”

Hara sighed but eventually gave a thumbs up to Ren before walking away and informing him that his friends had arrived. “Raul’s here by the way, and he brought along two other people. You may want to greet them now before the match.”

“Thanks.”

Ren furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he watched Hara going to do some stretching. Two? From what he understood, only Sakuma would have joined Raul and watched his match, so he was completely lost while wondering who this other person could be. Who could be interested in watching Ren’s match?

Maybe that Raul’s friend from university? Or Sakuma’s? Or maybe someone from Snow Man?

Someone from Snow Man…

He held his breath as he turned towards the bleachers and started walking, searching with his eyes for three familiar figures. He didn’t want to raise his hopes up because it would have hurt damn much if that third person wasn’t whom he wished for, but his heart couldn’t help to pray for that.

And then he saw Raul’s hand in the air, waving at him so that Ren could see him. His eyes moved to the person next to him, Sakuma, who had stood up and flashed him a bright smile, as he too waved at him energetically. He gulped as he looked at the one next to Sakuma, but he found himself releasing the breath he had been holding when he saw Koji with a camera in his hands, smiling at him.

Not that he didn’t like Koji, he had found him quite nice to have around during the party at D.D. but… well, it wasn’t him.

“Meme!” Raul exclaimed as soon as he was in front of them. “We’ll be cheering you on!”

“Leave it to us to send you all our power to get you to the goal,” Sakuma said, patting his chest with his fist. Then, he pointed to Koji, “I hope you don’t mind that I invited him as well.”

“Not at all,” he reassured him, then to Koji, “It has been a while, Mukai-kun.”

“Indeed. We could have met the other day if you didn’t have morning practice though,” Koji commented, and for a moment Ren was lost at what he was hinting at. The man understood that and added, “You know, when I went to pick Shoppi up after your sleepover.”

“Ah, right—Thanks for that, by the way,” he said, grinning.

“So? Did Shoppi do anything weird?” the man continued.

Koji leaned in while Raul and Sakuma stared at him with their eyes open and alert, as if an incredible fact had to come out of Ren’s mouth and they needed to be fast enough to catch it.

“W-Why?” he found himself stuttering under that much attention.

“Well, when he drinks he’s a bit different, so I was curious. It’s kinda funny every time,” Koji explained.

“Ah, I see. Well…” he trailed off.

If Shota did anything weird? Weird as in wearing his clothes and almost kissing him? Weird as in acting as if the sight of a half-naked Ren struck him so much to let fall on the ground the towel he was passing him just because of a brush of their fingers? Weird as in making Ren imagine that maybe, just maybe, he had an effect on Shota as well?

If that was the case, then yes, Shota had been extremely weird, but since all this could just be in his mind – and even if not, Ren would have never told those three gossippers about it – he pretended that nothing much had happened.

“Not really, he just crashed on my bed and slept hugging my pillow.”

“Ah, yeah, he needs to hug something when sleeping,” Koji said, as if he were analyzing the situation and taking notes in his mind.

“Rather,” Ren started, choosing to send back that attention to the other three and be the one to launch an inquiry. “How was your secret lunch yesterday?”

The three stumbled on their words, all overlapping each other, acting very suspiciously if he must say. In the end, it was Raul who talked for everyone.

“It wasn’t a secret lunch. I just didn’t want them to disturb you since you’ve been very busy recently, and who knows that more than I do?”

The smiles that the other three were giving him weren’t that convincing, but he let it slip, since if they were really up to something, then he would know it soon. Raul wasn’t good at keeping secrets with him, and as for Sakuma and Koji, judging by today’s behavior, they didn’t seem that good at lying.

“Alright, got it.”

“Rather,” Raul started, quoting him, “How does it look? You said that this team was very strong right? Think you can win today?”

“Well, I have faith in my team, but it’s going to be difficult. We may lose.”

“Is that the right attitude to take on a rival team?”

Ren’s head snapped to his right at the hearing of that familiar voice. Climbing the bleachers to go sit next to Koji, Shota was holding a water bottle which then got passed to Sakuma.

“You’re here too,” Ren commented, too surprised to elaborate more on his thoughts. Shota was actually there, and it wasn’t just a fantasy of his, a wild dream or else. It was the reality. Shota was there in flesh and bones to see him play.

“Raul invited me. Also, Sakuma said that he and Koji were going as well, and it’s not like I had much to do at home anyway, so…” the man answered, holding Ren’s gaze for just a few seconds.

“You’re a lucky guy, you know that?” Koji pointed at him, “Shoppi isn’t the type to just go anywhere. He’s an exclusive fellow.”

Sakuma followed right after. “Yeah! The fact that he’s here means a lot.”

Raul was the last one to add a sentence that was the cherry on top to fuel Ren’s satisfaction. “And Shoppi doesn’t even like soccer in the first place…”

Ren couldn’t stop the wide, happy smile that had formed on his face. Shota accepted to come to see the match even if he didn’t like soccer, even if Ren should just be an acquaintance for him, even if he chose carefully where and with whom to hang out. All this information was too much to handle for his poor heart that was in desperate search of the green light to go start pursuing Shota.

And the fact that the man was reacting in such an embarrassing way to this sudden teasing made him think that what he thought the other day could be true. That possibly Shota wasn’t all that indifferent towards him, and so, he gathered his courage to shoot his shot.

“If that’s so, then I’ll score a goal for you, Shota-kun.”

Shota froze as Ren called him by his first name, like that morning in front of his house, and he could swear to have seen Raul and Sakuma exchange a quick glance between each other.

“I—I doubt you can do it since you don’t seem to have any fighting spirit, Mem—Meguro-kun.” The man stuttered at first, before continuing in a low voice as if he didn’t trust himself to keep a normal tone.

Can’t really bring himself to call me like that, and to think that the first time it came out so naturally… Maybe because we were alone? He reasoned while watching Shota clearly checking on the others to see if they had caught that ‘Meme’ that was going to come out of his lips.

He put that matter aside and continued the conversation.

“I’ll do it, and I’ll also win this match,” he snapped back, confident of his own skills. Adding up to that, his pride and eagerness to impress Shota would have surely helped a lot.

Shota was still wearing a skeptical face, so Ren decided to play along and see how far he could push him.

“Alright, since you don’t think I can do that, let’s make a bet.”

“A bet?”

“Yeah,” he crossed his arms and smirked, “If I lose, I’ll satisfy any request you might have. If I win though…”

Shota returned the smile with the same intensity, that bet having taken his interest completely. “What? Shoot it.”

Leaning in, Ren stared right into the other’s eyes, “You’ll call me ‘Meme’ even in front of other people.”

Visibly taken aback, Shota was speechless while their friends gasped loudly.

“Wait, he calls you that?!” Sakuma exclaimed.

“I don’t!”

“When we were alone he did, but he immediately corrected himself,” Ren told the others, and then having his eyes back on Shota, “Wish he could muster up the courage to do that even with other people… he’s cute even when flustered.”

If glares could kill, then Ren would have been murdered by Shota at that moment. There were flames in his eyes but the red on his cheeks was surely not caused by that.

“The bet’s official then. Meme, best of luck,” Koji announced without wasting time.

“I didn’t agree to anything,” Shota complained, now directing his death glare towards Koji, who looked totally unaffected though – probably having experienced that many times already.

“Are you afraid that I’ll win? Earlier, you looked rather confident of my loss.”

Shota narrowed his eyes at him, and Ren considered the possibility of the other currently cursing him in his mind in all existing languages. However, if he really did want to crush the wall that Shota built for himself, he had to push forward. Of course, he didn’t want to force anything between them, but by now he had confirmed that Shota was unquestionably someone who needs to be led, a person who needs to be nudged before taking an action. The first move had to be on Ren.

Under the three pairs of excited eyes that were staring at them, Shota stood up from his seat, looked at Ren without wavering, and stretched out his hand. Ren peeked at it before taking it.

“Deal,” Shota declared.

The referee blew the final whistle of the match and Ren felt a huge relief invading his body, his heart becoming lighter without the weight that had been resting on it for the last 90 minutes. He looked at the scoreboard at the far end of the field, to be sure that his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him.

The final score wasn’t fading. The numbers were beaming in bright colors. Everything was true. They won.

3-2 was the final score. Two goals from Ren and one from Hara, who was now running towards him to throw himself at him, and he gladly returned the hug. At that moment, Ren also took the chance to glance at the bleachers where his friends were celebrating. Especially Shota, who apparently remembered the bet only when the other three looked at him with amused grins. The man looked at him then, meeting his gaze, and brought his hands to his hair while he grimaced, having realized that he lost the bet. Ren laughed at that sight before Hara dragged him to shake hands with their rivals.

It was all very exciting for him. Their hard work had paid off, he had scored some goals, their teammates had done a great job as well, and to top it all he had shown Shota what he was made of. That if he wanted something then he would have got it.

All those things put together were keeping him elated. Not even the cold shower he took could calm him down, so he was still very hyper when putting back all his stuff into his bag to leave.

“Where are you rushing to?” Hara asked upon seeing his haste.

“I’ve got something to do.”

“But we’re all going to celebrate tonight.”

Ren threw his bag over his shoulder and patted Hara on the back a few times, “I’ll make up for it.”

He was already out of the locker room when Hara went after him.

“Wait, Meme!”

Turning, he saw Hara holding a soccer ball.

“This is the match’s ball. All the team agreed to give it to you.”

“Guys, but—”

Hara pushed the ball onto him, shushing him, “No buts. You were the MVP so you deserve it. If you don’t want it, you can always give it to whomever you’re going to meet with.”

Ren became still as he heard that. He questioned Hara with his gaze, silently asking him how he could have even gotten that.

“You’re my friend, Meme, and you’re not as elusive as you think you are. The sparkle in your eyes gives it away.”

For all this time he thought that he could hide his feelings well, but evidently, he was doing a very bad job at that. Was it because Hara was just very good at reading people? Or was it that obvious that Ren was currently going through a full-on crush?

Ren bit his lips, “I—Is that obvious?”

It was Hara’s turn to pat Ren’s back. “A bit, but just because I know you. Now, go, you’re making them wait.”

Nodding, Ren exchanged a fist bump with Hara, before dropping the soccer ball in his duffel bag and going away, running towards the bleachers. He frowned when he didn’t see the others but after much surveying, his eyes found their figures at the exit of the soccer field.

“Hey!” he shouted when he was still running in their direction.

Raul waited for him with his hands in the air, ready for a high five, which he gave him as soon as he was there.

“You were so cool out there! I didn’t know you were so good at soccer!” Sakuma said, almost jumping around in excitement.

Then, Sakuma and Koji started to list all the plays they liked or found incredible, going as far as mimicking them. He could swear that they were even more fired up than he was, which was impressive since Ren had never been in such high spirits before.

“Isn’t my best friend the best?” Raul asked rhetorically, circling an arm around Ren and bringing him closer to him. “Right, Shoppi?”

“Ah, yeah! Meme is amazing, isn’t he?” Sakuma prompted Shota as well.

“Meme’s something else, right, Shoppi? Meme’s out of this world,” followed Koji.

Shota rolled his eyes and glanced to his side while whispering, “He was cool.”

“Who was cool?” Sakuma insisted and he received the second death glare of that day.

However, Shota gave in in the end. “Meme.”

The other three rejoiced when the man finally said it, while Ren couldn’t help but smile satisfied. Shota was refusing to look at him, too embarrassed to meet his eyes, but Ren did notice how he would peek at him from time to time from under his fringe while Raul, Sakuma, and Koji resumed talking about the match.

“Next time let’s bring everyone else. I’m sure Teru-nii will like it.”

“Sure! I’ll let you know when Meme’s next match will be then.”

Ren frowned at his friend, “Shouldn’t I be the one to inform them?”

“That’s true, you aren’t his official spokesperson,” Sakuma backed him up, “Meme can just text me.”

“You have his contact?” Shota asked, joining back the conversation out of nowhere.

His bandmate blinked his eyes at him, surprised by Shota’s inquisitive gaze, “Yeah, how could I’ve called him to pick us up otherwise?”

“Right…” Shota nodded, “So, you two are close now?”

Sakuma beamed and skipped towards Ren’s side, hugging him by his waist, “Looks like it!”

“You can always make friends with anyone, huh,” Shota chuckled, but somehow, to Ren, the man didn’t seem that happy or delighted by that.

“You would as well if you didn’t scare people away.”

“I don’t scare people away.”

Sakuma looked up to meet Ren’s eyes to catch his attention. “Doesn’t he?”

“Well, a bit, yeah, but he’s got a very cute side to him if you just make the effort to spend some time with him,” Ren replied honestly, not holding back the fond smile that cracked as soon as he saw Shota’s blushing cheeks.

“But spending time with him might be difficult, you could get hurt,” Koji pointed out.

Ren replied without missing a beat. “It’s totally worth it.”

After that, Ren didn’t really understand what had gone down.

Shota was about to say something back, probably a joke or anything else that could have changed the flirty atmosphere radiating from Ren, when they heard someone in the distance saying something along the lines of ‘Aren’t they Snow Man?!’ Unfortunately, that person’s tone wasn’t that low, and since the match had finished right some minutes before the end of the afternoon classes, there were a lot of students passing by.

It was just a matter of seconds, phones were fished out from bags and jeans’ pockets, set to either camera or video, while thrilled chatter became louder and louder around them.

Koji suggested something about splitting up so that hopefully the crowd would scatter and decrease. The others agreed and he felt Sakuma’s hands pushing him towards Shota while Raul told him to drive him back home. He didn’t oppose that – not like he wanted to anyway – and so clasped a hand around Shota’s forearm. The man was too busy putting a mask on and a hat, and generally panicking about that situation to fight that decision. He let Ren drag him along, while the other three went in the opposite direction.

Ren watched one last time their friends. Koji and Sakuma waved at some people while Raul did his best to not have his face recorded, hiding in the best way he could with his cup.

Shota was instead looking at the ground, acknowledging the strangers with a sign of his hand only if he heard his name called. Ren realized at that moment that he didn’t have anything with him to use to cover himself, so he copied the other and directed his gaze downward.

It took them a while to reach the car parking and get in Ren’s car, but luckily the horde of people dissolved after a bit, so no one should have seen them after. Nonetheless, better be safe than sorry, so Ren hurried to start his car and leave the campus.

Shota inserted his address on Ren’s GPS as per what he was told, before typing on his phone while Ren accessed the main street.

“Raul says that they’re in Koji’s car and that no one followed them, so everything’s alright.”

“Good, that’s a relief.”

Shota clicked his tongue, “Damn it. I’m really sorry about that. I’ll look up on Twitter and see if you guys can be seen in the videos and photos.”

“Don’t worry, everyone would be too engrossed in you guys to notice us anyway.”

“Still,” Shota insisted. “It’s our fault. We totally forgot to wear disguises after the match ended.”

Ren found himself chuckling. “You’ve started to talk like a rockstar.”

“I’m no rockstar but the number of people who know us is fairly growing due to debut promotion.”

He repeated that sentence in his mind, sensing a flaw or something amiss, which then he found. “Due to? Not thanks to?”

Shota sighed heavily. “Listen, don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity they gave us. We longed for this debut more than anything else, but there’s a lot to take in.”

Those words made Ren remember that night at D.D. when Shota was expressing the same distress.

“Everything that the debut implied,” he said that day, and maybe he had meant all the fame that comes with it. But he couldn’t know for sure, since the man didn’t highlight anything but just spoke generically. Truth to be told, though, at the time they had barely known each other for some hours, but now it was different. They had grown closer, and perhaps Shota would open up and let him know what was bothering him.

After all, by now he liked him to the extent of not only desiring to do couple-ish things with him. Ren wanted to support him, to help him sort out his problems. He wanted to be the shoulder he could lean on.

“What’s this ‘a lot’ you talk about? Hasn’t it been bothering you for quite a while?” so he asked, hoping to not sound too prying.

“Yeah… It’s been months.”

“A true pain in the neck.”

“For real.”

Ren didn’t say anything after, since Shota was still being vague. Probably it was something he preferred to keep to himself, so he didn’t push him to talk about it. However, after some seconds of silence, it was Shota himself the one to bring back the topic Ren dropped.

“It’s just that I’m being pressured for so many things. Debuting means that now we’ve gotta be serious and make numbers, we need to take first place so that our agency doesn’t drop us. We still can’t decide which song to pick so we’re working on three different pieces at the same time. In all this, I need to be careful when going out because I might get spotted and people could post my whereabouts online… I should feel hyped but it feels like I’m going through a trying time rather than, like, a honeymoon if that makes sense.”

“Yes, it makes sense,” he assured him. “What’s happening to you guys is a complete change in your life. You’ll no longer make music just for yourselves, or for fun. They won’t have to only resonate with your fans but also with the general public. And your agency surely expects you to be the next best-selling artist in Japan. Should I be in your place, I don’t know if I could have put up with all that.”

They came to a halt when Ren had to stop at a traffic light. He took that chance to look at Shota, who appeared to be surprised at Ren’s words. He raised an eyebrow in question, and Shota shook his head.

“Nothing, sorry, I just—You just explained perfectly what’s going on. I didn’t expect you to know,” the man explained before an idea flashed through his eyes as he shot an inquiring look at Ren. “Was it Raul who told you all this?”

Ren burst out laughing at that, since it appeared that the only source of information about Snow Man he could have was his best friend. It was kind of amazing how Raul had built a reputation for himself as a Snow Man fan, as if he had a PhD. in that or something.

“Why are you laughing? My question is legit,” Shota said, looking confused.

“I know, I know,” he replied while the traffic light was green again and he set off. “I have to interview Sakuma-kun for a project tomorrow, so I studied.”

“That explains it.”

“I’m not at Raul’s level yet, but I’m quite knowledgeable,” he affirmed with a bit of pride in his voice. He was very satisfied with how his work came out. Despite the short time he had available, he managed to prepare a fairly good interview, so he was feeling positive for tomorrow. “It’s for an assignment. My soccer coach canceled on me, and Sakuma-kun offered himself.”

“Of course he would, he would go to any extent to spread his otaku agenda.”

“He actually wanted to repay me for having come to your rescue, but that could also be true. I’ll make sure to keep the nerd column to a minimum.”

“When he starts talking about anime and his waifus he doesn’t stop. Just like Fukka with that Pokémon trading card game and his collection.”

“Fukazawa-kun is a nerd as well?” Ren asked, surprised. Somehow, he had imagined him a little differently the last time he saw him, and since Raul didn’t know much about him as well, there wasn’t much Ren knew about the former bassist of Snow Man.

“Oh, he totally is,” Shota laughed out loud, “I had to line up with him for 3 whole hours once because of some special release. Another time, we spent an entire afternoon tearing apart packs and packs of cards in search of his desired card which we eventually found. But what I remember the most was when he signed up for a tournament in Fukuoka and I had to accompany him—I stayed a full day sitting on the bleachers watching people playing a game I never really understood, but he got third place, so at least it wasn’t in vain.”

Shota talking non-stop like that was actually a first. He didn’t seem like someone to ramble on and on about something – well, maybe just beauty products since he loved them – but evidently it wasn’t the case this time. Fukazawa must have been a very important member of Snow Man since they clearly held him dearly. Ren only needed to glance one fast second at Shota’s wide smile to get that.

“Watching something you don’t really get must have been tiresome, but if you do that for someone important, then it’s all worth it.”

Like a soccer match… he couldn’t help but think.

“Right…” Shota said in a low tone, still lost in his memories.

“Were you two alone? You didn’t have anyone with you while watching Fukazawa-kun compete?”

“No, I was—” A sudden pause stopped Shota mid-sentence. He continued some seconds after, “There was Hikaru with me—with us.”

“The others couldn’t go?”

He heard Shota sinking into his seat and for a moment he thought to have bothered him with all his questions. But then the man replied, said something about some things they had to do that made it impossible for them to join the trip, and then moved on to talk about their sighting on Twitter, telling him that luckily Raul and his faces weren’t very clear in those videos and pictures.

The time after that was spent with Shota scrolling through social media and reading out loud some tweets from time to time, either funny ones or the ones which interested him – like one pointing out that the guy next to him looked like his bodyguard for the way he was pulling Shota along.

They reached Shota’s home when the sun was already setting and the sky was a vivid, bright orange.

“Thanks, Meme,” Shota said, removing his seatbelt.

“Finally you said it in a natural way.”

“I lost the bet anyway, didn’t I?”

He nodded while searching for any other reason he might have to keep Shota in his car just one second more. Despite racking his brains with all he got, Ren couldn’t find anything and had to bid Shota goodbye, watching him enter his apartment complex. The only thing that stated that Shota had been in his car was the perfume that was still lingering in the air.

— — — — — — — — —

Ren dropped his bag and notes on the passenger seat as he prepared to head off for the place Sakuma had chosen to meet at.

That morning, the man had sent the address of a certain spot that according to him, no one really visited, and that was also a special place to Snow Man. Since Sakuma was going to bring even Koji’s camera, Ren figured that it would be a very nice idea to hold the interview and take some pictures in a quiet place that at the same time carried a certain meaning for the group.

He was really grateful for all the thought Sakuma was putting into this interview, so he was even more determined to create a good article for him. He was so glad that he was even thinking of giving more space to the otaku talk the man would surely start.

“I’ll guess it won’t hurt to give that more lines,” he contemplated. He had studied Sakuma so well that he knew the works he was a bigger fan of, so he reasoned on which one he should focus more. “Maybe that game with the horse-girls? I could ask him about their music—Ah! I could connect that to Love! Live! then.”

He would have liked to spend his time listing his questions, but Meguro Ren couldn’t focus on both the road and his thoughts, so he had to stop at some point – even if the day before he looked perfectly fine while driving and at the same time holding a conversation with Shota.

Ren parked his car and got off, before climbing the stairs to a hill that had a small shrine on top. Looking around, he noticed that the man hadn’t arrived yet, so he searched for a place where they could sit, and found a bench just below a canopy.

There was an astonishing view from up there. The temple was higher than the rest of the neighborhood, so all the houses could be seen from above. Aside from the priest who was sweeping the fallen leaves on the ground at the main entrance, no one else was around and Ren understood what Sakuma meant with ‘remote and quiet’ when he described the place.

The gentle breeze caused a leaf to land on Ren’s head. He got it out of his hair and saw how the leaf’s ends were slightly yellowish.

“Right, we’re in October.”

With his soccer practice, his exam, and the whole Snow Man – Shota – bubble he had been in recently, he didn’t even realize that time was passing by this fast. Yet, if he thought back on that concert he attended at the end of August, it felt like it had been ages and not just a couple of months ago. Was this what Raul meant by losing the sense of time when you’re too focused on something or someone?

The leaf he was holding in his hands was lifted in the air by the wind again, making it fly to Ren’s left. He followed it with his eyes and saw that someone was approaching him. That person was quite far away but even if he couldn’t distinguish the stranger’s facial features, Ren was sure that it wasn’t Sakuma.

The man was wearing a baseball cap, a leather jacket, and a pair of white sneakers. Ren stared closely at the other, but it was only when his eyes caught a rose shirt under the jacket and a mole next to the man’s lips, that he did understand who was walking towards him.

“Shota-kun?” he mumbled, in disbelief.

“Yo, long time no see, huh,” the man greeted, joking. “Sakuma didn’t tell you that I would fill in for him?”

Ren was so dumbfounded that he only shook his head to say no.

Shota sighed as he crashed on the bench next to Ren. “That guy, seriously,” he clicked his tongue, “He told me that a concert or something like that was announced this morning and that he had to go to line up to book the ticket. He didn’t give me any more details about it, which was very suspicious considering how he would usually keep me on the phone for hours, but I guess he was really in a hurry.”

If he had to be honest, nothing of what Shota said was being processed in his brain. Even though he should have been used to Shota’s presence by now, he was still taken aback to find him there when he wasn’t supposed to, so he couldn’t help the nervousness that rose in his body.

“I told him that you would be happier with someone who really had something to talk about, like Hikaru or Abe-chan, but he insisted that I would be fine. Sorry about that.”

“No, I’m happy with you—I mean I’m fine with you, it’s fine, totally fine,” he stumbled on his words repeatedly, causing the other to blink his eyes at him since such behavior from Ren was odd. Fumbling with his notes, Ren tried to focus, “All the questions about your journey, both as a person and as a member of Snow Man can be used. We just have to change the Sakuma-related parts which were about bass, his otaku side, and the formation of Snow Man.”

“You think you can make something out of this?”

“I can,” he affirmed firmly.

“Then, it’s yours to lead,” Shota said, before adding, “Well, when it isn’t, though.”

They laughed out loud as they sat more comfortably on the bench, while Ren unlocked his phone to start his recording. He was still going to take notes, but having a recording of the interview would have made for a more complete job.

They started from what Ren could say to know already. Shota’s journey in singing. The man was kind enough to tell Ren once again his story, and this time even adding some details and happenings he didn’t narrate before.

After, they moved to Snow Man and how he joined. From what he had gathered during his research, the four founding members of Snow Man had seen him singing at the school festival for his class’ show, and decided immediately that he was the one who had to be the group’s vocalist. His voice captured their interest and they invited him to join right after the show. However, Shota turned them down. Snow Man didn’t give up though, and kept on pleading with him for months until one day he accepted to perform with them for the show the school’s music club put on. It was after all the days of practice they had and after that show, that he finally accepted to join them.

He had intended to ask Sakuma why it had been so difficult to recruit Shota, but now he had the person himself reply – definitely a lucky day for Ren.

Shota told him all about his insecurities. How he didn’t feel that was passionate enough to join Snow Man, because unlike them who were taking music seriously, he was singing just out of duty. He thought that he didn’t deserve to share the stage with them. Also, there was a part of him that was considering the idea of quitting singing, so joining a group would have made his situation unbearable.

But when he got to experience what it meant to perform with a band, to perform with them, his world went upside down and for the first time in his life he had fun singing. So, when Sakuma asked him once again to join them, he finally accepted, and Ren couldn’t thank Shota’s past self enough, because if he hadn’t done that, then all the events that had happened after that wouldn’t have come to life.

Snow Man could have disbanded if they weren’t able to find a vocalist. Koji wouldn’t have found a dream to work hard for. Raul wouldn’t have found such dear friends in them, and wouldn’t have told Ren about them, nor invited him to their final concert at D.D. where he met Shota for the first time. If it wasn’t for that decision, Shota wouldn’t be sitting next to Ren right now, he wouldn’t have come into his life, and Ren didn’t like that scenario at all.

“Are you listening to me?”

Ren had blanked out and lost himself in his thoughts without even realizing it.

“Sorry, I was just running the information through my mind,” he lied, not feeling like putting his heart on his sleeve and confessing his inner thoughts right at that moment. He focused on going on with the interview, averting his gaze from Shota’s mesmerizing eyes. “Alright, I guess that the pre-Snow Man era is covered like this. Next on the list would be… Fukazawa-kun’s departure.”

“What?”

Shota’s tone dropped at once and Ren really hoped that he wasn’t walking into a minefield.

“Leaving the band must have thrown the group off balance. You lost a member, and I read that there was uncertainty on Snow Man’s future. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it but I do think it’s an important event that has affected and shaped how Snow Man is at present. Not to mention that now Fukazawa-kun is back in the group…” he explained carefully, hoping that Shota would understand that he was asking about Fukazawa just out of the interview’s sake and not just to stick his nose in their personal business.

With a strained smile, Shota chuckled, “You really sound like an interviewer…”

“Should I take that as a compliment?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, before eventually taking a deep breath and replying his answer. “We all tried to stop Fukka from leaving, but he stubbornly opposed that. We were upset, lost, and frustrated. We could have continued as a four-member group without any issues, but it felt so weird to do that without Fukka.”

“Because he had been there from the start?”

Shota hummed and nodded. “He was and still is one of Snow Man’s pillars, so it was hard to make music just like that. What made it worse was that it coincided with us graduating university, so we were asking ourselves if it was for the better to just look for a normal job. In the meantime, Abe-chan had wanted to further pursue his studies and so enrolled into a master degree, and would be absent for band practices more often than not.”

Ren stopped his pen on the paper to steal a glance at Shota, who was currently clasping his hands together while he clenched his jaw. More like pain, what he saw in the other’s expression was wrath, but it didn’t seem to be directed at his other bandmates, for some kind of reason it seemed more like self-regret.

“Then, one day, we found out that Hikaru had started job hunting, and Sakuma, who had been like a leader for us up until that moment, totally lost it. As if everything that was happening had crashed all over him at once. He got mad and told us that if we were going to have the group fall apart bit by bit, then it was better to disband at once. Many things were said that day, many things we regret, but no one of us said anything about splitting up.”

“How did you reconcile then?”

Shota pointed his fingers at their surroundings. “This place.”

“This place?” he repeated.

“Hikaru called all of us here, and we had an honest talk about what to do. We all agreed that we wanted to make music, together, and so we swore to do our best to protect Snow Man.”

Finally, Shota cracked a smile, and Ren could take a sigh of relief; he hadn’t even realized that the painful memories Shota was talking about had let a tensed aura fall over them.

“That’s why this place is special to you guys,” he commented, connecting to what Sakuma had told him before.

Shota stretched his arm, and following his finger, Ren saw that the man was pointing at the temple’s stairs.

“We climbed up and down for something like a hundred times, praying to the temple every time to fulfill our wish. It was a crazy day,” he smiled fondly as he remembered it.

Then, he moved on to talk about their after-Fukazawa era. Sakuma had switched to bass, and they started looking for a guitarist to fill in the second guitar position. Hikaru happened to hear Koji, his neighbor at the time, strumming his guitar and asked him to audition for them. They liked Koji and his aura immediately so they took him in.

After that, they spent a lot of time practicing and writing songs. Later on they even began recording some demos and sending them to various agencies and record labels, hoping that someone would call them. The music industry wasn’t that easy though, and they got no reply from anyone.

It wasn’t until they received a call from an agency no one remembered to have reached out to that everything changed. They went to the scheduled meeting and finally heard the words they had always wanted to hear, ‘You’re debuting’.

As to how their demo reached that agency, it stayed a mystery until Hikaru brought Fukazawa to band practice one day. It was their first time seeing him after so long. There, they found that the two had actually kept in contact with each other, and that Fukazawa had been the one to send the demo Hikaru gave him.

At that point, they could only ask him to join them back. He had been the man behind their debut after all. However, Fukazawa was reluctant to do that, especially when the formation had now changed, so Hikaru had the idea of assigning him the role of manager – which they still lacked.

“Was it easy to have him back?”

Shota bit his lips, his gaze fixed on an indefinite point far away in the sky.

“Write that it was, that I didn’t have any second thoughts, and that I welcomed him with open arms. This should be in the interview.”

Despite his confusion, Ren still did as he was told, and wrote in his notebook those exact words. Before he could say anything, though, he was stopped by Shota leaning in and staring right into his eyes.

“But it wasn’t. I had a very hard time. Well, I still do. I had second thoughts about it and even though I do think that he belongs to Snow Man just as much as Snow Man belongs to him, I still find myself wondering if this was the right choice—And no, no one knows this.”

Shota’s gaze was serious, piercing, and Ren could sense all the tribulation that his words were carrying. Although he didn’t know why Fukazawa had left, it was clear it had left bruises on every member of Snow Man.

To Ren’s understanding, though, it appeared like Shota was the most injured one. After all, if he didn’t say anything about his doubts over Fukazawa’s return, it meant that all the others were pretty much fine with it, and so that his feelings were out of tune with theirs. But then why did he tell Ren? He couldn’t know the true entity of those ‘personal reasons’ and yet it was fine to know that Shota had troubles accepting Fukazawa back?

He couldn’t keep the question to himself, so he let his mind speak, “Why are you telling me?”

“Because I can trust you,” Shota said without skipping a beat. “You’re the only one I can trust with this information.”

Should he celebrate? Should he be content that Shota considered him trustworthy enough to know about those private thoughts? Was it appropriate for him to scream in victory while they were holding such an important conversation?

He suppressed at his best all those urges, and put all his feelings into a simple, “Thank you.”

Shota gave him a smile, shifting on the bench and returning to look at the view in front of them. “Should we talk about the debut now? Like, the single, and how it’s coming along? I peeked at your notebook, it’s a point of the interview.”

“Ah, yes, let’s do that,” he affirmed, turning the page filled with notes to a blank one, his attention called to order.

When the debut’s part of the interview was done, Ren had to fill in with Shota-related questions, to replace the ones he was supposed to ask Sakuma. He knew vaguely about his passions thanks to Raul, so he had Shota talk about those. And finally, after 20 minutes, the interview was over. Ren stopped his phone’s recording and noticed how they had been talking for over an hour.

He managed to have very good material work, and, at the same time, a chance to get to know the man he likes better. An utterly win-win situation for him.

They stood up and stretched his limbs now sore due to the prolonged time they sat down. Shota was especially remarking how his back hurt and Ren was very close to offering him a massage if it wasn’t for the fact that he didn’t even know where he should start.

“Here,” Shota said suddenly, handing him a camera. “I had to go pick it up at Koji’s today because Sakuma wanted to bring it for you.”

“Ah, the photos, yeah,” he said, recalling the call he had with Sakuma some days before. “It would make for a more complete job if I had some photos on it I suppose.”

He grabbed the camera and began searching for some spots he could use. To get used to Koji’s camera, he started by snapping some casual shots of Shota while he was walking around. When the man approached the railing and was too lost in the view in front of him, Ren seized that chance to sneak close to him and take a picture just some inches away from his face.

Shota didn’t even notice that and by the time he turned toward him, Ren had already distanced from him. It was at that moment that Ren knew that that precise angle and position were the ones he wanted.

The only thing that bothered him was Shota’s baseball cap, which he took off and put on himself.

“Give me a smile, Shota-kun.”

“Wait, my hair’s a mess now,” the man complained. He covered the camera’s lens with his hands when he saw that Ren was still going to snap some shots. “Let me fix it a little at least.”

“Why didn’t you style your hair if you knew that I was going to take pictures anyway?”

“I was in a rush to make it to the appointment after Sakuma called, it slipped my mind,” Shota made clear, “I would have carefully combed them otherwise.”

Ren was looking at Shota through the viewfinder of the camera, hiding his smirk behind it as he teased him, “You did think about wearing my shirt though.”

“So, you noticed it.”

“Didn’t you want me to notice it?”

Caught red-handed, Shota averted his gaze and kept on fixing his hair. Ren peeked at him from behind the camera, and couldn’t help to find him cute yet again. This man had put on that rose shirt on purpose and had probably waited for Ren to comment on it the whole time, but now that he did, he shut himself and refused to meet his eyes. That sight was irresistible for Ren.

And he was tired of just teasing him while pretending that there wasn’t any other meaning behind that, that he wasn’t harboring any deeper feelings in his heart. Seeing how things were going, Shota should have been on the same page, or at least not many pages far from Ren, so he decided to aim a jab at him to cross once and for all the line that was keeping him away from Shota’s heart.

“You’re welcome to flirt with me whenever you want, there’s no need to be embarrassed.”

“What?” was the first word that came out of the man’s mouth, as his hands stopped abruptly to work on his hair and he stared at him speechless. “You said… what?”

“You heard me,” he approached him and took Shota’s chin in his hands, “Now look at me, so I can take your pictures and be done with my assignment.”

Shota could only nod, still struck by Ren’s previous words. It was written all over his face that it was eating his brain up. And when he crossed his arms and placed them over the railing, while resting his head on them, Ren was sure that Shota was thinking about that.

Looking straight into the lens, Shota’s eyes appeared pensive. It was strange because even though he looked lost in thought, Ren could feel as if being watched. As if Shota had broken the lens with his gaze and was now staring right into Ren and his soul.

His hands got sweaty and he found himself swallowing a knot in his throat he didn’t know to have. Slowly, he lowered his camera and let his eyes come into contact with Shota’s, letting his soul bare in front of him. Those eyes were making him feel things they didn’t before, and he understood immediately why.

For the first time, Shota was looking at him as if something more. Ren could see a crack through the usual wall Shota had to shield himself, and he figured out that it was now or never.

One of his hands went on the railing, inch by inch getting closer to Shota’s one. Intertwining their fingers, Ren began leaning closer, taking off the baseball cap with his free hand, the camera long forgotten and hanging loosely around his neck.

Shota wasn’t backing out, he stayed still, only his head moved a little – he lifted it up and Ren was praying with every fiber of his being that it meant what he was hoping for. That Shota was leaning in for a kiss well.

Their faces became closer and closer until the distance between them was so imperceptible that their lips would have brushed even just with the smallest movement.

The autumn breeze was blowing through Shota’s hair, causing some strands to raise and caress Ren’s forehead. He inhaled that typical sweet scent and he could feel himself going giddy. He let his nose touch the other’s and it surprised him how Shota’s skin was indeed as smooth as it looked—Maybe even more.

Before closing his eyes, Ren’s attention fell on the mole on the corner of the man’s lips which had never looked that alluring to him at that moment.

They were so close that their breaths could blend together until they actually did when Ren laid his lips on Shota’s. They were soft as he had imagined, as if he was kissing a cloud – a strawberry-flavored one if he had to be precise, but that must have been the lip balm Shota had put on before going out.

His lips weren’t particularly full, and often didn’t stand out, yet now Ren could feel them so vividly pressed against his. He didn’t resist the urge to nibble the upper lip before moving to the lower one when he was sure that Shota wasn’t resisting his touch.

When he was going to pull away to look at the other’s face and check his reaction, his lips were given the same treatment and he blanked out when he felt Shota’s teeth on his skin. Without a second thought, he leaned back into the kiss but with more intensity this time, finding Shota’s mouth ready to welcome him.

Their tongues slid against each other and even though it was just their first kiss – he would do everything in his power to not let this be the last – he was already addicted to Shota’s taste. The only thing he could think of in that dizzy state of his was that the man’s tasted so good.

He was eager to have more of it, of him, but Shota rested a hand on his chest and pushed him away gently, breaking the kiss. While Ren was looking at him still inebriated by the kiss they shared, his lips still feverish and itching to feel that touch again, Shota had his head lowered and his eyes fixed on the ground.

Ren was unable to utter anything, even just breathing was a challenge for him at that moment. It was quite bizarre how he was the one to have kissed him first and yet felt like the one whose breath was taken away.

He was going to raise Shota’s head by clasping his chin in his hands, but the man distanced himself before he could do that.

“I—I have to go,” the man stuttered, not even glancing for one second at Ren. Turning on his heel, he walked away.

Ren reacted quickly though and went after him, blocking his way by putting himself in front of him. However, when he finally met Shota’s eyes and saw bafflement mixed with turmoil, he didn’t find it in him to keep him from running away.

Shota was visibly lost and unable to hold his gaze for more than some seconds. He looked like he would like to be anywhere else but here, any place would do it as long as Ren wasn’t there.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done it,” he blurted out, feeling his heart breaking at the sight of the other man. The last thing he wanted was to make Shota uncomfortable around him, and he had always been very careful about not overdoing it. And yet this time he let himself go and went too far.

Shota gave him a nod and upon seeing that Ren wasn’t holding him back anymore, he went past him to go away.

“Forget it,” were Ren’s last words before Shota disappeared from his sight, climbing down the stairs of the temple.

He stayed still on his spot, his hands clenching in two fists while he cursed himself mentally.

Even though Shota had responded to the kiss, it could have been his body responding before he could even process what was happening, almost as in auto-pilot, while Ren knew perfectly what was going on, as he was the one who started it after all. Shota must have realized the folly made at the heat of the moment halfway, that’s why he had interrupted and broke off the kiss. And now, everything between them had become awkward. Everything that Ren had spent time building, taking things step by step, was all ruined.

Ren sat on the bench and exhaled loudly, feeling exasperated. He looked at Shota’s baseball cap that was still in his hands and placed it on his head while lowering the visor on his eyes – even if the sunrays weren’t as bright as before as some thunder clouds had shaded them.

The sunny sky had now transformed into a cloudy one, threatening to rain. Ren chuckled as he found that to be a perfect reflection of how he’s feeling right now.

— — — — — — — — —

Ren let out a loud sigh as he pressed his PC’s keyboard, trying to work on the interview without injecting too much personal feelings, as if he was writing an article over some random guy he had spoken with just once. Although he did his best, going even to the extent of pretending that he didn’t know the man talking in his recording, it was all to no avail.

He couldn’t stop his mind from picturing Shota’s face as he transcribed the recording, recalling his various expressions when he was describing his journey and his feelings. A grin, a chuckle, a sad smile, heck, he was even remembering when he scratched his nose with his thumb and when he licked his chapped lips.

If there was something that Ren had understood from that kiss was that he was really down bad for Shota. His heart would still clench at the thought of him running away. It had never been so frustrating to have hurt someone he wanted to cherish, and not have any tricks to pull off to make up for it.

If only he had his contact, then he could have at least tried to reach out to him and apologize properly. He would have accepted to even talk it out through a call if Shota didn’t want to see him. It would have been fine by him as long as they could have fixed what had broken.

But at the moment, Ren only had energy to gather all the pieces of his shattered heart, because he was powerless in that situation. He couldn’t even ask Raul or Sakuma for his contact because he feared that Shota might not have liked it. And Ren surely didn’t want to worsen the situation and weird Shota out even more.

He reached the end of the first part of the interview and stood up, his legs itching to move around to release some of the pressure that was running inside them. Ren paced in his room restlessly, but since it was failing to calm him down, he was almost getting changed to go take a run when his phone buzzed.

Meme! The guys are going to perform on Music Fair today, they’re on in less than a couple of minutes. You might want to check it out!

Ren would be lying if he had said that the main reason why he turned on his TV was not to see Shota’s face, to just know that he was alright, or at least looked alright. But he had been in front of an audience for quite some time now, so he would have for sure flashed his best smile to show that he was doing fine anyway.

And as such he appeared, as Snow Man showed up on screen, entering the studio and going to take their seats. He supposed that this was a gig their manager – Fukazawa – had managed to land them on so that they could be introduced to a larger audience even before their official debut single release. And indeed, the interview focused on how they met, the kind of music they want to do, and a brief introduction on every member. They weren’t going to sing and promote their debut song – which wasn’t even ready, as per what Shota told him last time.

When Shota talked about himself, as Ren had expected, he was perfectly calm and composed, even if he fumbled for words at some point, exposing his nervousness. Despite that, it was obvious that he had the situation under control, and his confidence was fully brought up when Snow Man got on the stage to perform after their interview.

Sakuma checked that his bass was in tune, followed by Koji and Abe, who strummed some chords on their guitars. Hikaru spun his drum sticks around as he waited for his bandmates to give him the go-ahead signal, which arrived just some seconds after.

They performed Vanishing Over. They looked extremely cool, and to Ren, it was a mystery how someone would consider them to be beginners despite delivering these top-notch shows. They really didn’t know what these guys were capable of.

This was the first time for Ren to watch Snow Man performing after knowing them personally. And they were even on TV, which made everything even more surreal. They seemed far away like that, as if he couldn’t reach them, but he had instead interacted with those people before. Heck, he even had exchanged LINE contacts with the bass player, who would text him more often than not. And… he had kissed the lead singer.

Shota looked awfully hot with that lightly styled hair, with his fringe exposing his forehead, as though forming a heart shape. He was used to seeing him with his bangs down, so even just a futile detail like his forehead showing had set him on fire. He desired that man more than he could describe in words and he had been so close to claiming him as his just some days before. And now he was left with nothing.

Somehow, a vague feeling of sadness lingered in his heart. It was the fact that he didn’t know how or when he would see Shota next. How was he putting up with it before? How did he resist the urge to run to him and hold him in his arms?

Ah, right, he thought, as Snow Man’s performance finished and they thanked everyone, before the music show ended.

Now, I don’t even know if I’m going to see him ever again.

— — — — — — — — —

Ren gave a high-five to his teammate, who entered the field in his place, as the coach asked for a switch.

“Good job, Meguro-kun, go rest,” the man told him, handing him a bottle of water.

He thanked him and went to sit next to Hara who still had yet to have his turn on that scrimmage.

“Do you think he’ll let me play?” his friend asked as soon as Ren was next to him. “There’s only 20 minutes left. I thought he was going to replace me with you to be honest.”

“He will.”

“Maybe I should ask him.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Hara turned to Ren and eyed him. Noticing that, he returned the stare.

“What? Something’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

Ren shrugged, “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Hara nudged him before leaning in to whisper so that only he could hear, “Do I have to remind you that you’re an open book to me?”

He lowered his voice as well and spoke under his breath, “If I’m that easy to read, then try me, man.”

Hara gave him a smirk before cockily declaring, “It’s about that person you went away with last time?”

Ren choked on the water he was drinking under Hara’s laughter. He coughed while looking speechless at his friend, who once again had seen right through him and understood not only that something was bothering him, but even what that was.

“You seemed off today.”

He cleared his throat before talking, “It’s nothing serious. My attention is on the match, don’t worry.”

“It’s still something that is bugging you,” Hara started, and then poked Ren’s forehead with his index finger, “This frown has been here even before the match began.”

Throwing back his head, he groaned, annoyed that he was once again proven wrong: he wasn’t that good at keeping his emotions concealed.

At this point, he could have just asked for his friend’s advice, and maybe gain another insight over this matter that hadn’t left his mind even once since Sunday.

“Hara, if you kissed someone and then the person responded, what does that make you think?”

“That they like me back…?” Hara replied, matter-of-factly.

“Right? But then that person runs away. Why?”

“Did you force them into the kiss? Did they look uncomfortable?

Ren shook his head, “No, they didn’t back out when I was leaning in.”

Hara then tilted his head to the side, a pensive frown on his face. “Maybe they thought it was a bad idea?”

“A bad idea? Why even?”

“I don’t know, man, ask them,” Hara said at last, shrugging. And, well, he was right.

He sighed, leaning back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest – or better, more like he was hugging himself to gain some comfort but trying to be cool about it and not letting it show.

“Ask them…” he chuckled sadly, “it’s not that simple.”

“How so?”

“Well, I don’t want to annoy them.”

“But wouldn’t it be better to settle things straight?” Hara reasoned, “If they didn’t like it, or they made a mistake, then they should tell you so you won’t bother them anymore.”

He nodded, mumbling, “I guess so…”

“Call them and ask to talk.”

“I don’t have their contact, and I don’t want to ask his friends.”

He heard Hara chuckling amused before smacking Ren’s head playfully, “Go meet them then! There must be a way to know where they are, isn’t there? You made the first move, might as well do even the second.”

His friend made it look so easy, but upon further analysis of his words, he realized that Hara wasn’t entirely wrong. He could have asked Sakuma what they were doing, if they were practicing and where, make up an excuse to crash there and talk with Shota.

It might be sudden for the other, true, but maybe he would see Ren’s resolution and commitment to his feelings. And even if he failed, if Shota turned him down, at least he would have gotten his answer. He could stop being trapped in this state of uncertainty which he hated the most.

“I could ask his friend to tell me where they are when the match ends,” Ren told his friend, to get a sense of how he thinks about that idea.

“Do that. You deserve an answer,” Hara encouraged him. He then placed a hand on Ren’s shoulder, “Moreover, you’re not someone who gives up easily, are you?”

He smiled and put a hand on the other’s shoulder as well, silently thanking him for his support.

— — — — — — — — —

Ren texted Sakuma as soon as their match ended. The bassist told him that they were having band practice and after he was told that it was fine to come, he ran to take the train to reach the studio Sakuma had sent him the address of.

It didn’t take long for him to arrive luckily, so he took some extra time to rehearse what he would say to Shota. He gave up almost immediately though, when his restlessness made it impossible for him to come up with anything. He would have just followed his guts, that was what he told himself.

Tightening his fingers around his shoulder’s strap so hard that his knuckles became white, Ren took a deep breath before entering the building.

There was what could be a lobby right after the front door. A couch and a vending machine next to it were the only pieces of furniture there. The walls were instead definitely more decorated, since they were filled with posters of bands and flyers of some concert. He spotted one of Snow Man as well, the one which had been going around to promote them.

He took some steps further into the room until he found himself in front of two hallways, one which continued straight ahead, while the other one was on the left. There was actually a third way Ren could take, and those were the stairs for the upper floor.

To his luck, someone came down exactly at that moment, who scanned him from head to toe.

“Never seen you here, who are you?”

“I’m Meguro Ren. I’m here for Snow Man. Sakuma-kun told me that I could come here,” he replied, as well-mannered as possible, flashing his best polite smile.

“Wait here one second,” the man said while taking the hallway to the left.

The stranger was without a doubt older than him, and even more than Snow Man. He wasn’t an old man though, he looked like he was in his early 40s judging by his still dainty features and fit body.

Ren peeked at the man and saw him opening the door of the room at the end of the hallway, and signaling someone to come out. In a matter of seconds, Sakuma’s pink hair popped up from the door and when he followed the older man’s finger and saw Ren, he assured the other that he was with them.

At that point, the man returned to him and let him inside without any issues.

“Yahoo~!” Sakuma exclaimed, as he waited for him on the threshold of the room. Then, he pointed at his jersey, “You had soccer practice?”

“Yeah, I had a scrimmage.”

“You won?”

“We did.”

Sakuma gave him a high five, “As expected from you.”

When he had finally walked through the long hallway, Sakuma let him in and announced to the others that he was there.

“Meme’s here!”

The others, who were huddled together probably to talk about their song, turned around and all greeted him with beaming smiles – even if it was still evident the surprise in their faces. The only exception was Shota who gulped at the sight of him and opened his eyes wide.

“How come you’re here? And without Raul even,” Abe asked, curious.

“Did you perhaps miss us?” Koji skipped his way towards him, giving him some puppy eyes that didn’t have any effect on him though.

“I need to talk to Shota-kun,” he declared bluntly, without wasting time.

Shota, who in the meanwhile had tried to hide by sneaking behind Hikaru’s drums, froze in his spot.

“A-About what?” he stuttered.

“I want to give you something,” he said, the only thing that he thought on the spot, since he still hadn’t come up with an excuse to go see him.

He expected the man to find some way out of that situation, but instead he eventually nodded. Fukazawa told the group to take a break then, while Shota made his way through the many cables on the floor, almost tripping on one of them – Ren’s body had leaned forward, ready to catch Shota, but Abe was faster and held Shota up.

“There’s a terrace behind that door, let’s talk there,” Shota told Ren, pointing to the door right across from their studio’s one.

So, they left the room and moved to the terrace. Shota closed the door behind him and stayed like that for a while, facing the door and showing Ren only his back. He turned several moments later.

“What is it? What do you have to give me?”

“Right—Huh—So,” he fumbled with his words, not knowing what to say now.

He ended up opening his duffel bag to check if he could have produced something out of it. However, he couldn’t find anything he could give Shota until his hands bumped into the soccer ball that his teammates had given him during their match last time.

“No buts. You were the MVP out there, so you deserve it. If you don’t want it, you can always give it to whomever you’re going to meet with.”

Ren had no choice but to pick that ball and present it to Shota.

“Here,” he said, “It’s the ball that we used for the match on that Saturday. My teammates gave it to me because to them I was the MVP of the match.”

“And you’re giving it to me because…” the man trailed off, totally lost on what Ren was trying to do.

Great question. Why am I doing this?

“I want you to keep it. You know, you lost a bet that day, right? Consider this as a consolation prize,” he said after his brain cells finally started connecting and came up with a decent explanation.

Shota pursed his lips and nodded, taking the ball in his hands, “And here I thought you were going to give back the baseball cap you stole.”

Hearing those words, the image of Shota’s cap sitting lonely on his desk came to his mind. He had indeed forgotten to give it back what with Shota running away and that thought eating his mind.

Before he could say anything to his defense, Shota added, muttering more to himself than Ren, “Well, I do have your rose shirt though.”

“Ah, right,” he exclaimed, “You’re one to talk then.”

“The rose shirt was a present though, like this ball, but that cap was stolen.”

“And whose fault was it? I didn’t even have the chance to put it back onto your head. You fled as if you were competing in the 100-meter dash…”

Shota opened his mouth to say something but closed it right after realizing that he didn’t have anything to say back to Ren. That caused an awkward silence between them, during which Shota did everything in his power to avert his gaze from Ren, even if he would still steal some glances at him from time to time.

Understanding that Shota wasn’t going to utter a word any time soon, Ren eventually spoke up first.

“Listen, I want to talk about what happened. About that kiss.”

Shota’s head snapped towards the door before dragging Ren on the other end of the terrace, as if he was afraid that someone could have heard them.

“What’s wrong?” he asked him.

“I just prefer to keep my matters private now.”

Now?

Ren was curious to know what he meant by that, but he dropped that topic because the kiss was a more urgent one. He needed an answer if he didn’t want to keep racking his brain in vain.

“So, can we talk about that?”

Shota bit his lips but nodded. “Yeah.”

“I need to know if you hated it, or if I made you uncomfortable. You kissed me as well, but maybe I got it all wrong… You see, I’m at a loss,” he confessed, not hiding the poor state he was in.

Shota crossed his arms and put on a serious face, “You said to forget it, that you shouldn’t have done that, but then you come here and ask me that. Should I be believing that you don’t regret it after all?”

Ren had said all that in the hope of easing the burden on Shota’s shoulders since he thought that the one at fault was him considering that he had initiated the kiss. But to regret having done that? If he could have turned back in time, would he have stopped himself?

Sure, he wouldn’t have risked breaking his bond with Shota, he wouldn’t have gone through a long overthinking, and he would have finished his article by now instead of listening to Shota’s recording and getting lost in thought. Everything would have been simpler, nonetheless, he would have been stuck in his ‘acquaintance’ role which he didn’t fit at all. Not even ‘friend’ would have been enough for him, as he concluded time ago that the only label he wanted was the one of ‘boyfriend’.

Ren looked at Shota straight in his eyes and spoke with an unwavering, resolute tone.“Even though this could be the reason for our falling out, no, I don’t regret it. At all. You?”

Shota was delaying his reply and Ren took some steps forward, urging him with his eyes.

“Why did you kiss me?” Shota instead asked. “What was the meaning behind that kiss? Just the heat of the moment? No reason?”

Ren licked his lips that had gone dry at once. He felt his voice dying on his throat but he forced it out because it was now or never, there couldn’t have come another chance for him to reveal his feelings if Shota would end up deciding to shut him out.

“I kissed you because I wanted to.”

“Why so?”

He got some centimeters closer unconsciously and Shota had to tilt his head up to hold his gaze. It was almost the same sight as the one he had seen at his house, the only differences being Shota’s cheeks red not because of the alcohol this time and Ren being the bold one instead.

“Isn’t it obvious?” he asked rhetorically, laughing at how it actually was very easy to get. And then, at last, he let out at once, “I like you, Shota-kun.”

Shota’s eyes widened as he took in Ren’s confession, and he took that chance to contemplate the other’s beauty since when he focused for one moment he noticed to be way closer than he thought.

The bright orange sun rays that were hitting Shota’s face made his skin glisten and his eyes sparkle – as opposed to the sadness that he had seen reflected in them previously. Ren wished in his heart that this change was in part thanks to him, but that was too much to ask when he didn’t even hear Shota’s reply to his confession.

His heart was pounding as fast as ever and so loudly that he was sure Shota could hear it too. He was really risking this all but at this point he had nothing to lose, he preferred to have gone home aware that he had done anything he could instead of lying about his feelings.

‘As long as I have them by my side, I’m happy’, a statement like this wasn’t acceptable for Ren, he wouldn’t be satisfied with just that. It was either all or nothing.

Shota was still keeping silent, so Ren tried to get the words out of his mouth.

“And you, Shota-kun? Why did you kiss me back?”

The shorter man looked away for a brief pause then he replied, “Because I wanted it too.”

“Why did you run away then?” he asked right after, not wanting to lose the opportunity to have Shota talk.

Shota just claimed that he had wanted to kiss Ren too and by luck Ren had his shoulder strap to hold on to steady himself. He attempted to calm himself down but the adrenaline in his body wasn’t willing to listen to reason.

“Why, Shota-kun? If you wanted that as well, why did you run away from me?”

“Because I panicked, alright?!” Shota burst out in the end. He began pacing around while turning the soccer ball in his hands in frustration, “I realized that we were kissing out of nowhere and I didn’t want to repeat the same mistake with you. I ended up panicking and my mind pictured everything that could have happened after that kiss. You could have been able to talk me into a relationship since I tend to let myself be led, and I figured that I couldn’t let that happen. So I ran away.”

Woah… Ren could only think. Shota’s brain did quite the overthinking there. In comparison, Ren’s one wasn’t even that deep.

‘I didn’t want to repeat the same mistake with you’? What had happened to Shota to have him flash before his eyes that peculiar scenario? Should he unpack all that right now or should he focus on understanding what Shota felt for him?

He opted for the second option, which was the thing that pressed him the most.

“Shota-kun, do you have feelings for me?” he asked. There was no need to beat around the bush anymore.

Shota struggled to find the words as he chewed on his lips nervously. Ren supposed that his intense gaze wasn’t helping him on that task either, but he refused to avert his eyes from him. He didn’t want to see Shota disappear again and be left watching his back as he went away.

“Shota-kun,” he called him, using a sweet tone to not make him feel pressured.

“I don’t know, Meme, I don’t know. I still don’t have the answer to your question,” the man blurted out at last. He went to lean on the tall railing behind him with his back while he looked at the ball Ren had given him. “I’m so confused right now.”

Just like that day at the temple, Shota was lost, confusion written all over his face. That view tugged at the heartstrings of his heart, because if there was something that he couldn’t bear to see was Shota having a hard time. So, he brought his hands to his shoulders, squeezing them.

“You don’t have to give me an answer right now if you’re still trying to wrap your head around it,” he reassured him. “I’ll wait until you’ll have it figured out.”

“What if I take a lot to do that? I wouldn’t want to—I mean, it wouldn’t be fair to you.”

Ren giggled when he saw the hint of a pout on Shota’s face. He couldn’t resist the urge to lock his fingers in his hair and ruffle it affectionately.

“I’m not in a hurry, Shota-kun, I’m not going anywhere.”

Those words seemed to have stunned the other since he half-gaped at Ren.

If he thought about it, it was weird that not just some days ago he was watching the singer on TV, sad that he didn’t know if he would ever see him again, and now there he was: with his hand in his hair and another one on his shoulder. The Shota on TV was ethereal, distant, while right now he had never been more real. He could touch him with his hands, he could talk to him, he could see him face to face and not behind a screen.

In addition, no one was recording that moment, so the only witness of that Shota was Ren and Ren only. There wouldn’t have been any reruns, just this memory plastered in his mind.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t contemplate Shota’s handsomeness any longer as the door for the terrace opened and an Iwamoto Hikaru appeared. Ren was fast enough to withdraw his hands before the man could have seen them.

“Shota, let’s go back to practice!”

Behind him, Sakuma and Koji barged in.

“Don’t listen to Teru-nii, you can talk as much as you want!”

“Yeah, don’t bother about him, Shota!”

The two clasped their arms around Hikaru’s body as they tried to bring him back.

“What are you doing?” Hikaru frowned, before eventually freeing himself.

Sakuma and Koji still didn’t give up and once more embraced the tall man who began laughing at that point, watching his bandmates’ shenanigans.

“I’m coming, guys,” Shota told his friends, much to Sakuma and Koji’s dismay, who instead seemed to feel very strongly about Shota and Ren talking. Probably, they just wanted their break to be longer so that they could fool around for some more time.

Hikaru gave him a thumbs up before going back, Sakuma and Koji trailing behind him with defeated expressions.

“I have to go back, sorry. I’ll let you know,” Shota told Ren, specifying right after, “About my reply, that is.”

He nodded and they went back inside together. Ren intended to just say goodbye to the others but as soon as he peeked his head inside the studio room, Sakuma told him to stay and listen to one of the coupling songs of their debut single. Not like he had somewhere to be later, but he felt like he had intruded in Shota’s life enough for that day.

So, it was a surprise when Shota himself told him that it would make them happy if he could stay and listen to it. Needless to say that Ren didn’t need to be told twice at that point, and he went to sit next to Fukazawa who gave him a friendly smile.

Shota put the soccer ball down before going to the microphone, not without weird stares and questions about why Ren came all the way there to give him that.

“Nothing important, don’t worry,” Shota replied.

“Yeah, just ignore it,” Ren followed.

Sakuma and Koji backed them up, convincing the others – especially a nosy Fukazawa – that it wasn’t a big deal and to just let it drop. Of course they weren’t peeking their noses in their business since they might have realized that it must have had a connection to Ren’s match.

After Snow Man checked their instruments they were ready to play.

“This is Fantanamore. We wanted to go for something different than the other coupling song, which is going to be more cool and powerful since it’s Cry Out,” Shota explained.

“Also, we wanted to flex Shota’s voice as much as we could,” Fukazawa added, “You’ll see.”

As the biggest fan of Shota’s singing voice, which was the main reason why he had started to have an interest in him, Ren couldn’t be more excited to hear that song.

Even though he had heard Shota singing live before at Miyadate’s club, having him deliver a performance right before his very eyes and at such a close distance was definitely something else. The lead singer’s voice was piercing right through his heart, and Shota casually making eye contact from time to time wasn’t helping him at all.

Ren had most certainly listened to other good singers, but never was there one who could cause his body to tingle by that electrifying feeling felt throughout his body, and capture his heart as much as Shota did. By the time the song finished, he was completely mesmerized and speechless from already reminiscing the moments.

“So, what do you think?” Fukazawa asked.

“That was… That was…” he muttered. “That was incredible.”

“He’s flexing at the end, isn’t he?” Koji said, pointing at Shota who was currently drinking some water.

“You’re showing what Shota-kun is capable of indeed,” he commented.

The singer almost choked on his water with embarrassment, as he sheepishly smiled. “Thanks.”

Ren had really wanted to stay there and keep on listening to the band’s practice, but the incoming call from his father reminded him that he had agreed to help him with some of his DIY projects at home. So, even if reluctantly, he stood up from his seat and excused himself.

If he tried to decode Shota’s look to understand if the man was at least a bit sad that he was already going away? Well, he couldn’t deny that.

He exited the room and walked back to the lobby. There, the older man from before was greeting someone who had just entered – a rather flashy guy, with magenta-dyed hair, and having earrings and rings on himself.

“Takizawa-kun!” the guy exclaimed, “Are Snow Man here?”

“Yeah, they’re practicing in their usual room.”

With a flick of the hand as a reply, the visitor walked past Ren. He glanced at him only once, reckoning that Raul had never mentioned such a guy around Snow Man. Ren didn’t also remember him from any pictures posted on their Instagram.

He dismissed the guy as just a friend of theirs. And after greeting Takizawa and thanking him for having let him stay, he exited the place.

— — — — — — — — —

“A BBQ on the 5th of November?” Ren asked perplexed as his friend hopped onto his car. “Was your text correct? No typos?”

“We’re having good weather lately, and Abe-chan said that on the 5th the temperature should be mild,” Raul explained, “Plus, Sakuma-kun had confirmed that the terrace at his holiday mansion is sheltered so we wouldn’t suffer from sudden wind or rain.”

“But why this sudden BBQ? What’s the occasion?”

Raul looked at him with his eyes wide open, “Meme, you don’t know? And you consider yourself Shoppi’s fan?”

It was Ren’s turn to be surprised and stare in disbelief at the other.

“Shoppi’s fan? When? How? Who said that?” he grumbled, pretending to not know what Raul was talking about.

“Koji-kun told me that you praised Shoppi a lot during their last practice, and he also mentioned that you gave him a soccer ball to him—The one from the match you won I suppose.”

Raul presented him perfectly with the reason for his conjecture and it was so irritating that he couldn’t say anything to deny that. Those were mere facts after all. However, due to the still dubious relationship between Ren and Shota, he couldn’t disclose much to his friend.

Lately, he had been reasoning on telling everything to Raul and letting him give him some pieces of advice. After all, although Raul was younger than him, he had known Shota for way longer than him so he might have been of help. Moreover, his guilt would increase every time his friend told him some Shota-related anecdote, showing how close he was to the man, while Ren was there kissing him behind his back.

Ren was his best friend, and Shota was just as important to him, so Raul would have surely hated it to find out later on that he hadn’t been a part of it. That is if Shota would have returned Ren’s feelings. But as of now, there was like a press blackout from his side. The truth was that they forgot to exchange contacts – and Ren was still mad at himself for that – but Shota could have reached him through either Sakuma or Raul.

Just like Ren did before, Shota could reach out to him too if he wanted. But until he did that, then Ren couldn’t reveal anything to Raul. He needed to lie again.

“Well, Shota-kun’s a good singer, it’s pretty objective. And as for the ball, it was a consolation prize for his lost bet.”

Raul hummed, eyeing him curiously. “I see… Well, anyway, the 5th is Shoppi’s birthday, so we’re throwing him a party.”

“His birthday?”

How did I miss such information indeed…

“Yeah, so our mission today is to buy decorations and anything else to hype up the party. You know, festoons, crackers, and any other things that catch our eyes. If you want to bring something, feel free to buy it.”

“Is it fine even if I’m not invited?”

“Who says that you’re not?”

As far as he knew, no one had invited him to this birthday party – he wasn’t even aware of its existence before Raul had texted him that afternoon to go shopping together at the mall. Unless, since he was Raul’s best friend, then Ren had a VIP pass or something that let him join Snow Man whenever they would hang out with the boy.

As nice as it may sound, Ren didn’t want to impose his presence on the others. Even though they had been nothing but friendly with him, he reckoned that they could have wished to keep him out of something that looked private.

“Come on, I can’t just crash there because I’m your friend. If it’s just a small party between you guys—”

“Shoppi told me to invite you actually.”

“Shota-kun… did?”

Ren had hoped that his voice didn’t sound as hopeful to Raul as it did to him. He totally didn’t expect that coming, all the more so after that day at Snow Man’s studio, when Shota had made clear that he needed time to understand what was going on inside his heart. Except if… That was his way to reach out to Ren?

Without wasting time, Ren began a third-degree interrogation. “How did it happen? What did he say? Was it unprompted?”

Raul looked at him with attentive eyes, which were sparkling when they saw how Ren reacted to the info he just gave him. “Why are you so eager to know?”

Ren cleared his throat, “I just want to be sure that you didn’t misunderstand.”

“I see,” Raul eventually shrugged, before explaining, “We were talking about inviting Date-san and then Shoppi said, ‘Raul, you can tell Meme if you want’’ so you’re in.”

“And would you call that spontaneous?” he pressed, needing those answers more than anything.

“Of course I would. No one had mentioned you after all.”

Ren nodded, at once displaying nonchalance, as if that could help hide the excitement that was running in his body.

It was Shota inviting him to the party. If Ren had gone, then it would have been because of Shota, and not because of his connections with Raul. That alone was a huge success because it showed that Shota wanted him there. As the birthday boy, Shota wouldn’t want unnecessary people around, that went by without saying. So, for him to invite Ren, it could only mean that having him around wasn’t that bad at least.

When he looked at the bigger picture, Ren could only think that maybe Shota was planning to give him his answer during that party. And when he reasoned that, no matter when he was planning to do it, there were still their friends with them, Ren’s mind pictured a happy ending right that instant.

After all, wouldn’t it have been weird to reject Ren with the risk of creating a weird atmosphere while the others were around? It could have ruined everyone’s mood, and Shota didn’t seem like the person to not care about that. It could all be just wishful thinking, Ren was perfectly aware of that, but this really seemed to be looking up for him.

So, with a definitely more energetic spirit than before, Ren turned on his car to reach the shopping mall, so that Raul and he could fulfill their task.

“So, you’re coming?” Raul asked at some point.

“Yeah.”

“What will you do about the present? I’m actually joining Snow Man for that—”

“I know perfectly what to pick for him,” he replied, confident.

Raul hummed as a reply, before beginning typing away on his phone, while Ren’s mind was already counting down the days until Shota’s birthday.

— — — — — — — — —

Abe had been right, the 5th of November wasn’t that cold, and there was a bright sun up in the sky when Ren and Raul arrived at Sakuma’s family holiday mansion.

The man opened the gate for them, and Ren parked his car next to the other ones. They hurried to get the things out of the car so they could start setting up the decorations before Shota arrived – Abe had been put in charge of picking him up, and apparently he was taking the long way around to give them enough time to do that.

“Wait, Shota-kun knows that this is his birthday party, right?” Ren asked to be sure.

“Yeah, but he doesn’t know that we’re doing it in grand style,” Sakuma replied, winking at him before rushing inside while carrying all the festoons.

Ren and Raul picked up all the other bags, some of which they gave to Hikaru who offered his help. In the wide living room open space, Miyadate and Koji were working on the meat, marinating some of it, while also preparing other side dishes.

“Guys, it’s looking good!” Ren exclaimed, pointing to the food. The two men were preparing what looked like a feast and they smiled proudly when he praised them.

Meanwhile, Fukazawa was sitting on the couch watching them, but stood up as soon as he saw that they could start to arrange the terrace. The two oldest began taking out of the bags all the decorations. Hikaru, the most athletic one out of them all, had been given the task of blowing up balloons.

Raul and Ren were soon called by Sakuma to help since they were the tallest, and in less than 20 minutes, the terrace was finished. Balloons, festoons, crackets, everything was at its place. To top it off, Raul placed on the table even the cake hat and happy birthday eyeglasses they had bought that day at the mall.

“So, the plan is that we bring him here as soon as he gets here, and then put this on him,” Raul explained.

“Abe-chan and Shota should be arriving any minute by now,” Sakuma commented.

At that moment, Ren remembered an important thing left in his car. “Ah, before that, where can I hide my birthday present for Shota-kun?”

Sakuma showed him a room where he had stuck together a lot of board games he had brought today. Ren went to his car to grab the big box with his gift, and when he put it down in the room, Sakuma raised his eyebrows.

“What did you even buy him?” he asked, astonished.

He dismissed Sakuma’s question with a laugh. Before Sakuma could press him more, Fukazawa announced that Abe and Shota had arrived, so they hurriedly returned downstairs.

“We’ve arrived safe and sound, luckily,” he heard Shota say, “Abe-chan’s braking sucks.”

“It doesn’t!” Abe complained.

“You’re so slow, we risked a crash a bunch of times.”

“That’s not true! I drive safely,” Abe defended himself.

Shota didn’t seem to care about that since he then addressed Koji who had just arrived in the room, “Koji, next time pick me up, alright? I don’t want to ride in a car driven by this guy ever again.”

“Sorry, Shoppi, this morning I had to buy groceries with Date-san, otherwise I would have done that.”

“Groceries? Oh, the meat for the BBQ you mean?”

Koji and Miyadate exchanged a knowing glance before smirking, “Prepare yourself for a feast!”

Shota looked at his friends in confusion, before everyone urged him to just follow them and to close his eyes. Raul hugged him from behind to cover his eyes, and when Shota stretched out his hands in search of something to hold on to, Ren jumped on his feet to reach them before anyone else could.

He held his hands while he walked backwards to reach the terrace. Shota’s fingertips brushing his wrists as he clasped his hands were sending thrills down his spine, and Ren realized that this was the first time their hands touched properly.

Ren wished he could dwell on how they felt so soft against his skin, how they were so small compared to his, and how he wanted to bring them to his lips so he could give them a peck, but unfortunately he had to fight all those thoughts as he wasn’t alone at the moment.

They stepped into the terrace and Ren let go of Shota’s hands only when the man did, when Raul removed his hands from his eyes and he saw all the terrace decorated for him and all the food on the table.

“Happy birthday!” everyone exclaimed, while Shota had a dumbfounded expression on his face.

Raul proceeded to put on him the Happy Birthday eyeglasses while Ren took care of the cake hat. After some initial confusion, Shota eventually burst out in an embarrassed but grateful smile, as he thanked them all for that surprise.

At that point, Miyadate went to start the fire for the BBQ, helped by Koji and Sakuma, while Fukazawa and Hikaru began preparing drinks for everyone. And when it was time to sit down, Ren made sure to snatch the seat next to Shota, doing his best to make it seem like a coincidence.

Sure, he still didn’t know if the other was going to give him a positive answer to his confession, but the bright smile Shota was flashing at him at the moment was enough to make him dizzy with hopeful thoughts.

The food had been incredible – Koji was telling the truth when he said to Shota to prepare for a ‘feast’ – and the cake that Hikaru and Fukazawa had bought was also top-notch. Just like at D.D. back in September, they were all having a good time, the only difference was that now Ren would join in the conversations or jokes more as he felt more part of the group.

He felt at ease now and he didn’t know if to thank their friendly attitude, or the fact that getting closer to Shota meant that indirectly he got closer to Snow Man as well. He couldn’t brush that option off.

Ren stole a glance at Shota like he had been doing for the whole lunch, and saw that there was a trace of whipped cream close to his mouth. He bit down on his lips to not laugh out loud, as he sneakily took his phone to snap a picture. He did everything in a hurry in fear that he might get busted, but Shota seemed too busy watching Hikaru and Fukazawa fighting over the last piece of cake to notice that.

Shota had turned down to have the last piece, and everyone else followed, since they were all pretty much full. Only those two could still go. Hikaru because he was a strong supporter of ‘the dessert goes to the heart’, while Fukazawa just liked to eat.

The two were playfully arguing over who deserved it the most, causing everyone to watch in amusement at that scene. The only one who wasn’t paying much attention was Sakuma, who was currently going through all the board games he went to fetch upstairs.

“I won’t back out easily, I’m telling you,” Hikaru affirmed.

The other challenged him with his gaze. He took the piece of cake and put it on his plate. “Give me a good reason why I should give it to you,” Fukazawa said.

“Don’t act as if it’s yours, why did you even move it to your plate?” Hikaru protested, trying to take the slice over to his.

“I’m the oldest, I should take it,” Fukazawa declared, pushing Hikaru’s hands away. “And you don’t avoid my question.”

“The oldest doesn’t get to be spoiled,” Hikaru let him know, before answering to the question he was asked, “You should give it to me because I like desserts and sweet food.”

Fukazawa crossed his arms, shrugging, “But you like me as well, so you could leave it to me.”

Hikaru turned the other way shyly, hiding his giggling with his wrist, while Fukazawa kept his unaffected stance – even if cheeks were turning bright red.

In the end, Hikaru just let the other win, but Fukazawa still gave half of the cake to him, and while watching all that, Ren felt that he had just been the witness of a couple’s moment. Either that, or Fukazawa was flirting openly with Hikaru.

From what he saw during the times he had met them, those two seemed pretty close, but he didn’t know if they were best friends or something more. He didn’t dare to ask though, since he didn’t want to be nosy.

Raul took care of that, though, since he asked them directly as boldly as ever. “Sorry, guys, but—Well, I’ve been having this idea for quite some time since I’ve met Fukka-san… Are you two perhaps dating?”

Ren noticed that Fukazawa’s expression stiffened, but he still smiled and nodded. “Yeah, we’re together.”

Raul gasped loudly, “What?! For real?! Since when? Even before you left Snow Man?”

“No, at that time we were just friends,” the man told him, his tone not carrying any particular emotion, “We’ve been going out for a year or so.”

“So it hasn’t been long,” Raul commented. Apparently, his thirst for information wasn’t enough because he asked the couple one more question, “Who else knows?”

“Just the people here, and some close people to the group like Juri,” it was Hikaru the one to reply this time.

Juri? Ren asked himself in his mind, not remembering to have ever heard that name coming out of either Snow Man or Raul’s mouth. Probably just someone from the staff.

“Well, it would indeed create quite the chaos if fans knew. If you ever ended up breaking up, you would never hear the end of it—Ah, even though it would be harder for the group’s dynamics I suppose.”

All at once, Ren could feel a freezing atmosphere surrounding them and he was sure that it wasn’t either the breeze or the weather itself. He threw some glances around and saw how all Snow Man were either looking down or drinking. Hikaru only gave Raul a nod while Fukazawa wore a strained smile on his face.

“Right?” the man said, eyes empty as Ren had never seen.

“So, here we have Ito, karuta, Best Act, funny-face showdown, let’s become a voice actor—Ah!”

Sakuma’s abrupt shout made them all focus on him.

“What happened?” Raul said.

“I forgot that I also brought a karaoke system. I left it in the car.”

“Why even?” Abe asked, laughing, “Who would want to sing?”

“Me!” Koji jumped on his seat, raising his arm, “I want to sing! I’ll sing!”

If Ren had to be honest, to him it felt like an attempt to lift the mood up considering how everyone stared at Koji relieved.

“I’ll go take it then!”

“I’ll help you,” Shota affirmed, standing up at once.

Ren followed Shota’s figure until it disappeared inside together with Sakuma’s. When he averted his gaze, he met Koji’s eyes who apparently was watching the two going away as well.

“Meme, would you like a song from me? As a welcome gift since you’re a part of the group by now,” Koji told him.

“I appreciate the thought but I refuse.”

“Why?!” Koji whined.

Miyadate then joined in, “You wouldn’t even take a spot, Sakuma is just going to fill the playlist with anime songs.”

“Ah!” Abe cried out, much as Sakuma did before, “Speaking of him, I forgot that I have cards for playing wink killer. He insisted.”

“Let’s do that, Meme needs to experience the thrill of being killed by you,” Raul said, already excited.

“Why are you taking for granted that I’m going to be the killer?” Abe complained.

“It’s always you!”

Abe protested, but eventually stood up to go get the cards when Ren beat him to it, “I’ll go take them. Which one is your car, Abe-kun?”

“The one on the far right. It’s open by the way. The cards are on the backseat.”

Ren gave him a thumbs up and went inside to reach the other yard where the entrance of the house was. There was one reason why he had offered himself to go take the game on Abe’s behalf, and it was certainly not because he was a fanatic of that game or else.

When Shota had got up from his seat, Ren managed to see briefly his face and he looked nothing close to being okay. As soon as he thought that over, he realized he was leaning very much in Shota’s direction, and he wondered if it was that the reason why Shota had stormed out of the terrace.

Thinking that better be safe than sorry, Ren entered the house to search for Shota and apologize if what he had done troubled him. Ren spotted the karaoke system on the coffee table of the living room, but Sakuma and Shota were nowhere to be seen. It was not until he heard some voices in the yard that he realized that the two men were speaking outside.

“You’re hiding yourself behind a friendship that’s only making you suffer. That friendship is not even there to begin with as of now.”

“What do you want me to do then? I have my hands tied here, thinking about the group. Especially now that he has finally fit in.”

“You have to talk to him, Shota. You need to clear this up.”

“How am I supposed to do that? Everytime we’re alone and talk, things become weird. I feel so uncomfortable.”

“You can’t run forever—”

Sakuma’s voice stopped mid-sentence as the man noticed Ren coming out of the house. Shota followed his friend’s gaze and he widened his eyes when he saw Ren, before immediately lowering his gaze to the ground.

Sakuma cleared his throat and then gave some pats to Shota’s shoulder. “I’ll go back to the others, I’ll tell them you received a call from some relative.”

“Thanks.”

The pink-haired man walked away and gave Ren a tight-lipped smile when he went past him.

Ren was standing still without being able to move an inch, unable to process what he had just heard. Or, better, unwilling to do that, but how could he? They were obviously talking about him, showing how he had been right on having made Shota uncomfortable and that he also was not going to have the happy ending he hoped for.

There was anything deeper going on between them, but there wasn’t even friendship. They were… nothing. He was nothing to Shota, and the only reason why he hadn’t pushed him away was because the others had all accepted him in the group, making the job of rejecting him harder than it already was.

He could endure anything, but not the sadness that was washing over Shota’s face. That was a sight he couldn’t bear to see so he proceeded on freeing him from that burden. If Shota couldn’t reject him, then he would be one to step out.

“It’s fine,” he started off.

Shota slowly turned his head towards him, showing him that he was listening.

“I understand. And I’m sorry if you had to go through all this because of me.”

“What?” the man said, furrowing.

Ren stepped forward, forcing a smile on his face. “You don’t have to hide behind anything, Shota-kun. If you don’t want me as either a friend or lover, I’ll just walk away. I’ll vanish from your life and stop bothering you.”

He was going to move towards Abe’s car when Shota’s voice stopped him.

“What are you even rambling about?”

Shota had his eyes on the ground, his hands were clasped together as if he was holding on to himself, and his voice sounded broken.

“What do you mean?”

“What’s that crap? What you just said. What’s that?” Shota repeated.

Ren was puzzled at that reaction since the man seemed to have no idea of what he was talking about.

“I overheard bits of your conversation with Sakuma-kun. Weren’t you talking about me?”

Shota shook his head with a wry smile, “What do you even know? You think that my world revolves around you? You’re not the only hindrance in my life.”

The Shota he had in front of himself was the spitting image of the one he had met on their very first encounter. The one with a solid brick wall built around him which would have hit anyone who dared to look behind it. Ren had bumped into it three times by now, and with a knot in his throat, he decided that he had had enough of that.

He couldn’t let his heart be broken in this way, then healed by the other Shota’s kind behavior, and then broken once again by that wall. He couldn’t afford so many heartbreaks from the same person.

“Sorry to have thought to have a place in your life,” Ren mumbled, tone as dark as ever.

He went past him and took the cards from Abe’s car.

“Meme,” he heard Shota faintly calling him but he didn’t even spare him a glance.

So, with a stern frown on his face to cover the tears of frustration that wanted to come out, he ignored Shota, ready to go back inside.

“Meme, please wait.”

He still didn’t look back.

“Meme, please!”

Fast and impetuous like a lightning, two arms wrapped around his body, keeping him from going away. Ren’s heartbeat halted as he attempted to make sense of what was going on.

“Please, don’t go,” Shota whispered with his head on Ren’s back and his arms tightening around him, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean any of that. I’m sorry, forgive me. Don’t leave. At least you, please, don’t.”

Saying that Ren was confused would be an understatement. He was totally mind-blown at the moment. This wasn’t a simple apology like the other times, that was an utterly desperate request of forgiveness, something he had never believed Shota capable of.

He wasn’t only asking Ren to forgive him, but he was also asking him to stay. To not leave him. The man who had called Ren a hindrance just a minute ago. Make it make sense.

Ren got a hold of Shota’s hands to break the hug just so he could look at him properly, but the man probably interpreted that as Ren attempting to go away, therefore he squeezed his body harder, and even grabbed Ren’s jeans jacket with his hands.

“Don’t leave.”

“I won’t,” he reassured him.

“I don’t trust you.” Shota’s voice was coming out muffled since he had his face glued to Ren’s jacket.

“You have to if you want me to stay.”

And finally, even if not completely, Shota loosened the grip on Ren’s body, so he could turn around to face him. At that point, Ren had to lean forward to take a peek at the other’s face, who was averting that eye contact. So, Ren could only cup Shota’s face and make him look at him.

Shota wasn’t crying, but there were two lonely tears that escaped his eyes when he blinked when looking at him. Ren dried them with his thumbs as he joined their foreheads together.

“I’m all mixed-up at the moment, so if you could give me an explanation of what happened I would appreciate that,” he told the shorter man, with a hint of a smile to soothe him.

“I can’t explain what Sakuma has said, but be sure that it’s not you.”

Ren took that information in and took a deep sigh of relief knowing that everything he had thought was just his conjecture. But there was still something to sort out.

“And the hug? And all the rest?” he asked. It was time to gather his answers.

Shota licked his lips, “How about this?”

Without warning, Shota stood on his tippy toes to claim his lips, while grasping Ren’s jacket in his hands to bring him down, more to his level. After a moment of astonishment, Ren found himself returning the kiss with the same rashness of the other.

Sliding his hands behind his back, he brought him closer, pulling in Shota’s body on himself, now him the one not allowing the other to run away.

“Is this good enough as an explanation for now?” Shota asked, out of breath, “We can talk on the way back about this better. But for the time being, can you roll with it?”

Shota was resting his arms over his while his hands were clasping around Ren’s forearms. Ren was wrong perhaps, maybe he should have just left him there to give him a lesson, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not when Shota’s eyes were reflecting nothing but sincerity and fervor for once.

So, he found himself nodding and kissing Shota once more, who didn’t back out but instead locked his hands in Ren’s hair and caressed his nape.

Everything was so overwhelming that they barely remembered that on the terrace there were all the others waiting for them. They couldn’t go back in this state though: lips swollen, messy hair, and their minds overthrown by emotions.

So, they planned for Ren to freshen himself up in the bathroom, while Shota would cool down outside, following the excuse of a relative’s call Sakuma had given him.

Shota pulled him in for a last kiss before they proceeded with their plan, and Ren found himself sliding down to the floor as soon as he stepped into the bathroom, resting his back on the door.

“What the hell has even happened?”

— — — — — — — — —

Ren would be lying if he said that he wasn’t counting down the minutes until the party was over. He had tried his best to act as normal as possible, even when the others had made him notice that he came back without the cards he had gone to fetch in the first place and which had been left lying on the yard – Ren didn’t even realize to have dropped them to the ground the moment Shota hugged him.

He had even managed to not look as overly pleased as he was when Shota unwrapped his present and stood agape. Ren had picked up for Shota an outfit that would go together with the baseball cap he had ‘stolen’ him the day of their first kiss.

Since the man was always praising his fashion sense – disguised with complaints on how he looked too fashionable – Ren reckoned that it was a good idea to give him a whole set of clothes and give him back the baseball cap at the same time.

And he had been right, because Shota loved the outfit and even went upstairs to put it on right that moment. Ren’s heart filled with joy when Shota came back and everyone praised his appearance. It was nothing much actually, since the clothes he chose were still casual like Shota used to dress, but there was clearly a more refined taste going on.

Shota really kept that outfit on for the rest of the day, and by the time the sun was setting and they were all loading their cars to leave the holiday mansion, Ren had wanted to throw himself at him something like ten times. But how to blame him though? Since Shota had kissed him passionately just some hours ago?

Holding back the urge to kiss Shota and ask him for the full explanation he was promised had been tough, and Ren could see that even the other was having a hard time distracting himself from those thoughts. They were both eager to continue their unfinished business and that showed by how they loaded Shota’s stuff in Ren’s car. They were so fast to be the first ones to have finished.

“Shota, you’re not coming with me?” Abe asked.

Shota stuttered a bit before finding an excuse, “Well, of course, I don’t want to die.”

Abe luckily seemed to have bought it, since he was shaking his head, laughing, “At least I won’t have someone bothering me about my braking.”

“Shoppi is coming with us?” Raul approached them.

Ren and Shota were already standing next to the anterior seats’ doors, just waiting for everyone to gather on the yard so they could bid them goodbye.

“Yeah, hop in, we’re driving you home,” Shota said.

That reply caused Raul to tilt his head to the side and narrow his eyes at the older man. “We? Since when is there a we?”

Shota panicked as he was moving his mouth but without making any coherent sound. He composed himself only some seconds after, “We’re just older than you, that’s why. It came out naturally.”

“As natural as taking the front seat even if I’m the one who rides on this car more often?”

At that point, Shota just lost his patience, probably not bearing anymore Raul’s teasing, and he gestured to him to get in the car. “Just go inside, kid. I’m older so I’ll take the front seat.” Afterwards, he addressed his friends, “Guys, thanks for today! Raul’s got curfew so we’ll go now. Good night!”

Waving goodbye to all the others, Ren caught the content look Raul threw at him before getting in the car like Shota did, and he let himself smile widely. He didn’t need to hide his happiness anymore.

The ride home was rather silent, since Shota seemed lost in thought while Raul was too focused on analyzing any movement they did. Even when they dropped him off the boy threw them some glances over his shoulder as he walked away. Ren was sure that the next time he would have met Raul, there would be no end to his questions.

“So, next stop. My place?” Shota said when Ren took off again, “You’re coming up, right? To talk.”

“Definitely.”

“Alright.”

“Al—”

“Don’t start repeating my same words,” Shota cut him off before he could finish his sentence.

Ren laughed out loud but complied with that order. He was too busy anyway to calm his heart as it throbbed with anticipation – his hands were even getting sweatier than they used to do before playing a match.

When they arrived at the apartment’s complex Shota made him park his car in its underground parking, and Ren even tripped over his own feet as he got out of the car too hastily. The butterflies in his stomach were surely playing tricks on him.

But there was someone who appeared even more nervous than him, since Shota grabbed his gifts, the bag with his clothes, and the one with the leftover food Miyadate had given him all at once, and sprinted for the elevator.

As they waited to reach the third floor, they would steal glances at each other, quickly looking away when they met the other’s eyes. Ren reckoned that all those heartbreaks he had gone through had been worth it if this was the amount of adrenaline he got as a prize.

Shota handed Ren the bags as he fumbled with his keys to open the front door of his apartment. Once in, Shota guided him towards the living room, where he sat down on the couch and fixed his gaze on the coffee table.

Since he waited for him to speak up, Ren just placed the bags on the table, before looking around the room. Shota’s apartment wasn’t as huge as he had expected – but then again they had barely started to reach stardom – but it looked bigger than it was thanks to its minimalist style.

There weren’t many knick-knacks around, and the few that were displayed were all placed neatly on the furniture. That spick-and-span atmosphere reflected Shota a lot; it was clear that this was his apartment. Everything was so clean and tidy that Ren wondered how Shota had survived that night in his room, messy as it was. But then again, he was probably too tipsy to notice that.

“You have a nice apartment,” he said after a while, since Shota was still in silence. “I like it here.”

“Thanks.”

Maybe I should sit down, he thought, and so he went to take the seat next to Shota. However, just moments after, the man stood up and paced around the room. He remembered that Shota affirmed to be someone who tends to be led, so he guessed that maybe he should have done the same that time.

Therefore, he decided to start the conversation. “So, about… us.”

“Yeah…” Shota trailed off.

“I mean, there’s an us, right?”

Shota halted his steps to look at him before affirming, “Yeah, there is.”

“Okay, good,” he said, once again reassured that he hadn’t dreamed any of that.

Rubbing his face frustrated, Shota groaned loudly, before stating, “I’m just going to tell you everything, alright? I don’t seem to come up with a better way to explain so I’m just going to throw everything at you. Are you fine with that?”

To be honest, Shota could throw at him everything he wanted for what he mattered. He would take everything, that was how mad head over heels he was for him.

“Go for it,” Ren encouraged him.

After a long, deep breath, Shota finally spoke.

“First things first. I like you, Meme. I like you a lot, if my heart skipping beats, throat going dry, and mind going blank every time you look at me or touch me is anything to go by.”

That information made Ren lit up with joy. Not only because he finally knew at 100% that his feelings were mutual, but because it was also comforting knowing that even the other was affected by his presence. That he wasn’t the only one who had to endure all the restless feelings that came with liking someone.

“I can sympathize with that,” Ren told him to let him know that he had been feeling the same things.

For a brief second, a hint of a smile appeared on Shota’s face, before his nervous frown took the spotlight again.

“The thing is that, like everyone else, I got baggage and that is a breakup that still affects me for reasons I can’t really tell you for now. Even though I was slowly falling for you, I was so caught up in the fear of you leaving me because I wasn’t enough that I didn’t let myself realize that. That’s why I kept on running away from you, I was telling myself that I was confused when, actually, my feelings had been pretty clear for a while. But then, when I called for you today after the umpeteenth time I hurt you, and you weren’t turning back no matter how many times I shouted your name, I felt like you were slipping out of my hands and I understood that I couldn’t allow myself that.”

Ren found himself gripping the fabric of his jeans in rage. For Shota to think himself as not worthy enough for him, that breakup must have destroyed his self-esteem. How much damage did he suffer? How much hurt did he take? But what saddened him the most was that Shota believed that Ren could see him as such, when the reality couldn’t be any farther from the truth.

Another new feeling joined the others in his heart. He wanted to cherish the other and let him know how much he meant to him every day, so that all the pain Shota had bore could be erased from his memory. He would protect his smile at all costs.

Shota was fidgeting with his hands, not raising his gaze from the floor. So, it was Ren who stood up to approach him.

“So, this is the truth—Uhm, so, I don’t know what should be said in this kind of situation—”

Ren took Shota’s hands in his, intertwining their fingers. He leaned in, took off Shota’s cap, throwing it on the couch, as he whispered, “Sometimes there’s just no need for that.”

He wasn’t that good with words himself, so he pecked Shota’s lips tenderly, conveying in that kiss all what he was feeling inside. The happiness for their mutual feelings, the gratitude for having confessed to him after what he had gone through, the promise of always being by his side and to protect him. And Shota did the same, kissing Ren finally without any restraint he had put over his heart.

When they parted, they joined their foreheads together and smiled at each other widely. At last, they were on the same page. At last, their hearts had met. At last, Ren could affirm that Shota was now his.

Part 2

Comments

[greatesthits]

dear author, from the description and your notes alone, i know that i am not prepared for what's to come. i will come back when i'm done reading this part for my final thoughts!

ETA: I'M BACK AND OH. MY. GOODNESS. firstly, thank you for doing the famous/non-famous idea because i am absolutely in love with fics like this, and then you made it SLOW BURN! MY FAVORITE THING EVER. also this is a ridiculously long comment so i apologize but i have way too much to say.

to start off, memerau besties is my favorite thing and i like that you tweaked the ages to make it a bit more reasonable(?) for the fic. anyway, meme who only focuses on himself and doesn't know anything about suno is so funny and cute. and rau being the person who's overloading his chat with meme with suno content... he's just like me fr 🥲 and meme noticing shoppi right away is also just like me 😭

Ren also didn’t need to have his world revolve around someone else that wasn’t himself, his family, close friends, and teammates. His world was full enough, he didn’t need to add any other person to that circle.

OH MEGURO YOU HAVE A BIG STORM COMING.... then of course, the concert! i love this entire scene, especially as someone who goes to small venues/bars very often to see my favorite bands! it's such a fun environment and i was able to picture it in my mind from my personal experiences. the banter with the band is so funny and then the suprise with fukka, oh my god... i sensed something brewing behind the scenes when it was mentioned that he had left!

now, meme and shota's first meeting... oh my god, not him being rude to meme 😔 (i loved it - the angelic impression of shota that meme had in his brain completely ruined by this interaction... and then meme still not being able to forget it... yes i love it!)

It seemed like his brain was trying to analyze every single detail of that moment in search of any reason to find Shota not guilty of being an asshole. Although the defense was doing a good job, listing all the possible reasons why the man might have reacted that way, the jury’s vote was still unanimous.
Watanabe Shota was a jerk.

i screamed. meme, please keep an open mind and heart for my poor shoppi 😥 he is actually a very kind and cute guy as you'll find out 😥

the party scene is also super fun and shota recognizing ren. i was speechless. learning about some suno history was sooo nice and of course, the banter! then the friendly moments they had had me on the edge of my seat like HELLO, this is exactly what i need. their moment alone and shota apologizing... calling meme a really good guy... the "i may be a stranger but it might be easier to talk to me." i was on the edge of my seat. and the meme waking up feeling happier... AND THE PHONE CALL. the useless excuse of "you may have trouble finding raul's house, so let's go together." UH HUH, SURE.

the scene where meme goes to pick up saku and shoppi.... how did you know that "sober person respectfully taking care of drunk person but they're drunk flirting and making the sober person panic and painfully aware of how close they are" is one of my favorite specific scenes in a fic. shota is so cute in this part, i am no different than meguro ren fr. shota seemingly being indifferent despite the almost-kiss tease and then waking up the next morning and his first word being "meme..." upon seeing meme in ONLY A TOWEL?! then meme not backing out and giving his shirt to shota - yeah, i screamed.

sakuma, koji, rau, and me watching this all unfold with popcorn buckets after that "secret lunch" following shoppi's sleepover at meme's ... those three definitely planned on inviting shota to see meme's match.

“You’re a lucky guy, you know that?” Koji pointed at him, “Shoppi isn’t the type to just go anywhere. He’s an exclusive fellow.”

like meme, be for real and think about it... BE FOR REAL! also this:

“If that’s so, then I’ll score a goal for you, Shota-kun.”

followed by shota getting nervous and the bet. atp, i was kicking my legs and giggling on my bed. the whole "shota calls meguro meme in private?!" thing is one of my favorite memenabe things ever and it's a win for me that it made it into the fic. also, shota opening up a bit after they were found out without their disguises. i live for moments like these. it was super nice to find out more about suno members in this universe, esp through shota's moment with fukka (it also piqued my curiosity when hikaru was mentioned 🤔)

now the interview. sakuma definitely was plotting. this was such a nice scene and i loved learning even more about shoppi, his relationship with singing, and his history with suno 🥹 also i love a little drama so reading the bit where shota said that sakuma had enough and was like "if we're going to fall apart bit by bit, let's just disband" after fukka's departure and how hikaru brought them back together... so sweet. BUT THEN THIS:

“Write that it was, that I didn’t have any second thoughts, and that I welcomed him with open arms. This should be in the interview.”

jaw on the floor, i am desperate to know what happened with fukka, im on my knees. now for this next part....

“You’re welcome to flirt with me whenever you want, there’s no need to be embarrassed.”

meguro ren, the man that you are in this fic! literally nothing could have prepared me for this kiss scene. i had to take a proper 5 minute break reading it. and of course of course of course shota ran away and meme mistaking shota's reaction for regret... then this realization in the next scene:

Now, I don’t even know if I’m going to see him ever again.

REAL PAIN.

also, i didn't say this earlier but i looove the memehara friendship in this. hara noticing that he has a crush is precious; him also being the one to give meme advice and encouraging him is so sweet 🥹 his idea earlier of meme giving the MVP ball to the person he was going to meet came in clutch 😭 btw the conversation about the kiss absolutely killed me (in a good way). like:

“I kissed you because I wanted to.”
“Why so?”
He got some centimeters closer unconsciously and Shota had to tilt his head up to hold his gaze. It was almost the same sight as the one he had seen at his house, the only differences being Shota’s cheeks red not because of the alcohol this time and Ren being the bold one instead.
“Isn’t it obvious?” he asked rhetorically, laughing at how it actually was very easy to get. And then, at last, he let out at once, “I like you, Shota-kun.”

THERE IT IS. your description of shota here is absolutely wonderful and this part:

“I realized that we were kissing out of nowhere and I didn’t want to repeat the same mistake with you. I ended up panicking and my mind pictured everything that could have happened after that kiss. You could have been able to talk me into a relationship since I tend to let myself be led, and I figured that I couldn’t let that happen. So I ran away.”

😭😭😭😭 is all i have for you. like you could have been able to talk me into a relationship - i screamed. at this point, i was literally itching to find out the drama. meme pressing on and shota being all confused and needing time to give him a proper response. this.... this is fanfiction. (btw, sakukoji trying to get hikaru to not interfere. definitely doing everything they can to create private moments for memenabe. they're just like me fr.) also, love the rehearsal scene where meme gets to see shoppi sing up close and also the way i gasped when i realized who the magenta haired guy was.

shoppi birthday scene had it all for me, honestly. shota explicitly telling rau he can tell meme, meme thoughtfully buying a gift for him, fun banter, IWAFUKKA REVEALED (WITH ADDED TENSION AND A MYSTERIOUS JURI MENTION), and then shota leaving and meme being the only one who sees he's clearly distraught and thinking it's because of him. (i've died from the suspense of it all at this point.) and meme only hearing part of a conversation sakuma and shoppi are having, also thinking it's about him... misunderstandings galore... my favorite part of slow burn 🙂 this part:

Shota shook his head with a wry smile, “What do you even know? You think that my world revolves around you? You’re not the only hindrance in my life.”

NO SHOPPI DON'T SAY THAT. MY POOR MEME WILL MISUNDERSTAND. and of course, he did misunderstand and then shoppi basically pleading for meme to not go had me holding my breath. also the change in shota's words from "Because I trust you (to know more about me)." to "I don't trust you (to not leave me)." maybe you didn't mean for it to be significant but it stood out to me so much! and then all this followed by two? kisses. no. freaking. way. i screamed into my pillow, really. and of course, there was more revealed about shota at his apartment and i, like meguro ren, felt upset that shota wouldn't think of himself as good enough (i have an inkling as to who did this though). this part:

“... But then, when I called for you today after the umpeteenth time I hurt you, and you weren’t turning back no matter how many times I shouted your name, I felt like you were slipping out of my hands and I understood that I couldn’t allow myself that.”

my poor shoppi 😢 but at least it ended with some more tenderness! the implications of it all. i am buzzing with excitement for part two. (btw rau being so observant of the two of them in the car was so funny to me. again, he's me fr.)

now that's all for part one. i absolutely loved this first part so much, and i know that i missed a lot that i wanted to point out, but if i add any more, i'm sure the comment will be longer than the fic 😭 i definitely have a lot of questions: is there a iwafukanabe triangle or something? what's juri's involvement in this? am i correct in thinking that sakukojirau are onto memenabe? and so many more.

to wrap it up, i absolutely love the way this is written. i think your descriptions are amazing, the settings for each scene are spectacular, and the characterizations of each member are so well-fitting for this au (especially meme's as the main character!), and the references to irl facts/moments are wonderful to spot. i am excited to get to part two and finally see them get together and maybe get some answers to my questions. again, thank you so much for this, author 💙🖤